Pull The Trigger
by Allumettes
Summary: COMPLETE Sasuke can divide his life into two periods of time, before and after he pulled the trigger, or, and this he thinks of very late when nothing but the dark is his companion, before and after he met Him. SasuNaru angsting.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer, I don't own Naruto, of course.**

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 1_

_-_

The cold is all he feels, and he's thankful for it. Because when the chill eventually recedes, and it does, the sensations of before seem all the more powerful. The harsh sting in his back, the ache in his arms, the cramped muscles of his stomach. Everything throbs with a ruthless intensity. Though all this is acceptable. The mind-fuck is what really gets him.

Even with his eyes closed he sees him.

With the shower off, in this sudden absence of noise, Itachi's presence is more menacing than normal. The damp water in the air clings to his skin and makes the temperature seem to drop below zero. Sasuke's hand reaches for a grey towel hanging just outside of his reach. The movement brings him way to close to his brother who grabs his wrist and turns the hand upwards, twisting it painfully. The hitch in his breath does not go unnoticed.

Knowing what is about to happen Sasuke closes his eyes shut, as if he were still four years old, when he still thought that in the darkness behind his eyelids he'd be safe. To bad that's not how it goes. He has to grow up now, he's not a boy anymore.

His brother is too tall and too broad for the small bathroom. When he is pushed to the floor, Sasuke's breath falters and he chokes. His arms are bent over his chest, fists curled against his brother's shoulders, a useless wall between them.

This is where he regains the use of his voice again and he tries to scream, only he can't. The only thing that escapes his throat is a groan of pain as his head is banged against the bathroom tiles. It's not a sob, those only come later. Sasuke refuses to show his brother tears.

Itachi's hands are iron on his chest and stomach. They feel cold. He takes him there. It doesn't take long, it never does. That doesn't make it more bearable.

Sasuke finally opens his eyes after such a long time that he has trouble adjusting his vision. Itachi is gone, as usual, he hasn't heard him leave. The drops of water on his body have almost all dried up. He's naked and shivering, lying on the cold tiled floor of the sober little bathroom.

He shakes a little and blinks his eyes, furiously trying to get a hold of himself. With heavy limbs he heaves himself up using the sink for support. The mirror is not friendly and shows him paler and more sickly than he is.

Sasuke's hands form clenched fists around the sink as he breaks apart. Shattering very much like the mirror itself, in sharp, clear pieces that deform him. It takes only a little while to piece himself together again and clean off the frustrated tear marks on his face. After all he's supposed to be used to it already.

He gets dressed and leaves for school.

-

School seems more unreal than usual. Sasuke can't concentrate, he feels as if though they aren't his feet that walk him through the hallways. Like they're not his hands that hold the pen.

Teachers have no idea how to handle him. He's not a bad kid, and he doesn't pull pranks or anything like that. He just doesn't do anything. His answers are short and to the point. He has no opinion of his own, if he does, he never says it out loud. His marks though are excellent. He outshines everyone in those no nonsense subjects like math's and physics. He horribly fails everything else.

In lunch hour he sits with the bad kids. They are four of them including himself, and some others who tag along but don't really contribute.

There's Karin who is beautiful and mean. Her hair is painted black and very long. She wears black rimmed glasses which she pushes up her fine nose to look down at people. Her voice is loud and unpleasant as are the things she says. People are scared of her, but really, Sasuke thinks, she is scared of people.

The other one is Suigetsu. He's dumb and almost as mean as Karin but in a less secretive way. He likes to talk about sex and which girls he's done or would like to do. He and Karin clash horribly sometimes but their personalities are alike. (He's in love with her). He would fail almost all his classes if it weren't for Karin who helps him out if she feels like it. Suigetsu also has a lot of admirers. Go figure.

The last one is Juugo who stays with them for the only reason that he's not welcome anywhere else. Juugo is huge. He scares most students and teachers. Most of the time he says and does nothing, but when his temper's raised and he snaps, there's no stopping him. He once almost killed a man when he was only 14. He also looks at Sasuke a lot.

Like he does now and Karin notices immediately.

'Christ Juugo, will you stop giving Sasuke the goo-goo eyes already.' She snaps.

Juugo blushes a deep scarlet and looks away.

'Honestly you're such a fag sometimes.'

She resumes her discussion with Suigetsu, presumably about some slutty chick he wants to 'bang'. Sasuke continues eating his lunch, but he looks up at Juugo through his lashes. Juugo is playing with his hands, his mouth moves as if he's having a whispered conversation with someone. His eyelashes are blond and long, like those of a cow.

Sasuke retreats inside his own mind once again. The only reason he is tolerated here at this table is because he looks like he belongs here: dark and handsome. And because Karin has a crush on him of course. He feels her eyes focus on him every now and then, like before with Juugo, she doesn't let anyone else close to him. Which is fine by Sasuke of course, who is only bothered by the attention of others.

The bell announces the end of the lunch break. The students all pack up and head for class. Though Sasuke's group stays loitering around the longest. It's like a competition, whoever stays last is the coolest, most bad-ass.

Just when they're about to leave the lunch room Sasuke is approached by a teacher. He puts a hand on his shoulder, Sasuke barely manages not to flinch.

'Uchiha Sasuke, your counsellor has decided to enlist you in an after school program to help you with your grades. I take it you're failing art, history, geography and English?'

He nods curtly.

'Son, there's been a little mix up. You were supposed to get this message earlier in the week. Your first lesson is directly after school. Is that alright with you, do I have to call anyone?'

'It's fine' Sasuke says.

He slides the hand of his shoulder and walks to Karin and Suigetsu who are looking at him expectantly.

'What did he want?'

-

Sasuke finds out later that he is either one of the very few people failing subjects this year, or nobody decided to show up. The classroom is empty apart from him, the teacher (who's looking bored out of his mind and sleepy as hell), and another kid. One that captures his attention.

He is small of stature but with broad shoulders and a sun kissed face. Bright blond hair and ocean eyes. The teacher asks for their names and gives them both a tic in his folder for showing up. The blond says his name is Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke sits down on the second row, and slams his pencil on his desk loud enough for the teacher wake up from the trance he was sinking in to. They are given paper, exercises and no permission to talk. Basically, all they are supposed to do these hours are fill out form after form with mind numbing exercises. The teacher doesn't do shit. He leans back and starts snoring after Sasuke's second paper.

As always he can't keep his mind on the work. He starts to drift away to the sleeping sounds and the soft scribbling of a pen. There's one bench between him and the other guy. He turns his face sideways and sneakily observes him from out the corner of his eye.

It seems that just like him he has trouble staying concentrated. His eyebrows knit together, he has one hand in his hair keeping it out of his eyes. They sit like that for the whole hour. Their teacher is glad when he finally walks them out the door. He says 'I'll see you tomorrow' and is gone.

They're alone in the hallway now, Sasuke feels an awkward silence coming up and is just about to leave when he's offered a hand. The blond smiles wide, showing all his teeth.

'Naruto.'

Sasuke shakes and says his name.

'So, he must have screwed up big time to get the after school class.' Naruto says, motioning at the door where their teacher ran of through.'

'Right.'

After he realizes that Sasuke isn't going to be a big help in getting a conversation going, he smiles embarrassed.

'I'm failing math's, physics and chemistry, you?'

Sasuke looks at him funny and turns to walk away, but he's surprised when Naruto just jogs up to walk next to him.

'You don't say much do you?'

'And you say too much. Just fuck off.'

Naruto just smiles and takes a deep breath.

'That's fine, I do talk a lot, I'll keep you company.'

'I take the bus.' Sasuke answers curtly.

'Oh, me too!'

As they walk out the gate Sasuke looks at their shoes. Naruto walks with big steps, one confident foot in front of the other. They sound exactly the same, if a blind man would pass by, he'd think they were one and the same person.

Naruto talks all the way. He says everything that comes to his mind. Though nothing he says is of very big importance and he knows it because he laughs at his own silly thoughts. Sasuke looks at his face and sees that the little smile is still etched on it. It's permanently there.

Naruto catches him staring and stops mid-sentence. The smile falters. Sasuke sees his face for what it is, still open and sweet but with a sadness around the eyes. After that Naruto resumes his story but his voice is softer now, and sounds more honest.

-

The days that follow are spent in much the same fashion. After school and after their last class, Naruto takes the bus with him. He talks and Sasuke listens, or doesn't listen, but at least they sit next to each other. Sometimes Sasuke answers his questions and this earns him one of those dazzling, heart-stopping smiles. Naruto, he discovers, is quite good at those.

Sasuke starts to notice him at school. They have kept Naruto behind one year so they don't share the same schedule, but he sees him in the hallways sometimes and their eyes meet like they have this big secret together. Naruto is often alone, sometimes bullied. When he sees one of the seniors spit on his shoes or trip him in the corridor something stirs inside his stomach, almost like rage.

-

Breakfast is always simple with Sasuke. He downs a glass of orange juice, gets some slices of bread, an apple if he sees them, and leaves for school. He's not that lucky this morning.

Usually Itachi sleeps late. He has a job as a shopkeeper that only starts in the afternoon. But Sasuke knows that's not how he really earns his money. Instead of sleeping in his own bedroom, he's crashed out on the living room floor. Head resting on the coffee table. Scattered around him are the little white pills that ruined him. His brother looks like trash. He was handsome once, some would say he still is, but compared to… He lost his shine a very long time ago.

Careful not to wake him Sasuke's quiet as cat, but he finds out later that luck is not on his side today. He almost drops the glass he's holding when his brother comes up behind him and says:

'That looks nice, would you make me some breakfast, Sasuke?'

Avoiding eye contact he smashes down the glass on the counter and rushes past.

'I'm late.'

Itachi is faster and steps in the doorway, spreading his arms on the wall, leaning forward.

'I asked you nicely.'

'Itachi, I'm late, let me go.'

Sasuke is till looking at his feet when he says that. He not brave, he's shaking. Fighting to keep his heart from being heard, it's beating so fast, so hard.

'Look into my eyes.'

**No**

'Look into my eyes.'

**NO**

Hands grab his shoulders and push him back over the table. They climb up to his throat, choking him. Sasuke claws at them desperately.

'Let me go, let me go.'

He thinks he screams those words but really he's begging him. Itachi leans over, bites his nose, turns him over. Fuck no, Sasuke thinks. He grabs the first thing he sees, plate, and whacks Itachi in the head with it. His brother stumbles backwards, groaning, clutching his head. But by this time Sasuke has already thrown open the front door.

He runs all the way to the next bus stop. Heart beating like crazy, he's trying to convince himself that that's because of exhaustion.

-

When the bell rings and announces the end of their last hour, Sasuke is weary to go. He lingers longer than usual and wanders the hallways. Outside the weather is damp, it's hot but the autumn sky is a depressing shade of grey. Naruto has buried his hands deep in his pockets and is walking out of the building. Behind the gates there is a familiar silver coloured car waiting. He has seen it before and just like those other times the windows are halfway down. He sees black hair and a straight nose. A beautiful profile.

In front of him he suddenly notices Sasuke who sees the car as well but just a fraction later than Naruto does. Sasuke reacts panicked and scared. Quickly he throws himself behind the wooden fence where the bikes are usually stalled.

Their eyes meet. Sasuke blushes a deep scarlet and shamefully averts his eyes. Naruto stops and is about to voice his confusion when he is called by the man in the car.

'Hey, kid! Have you seen my brother around?'

Naruto swirls his head back to the car and finally sees the man's face. A perfect copy of Sasuke's, albeit a little less soft and more matured. His eyes are sinfully dark as well but they lack the depth or the expressiveness of his younger brother's.

'Sasuke?'

'That's him. Have you seen him or not?' He asks in an impatient voice.

Naruto holds silent. He doesn't understand why but he knows what he saw in Sasuke's face. (Recognizes it.) He looks back at the boy pressed against the fence. His eyes are on the ground, black lashes resting on his cheeks, there is a grim and bitter frown on his lips.

'No, sorry, I haven't seen him.'

Sasuke's brother angrily kicks the engine to life and grumbles something inaudible. He drives away, leaving black streaks on the asphalt.

Sasuke lets go of the air trapped in his lungs. Relief takes away the heaviness on his heart and uncorks his bottled up emotions. It takes his everything not break down. He takes one shaky breath and walks away before the flood finally does break through his defences. Naruto calls after him but Sasuke plays deaf.

."_Why did he come to school? He never does. Can only think about what happened that morning. There's no question, Itachi is pissed, more angry than he's ever been and someone is going to get punished… Other complications, Naruto. He wasn't supposed to have witnessed that. What's he going to think. Naruto's not stupid, people might think he is, but he's not."_

-

When he finally gets back to Itachi's place (He refuses to call it home, but that's what it is) it's already getting dark very quickly. The surrounding flats and apartment buildings are grey and lit by bright uncomfortable tubular lights. He hates walking under them, every time he does he feels like they light him up and lay bare the dark spots.

He takes the stairs because he'd rather walk a thousand steps than take the elevator and be trapped. When he gets of at the 7th floor it's only a couple steps to the door. 703 is written in impersonal black letters above it. Forcing his heart to slow down he gets out his keys and tries to open the door. The key doesn't twist.

It only takes a moment to register but when he does he puts the key in his pocket again. Itachi must have changed the locks. But why would he do that? Stupid question, Itachi never does anything with a solid reason, he's sick in his head, he doesn't need any.

Sasuke is surprised to find that a part of him is actually relieved. Sure he's got nowhere to stay for the night but that better than the alternative, in some ways at least. He feels unrestricted, for once.

He takes the stairs down again and starts walking towards the bus stop for some reason. He doesn't plan on taking the bus, he's got no money, but he figures that if he stays around the house it might seem that he's desperate to be let in. He's not desperate.

As the evening grows darker, the temperature drops and the good feeling from before vanishes. He's sitting on the puke coloured bench by the bus stop. The roof and walls protect him from the cold wind but they smell like urine. Sasuke pulls his knees up and hugs them in attempt to stay warm. He's nauseous but hungry at the same time.

About 4 buses have passed him already, this tells him two hours have gone by. He's got no watch but he knows that he usually gets back by seven. He keeps his mind busy like this. It will not be enough to get him through the night. There have not been many people around. Most arrive 5 minutes before they leave again with the bus, taking their depressing presence with them and leaving the quiet to Sasuke himself.

He's awakened from his thoughts by approaching footsteps. He doesn't raze his gaze but when the feet, clad in worn orange sneakers, stop right in front of him he looks up. It's Naruto. How could it not be him? The most unpredictable person he knows.

'What are you doing here?' Naruto asks him with a faint smile on his lips.

'Nothing.' Sasuke replies.

'Isn't it a bit too late to do 'nothing'. Aren't you scared you'll get mugged or something?'

This has him raising the corners of his mouth a little. Scared? He's scared all the time but not for being mugged.

'Do I look like I've got anything on me?'

Naruto travels his eyes over him then, faded jeans, salvation army coat, schoolbag looking like it's held together by cellar tape and rope.

'Ok fine then, so you won't get mugged, but I bet you'll get raped sitting here all alone.'

Sasuke's smile disappears of his face completely. He puts up his wall again, staring straight ahead.

'Just leave me the fuck alone.'

Naruto turns to sit next to him on the small bench. His coat makes a pleasant rustling sound as he leans over to rest his chin on his palms.

'You can't stay here all night, I know you need a place to crash. Do you want to come with me?'

'I don't have money for the bus.'

'I do.'

Sasuke sighs, he really hates to do this. He really hates being here. He hates a lot of things in life, like how he can't afford to refuse the offer because frankly, spending the night by a stinking bus stop is something he'd rather not experience. He nods.

' Alright.' Naruto says.

-

They get on the bus shortly after that and Naruto pays with what cash he has left. Sasuke doesn't say much , but Naruto does. Like how he likes getting home late because then, after a long day of working he sleeps good.

They get off in a part of town that Sasuke doesn't know but looks familiar. It does so because he recognizes the same ugly concrete flats with their graffiti covered walls. Maybe the only difference is that this place looks even worse than where he lives. The streets are broad but littered with filth. There are no people around.

After the second broken lamppost Naruto makes a left turn and leads him to one of the smaller buildings, not a flat but a very big house. On the red brick outside there is a copperplate, but Sasuke can't read it what it says with this lack of light. Naruto follows his gaze.

'This is a kids home.' He says while getting out his keys.

The door jams.

'It's called Gravings Shelter for Children. Orphanage.'

With a firm shove of his shoulder de door falls open. Naruto turns and looks at him apologetically.

'They don't want me to bring people home, so I'm just going up to check if the coast is clear.'

He walks up the stairs in the big hallway, disappearing round the corner. He comes back again and waves for Sasuke to come up.

Sasuke follows him through a corridor with blue painted walls. There are cracks in the paint, the floor is streaked with mud. The lights are off. There is one single window in the farthest wall. This almost makes him feel at home because Itachi's place looks exactly the same. Then he registers how terribly fucking sad that is.

Naruto pulls him into room 7 on his right. He pulls on a string and turns on the light bulb hanging from the ceiling. In it's weak light Sasuke can see a small sober room with one iron framed bed and a small cupboard. The floor is full of cardboard boxes and from the walls pictures from newspapers and magazines hang.

'I know it looks like shit but I've got a bed and a heater. Everything you need.'

Sasuke turns to look out the window and notices cardboard on the windowsill..

'You don't even have curtains.'

Laughing throatily Naruto replies 'I know, I swapped them for the heater.'

Sasuke only just looks at him, but his eyes are soft.

'Have you got a shirt and shorts I can sleep in?'

Naruto nods and throws him something from out the cupboard, then he goes out to brush his teeth. Alone in the room Sasuke sits down on the bed. He pulls on the grey shirt. Then he can't help but think, there's only one bed. Is he going to sleep on the floor, am I? Are we going head to toes? Will he want to share? O god what if he does?

Sasuke closes his eyes and tries to calm the snakes in his belly. When he opens them again, Naruto is standing in the doorway. Blushing at getting caught staring he closes the door and sits next to him. From the corner of his eye Sasuke sees his chest move up and down as he sighs.

'Sasuke…'

Surprised by the way his name is spoken, soft and sincere, Sasuke's heart skips a beat. Is he going to say something? When it finally does come, it's not as bad as he thought it'd be.

Very slowly Naruto scoots towards him and touches his face with the tips of his fingers. He draws cool lines towards his ears and then very softly traces those lines with his lips. With slow but deliberate movements he slides himself across Sasuke's lap, all the while kissing his face with surprising tenderness. His hands comb through his hair as his movements grow a little more desperate.

Sasuke remains passive. He lifts his head and leaves his throat to Naruto's mercy but his hands don't move from their place on the sheets. With his eyes closed he can't repress the thought: Naruto's not a virgin anymore. He knows what he's doing, he's not clumsy. That's fine, only fair, he's not either.

When Naruto slows down his movement and kisses the corner of his mouth Sasuke grabs his shoulders. They look into each others eyes and in the dark blue melts in black.

Sasuke flips him over, pushes his shoulders down into the mattress. Naruto holds still, doesn't fight, but then leans forward and licks his neck. The other pulls away immediately, straddling him. Sasuke pulls of his shirt and drops it on the ground. He's not shy anymore, nor is Naruto innocent. Everything is ruined already, so there's nothing left to break. 'Why hold back?' his head tells him. Naruto won't mind.

'Turn around.' Sasuke whispers in the dark.

-

Rays of light breaks through the cracks in the cardboard that morning. They fall on his face and wake him up. Sasuke turns his head. Naruto is lying propped up against the wall, one hand near his mouth, the other above his head. His lips are parted, blond hair sticks to his face., over his closed eyes. He looks like a girl, almost, but more like an angel, or a child.

Sasuke gets up quietly, searches the floor for his clothes. When he's dressed again he looks back once more and almost doubts. But then he turns, leaving for school.

-


	2. Chapter 2

**disclaimer, I don't own Naruto, of course.**

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 2_

_-_

He arrived at school way too early which was convenient because this way he had the chance to wash up in the locker rooms before going to class. He had been feeing like a zombie walking to school, like a corpse, just not in control of his body anymore. His feet had taken him here without stopping. He still felt it: the caresses from last night, the heat. It had been so different.

The cold water in his face wakes him up. Breathing hard he looks into the mirror and discovers a faded mark on his neck. He scowls. What was he thinking leaving marks like that, little shit. But then, it's not entirely Naruto's fault either, Sasuke thinks. It's his fault as well, for not knowing boundaries, just for letting it happen like it did.

From outside, the school noises start to grow louder. It's time for him to go and pretend. One last time he slides his hand over the mark, then pulls his shirt over it.

-

Suigetsu and Karin aren't easily fooled. They notice his shabby appearance at once.

'Jeez, you look even more shit than usual. Had a rough night?' Suigetsu shouts when he's approaching them.

'Shut up idiot, Sasuke never looks like shit.' Karin replies angrily as he smacks him on the head.

She smiles at him and arches her back but Sasuke can see he doubt in her eyes, the confusion, rage? It bothers him to see that, because how could she think she has the right? He has never let her believe that he's interested in her, hasn't ever misled her like that, and still she thinks of him as her property.

'Whatever Karin, I say he looks like a man who didn't get to see his bed last night.'

Sasuke looks at Karin from the corner of his eye. Inside he smiles ruthlessly and doesn't deny it. He sees the girl's eyes widen and her mouth turn into one fine line. She looks away again and tries to regain her cool.

'Fuck it, I'm gonna smoke.' she says and then leaves in a hurry, long strides. Boys watch her go because, well apart from being a terrible bitch, she's really quite pretty.

-

During lunch Sasuke notices Naruto as an angry presence in his shadow. He avoids looking at him directly but he catches his sight from the corners of his eyes more than often. There is a frown on his face, confusion in his eyes. He's staring at him, playing with his food instead of eating it.

When the bell goes to announce the end of break, Sasuke sees him get up. They almost meet at the wide doorway. Naruto stands there, mouth half open and eyes on the ground, as if he's trying to say something. But Sasuke walks by him in, hands in his pockets.

They don't see each other again until P.E., which is Sasuke' last hour. He always stays late because undressing in front of others is strange for him, he has so much to hide. Only sometimes does he reveal the bruises and cuts on his body, but only for a moment. Throwing a shirt back on and then getting out as fast as he can. He never had any problems before.

The steam from the showers has almost all disappeared but the air stays a little humid. You can taste soap if you stick out your tongue. Sasuke's head whips up when he hears the door open. Naruto walks in, eyes on the ground, looking a little lost.

'Hey.' He says in a defeated voice.

Sasuke just stands there for a second, not really knowing what to do. His hands freeze on the hem of his shirt. Water leaks from the points of his hair onto the grey t-shirt, creating dark little spots. He scowls in the awkward silence.

'I just, wanted to talk to you about… You know…'

Naruto struggles to say the it. For once his big mouth abandons him, leaving him here at loss for words. His hands are buried deep within the pockets of his trousers.

'The thing is, you hurt me. And I don't feel like forgiving you for it.'

This last thing comes out more resolute than the rest. Sasuke knows what he means. Naruto is the kind of person who likes waking up with someone, he's sweet like that but also a little naïve. Sasuke stubbornly keeps the silence. He just keeps putting his clothes on without even looking at the boy pouring his heart out to him.

'I think about kissing you sometimes, anywhere, and I have to fight really hard not to. Don't you ever think of kissing me?' He asks hesitantly.

Naruto's ignored by the other which is fucking painful, he thinks, because here he is, laying bare his soul for him and that arrogant prick won't even honour him with an answer. Perhaps that's why through clenched teeth he says the next cruel words.

'Your brother comes around after school a lot, you're lucky to have him pick you up, that's really considerate of him, but you never look too happy to see him. I know a look of fear when I see it, Sasuke. Back at Gravings some of the kids have looks like that. They came from bad homes mostly, sick, malnourished, abused… '

The sentence is not finished but angrily interrupted by Sasuke who finally looks at him now. Eyes on fire with rage and betrayal.

'OK, so you know how fucking ruined I am!'

Almost immediately after he's said it, Naruto regrets it, wishing he could take back the words just to make that heartbreaking expression disappear from Sasuke's face.

'I'm sorry I didn't me-'

'Yes you did.' Sasuke says desperately trying to keep a cool appearance.

'You meant it.'

He paces around the room for a few seconds before furiously ripping open the door and storming out heading for the sports field. Naruto follows, obviously. He practically has to jog to catch up with the angry strides. The sky is dotted with big clouds, coloured orange and pink by the setting sun. The October wind is blowing fiercely across the football pitch.

'I'm sorry alright!' Naruto shouts at him from the other side.

'It's just that when I'm around you, or when I have to speak to you, it's not really me who says the words. No, wait, it is but what I mean is that I'm like a spectator in my own head. I don't have much control, see.'

Sasuke has stopped in the middle of the field. The wind is whipping his hair about, those fine streaks of ink. He looks beautifully chaotic, emotion etched on his usually blank face. Naruto sucks in his breath at the sight and reduces his voice to a whisper.

'I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I know that hat's not fair and not right, but I couldn't help it. You kind of bring out the worst in me.'

Stepping closer now, Sasuke can see that their exactly the same height. His eyes meet those blue ones head on, and it's a spectacular clash. Naruto inches forward with his face, still not touching but just tasting the air there with his lips. Unconsciously his hands anchor themselves in Sasuke's jacket.

'I really, honestly fight to keep from kissing you sometimes…' He whispers so softly that maybe it wasn't meant for anyone to hear.

Sasuke can feel where this is going, he sees the lust in those blue eyes, the want, and he recognizes it. Shocked and scared as hell he backs away, tearing loose. He turns around, breathing heavily, like he has just run a mile.

He mutters the words 'Just leave me alone.' and walks down the pitch, leaving Naruto by himself under the stormy sky.

When he's on the bus later and he thinks about what he saw he realizes that maybe it wasn't exactly familiar. He knows how Itachi looks at him, and now he knows how Naruto does, but there is a faint difference between the two. He can't really put his finger on it. Maybe the main difference is just the fact that when Naruto looks at him he doesn't feel the need to flee. It's not a predatory glance. It's a look that says: 'I don't want or care about others, only you, only now.' He shyly admits that somewhere, deep down to the core where there's still some unspoiled piece of 'him' left, he kind of likes this look.

-

A week goes by before Sasuke looses it. Every after school class they've had together since that unfortunate thing happened. he's been anxious. There's been a tension in the classroom that felt heavy in the cool winter air. Naruto didn't smile anymore and even his pen scribbles recently sound angry.

On the seventh day Sasuke wanders the streets, not fully aware that he's looking for him. It's just a though in his head, but he hasn't really considered it. It's just little voice saying:

So what if we were looking for him?

School is over, it's almost 5, Naruto is long gone. Like in the last few days he hasn't voluntarily been in the same room with him for more than a minute. These day's the sound of the school bell is always accompanied by the sound of his footsteps leading away through the corridors. Sasuke had lingered around the buss stop, deliberately missing the first buss. He's walked the same street up and down three times now and when the second bus arrived half an hour later he dug up some change and paid for a ticket. Choosing which stop to get off of at, proved to be a big decision. It was one or the other. Face Itachi or Naruto.

Eventually he's chosen the lesser of the two evils. Although calling Naruto evil would be like calling a amoeba threatening.

Now it's starting to rain slightly. Painting the world in a slightly darker hue. It's a drizzle in which Sasuke can't see farther than the next street corner, only the painfully bright neon light are visible in the blur. The reason he's here is because he distinctly remembers Naruto talking about his job at a noodle bar around in this neighbourhood. So what he does is peek through every little shop window in the street hoping to catch a glance at the interior and the people.

There are a lot of very small dingy bar's and café's on each side of the street, but only one or two where you could actually get a cup of noodles. He crosses one street and walks past a little alley on his right. There is one thing that makes him stop and take a look, the clanging of the lid of a garbage bin being thrown on the ground. It could have been a cat, but it's not.

It's Naruto hauling a huge garbage bag on his back. He struggles with it for a second and then drops it inside the container. The he ducks to pick up the lid and as he gets up again his eyes catch the figure spying on him.

'Sasuke?'

Mustering up all his courage Sasuke opens his mouth to voice the words that have been floating through his head all week long when he is brusquely interrupted.

'What the fuck are you doing here?'

Naruto waits for an answer, pinning Sasuke with accusing blue eyes, but when he figures out that he won't get one, he relaxes his shoulders, turns around to open the back door to a restaurant, and whispers in a barely audible voice:

'Whatever, let's go inside.'

Inside it's dark, but also at least dry and warm. The smoke in the air obscures his vision, although this doesn't matter very much because, Sasuke suspects, there isn't much to see. It's a restaurant, maybe more like a café.

Naruto finds his way back to where the kitchen must be. The door is open and it seems a little lighter in there. A moment later he leans outside again and shouts down the corridor:

'Are you coming?'

He sounds slightly pissed still. Sasuke follows him. The room is lit by bright tubular lights, which reveal it to be a kitchen after all. It's a rather large kitchen for a shabby place like this. The air smells faintly like noodles, although there isn't anything cooking at the moment. Naruto putts a new garbage bag in the bin and asks him:

'So, what do you want?'

He leans against the counter, rolling up his sleeves before shoving his hands in his pockets. He looks at the floor in silent anger. Sasuke doesn't know what to say, he's never been good with saying sorry, he never felt like he had to before. It never really mattered. But now here he is, with this weight on his shoulders and all he knows is that there used to be this boy who looked at him, and who cared for what he said, who now doesn't anymore.

He just wants it all back.

'I…look I just. I have to…'

He suffers as he tries to get the words right, to get them out of his throat at all. Naruto looks at him and there is a hint of amusement in his eyes, but also that cold resolute shine, telling him to go to hell. Sasuke figures words aren't his forte and he steps up, right in front of him and places his hands on Naruto's ears. They stay like this for a second, breathing each others breath. Just when Naruto opens his mouth to say something Sasuke takes the dive and kisses him forcibly on his mouth. His way of saying sorry.

Naruto raises up his arms in defence. They seem trapped between their bodies. He wriggles out of the grip and pushes the other against his shoulders. Sasuke stumbles back and falls against the counter, knocking his elbow.

'I'm working asshole.' Naruto says, but there is a sudden fondness in his voice that wasn't there before.

His eyes look softer now. Sasuke throws an meaningful glance at the empty restaurant. He raises one mocking eyebrow, and smirks.

'Alright, fine. I'm still not gonna take you back.'

After that it's silent for a while. Naruto starts getting out pots and boiling water. They both seem in trapped in their own thoughts. Maybe it's because they've both just realized that they just shared a first kiss. And what kind: forced, awkward, guilty, if everything between them is going to be like that then it might be a good idea to call it off now, to just go back and forget.

But also like a lot of things between them the kiss was, passionate, inevitable and sincere, so perhaps, Sasuke thinks, coming here was fine after all.

-

The following days go by smoothly for some reason. The hours have no meaning except for those short times that he sees Naruto, in the hallway maybe, or the canteen, or even outside at the school gate.

He doesn't see Itachi anymore. When he silently sneaks into his room (although the apartment is completely empty but for him) the bed is cold, it hasn't been slept in for days. This makes Sasuke's heart do weird things. It starts beating like crazy when he thinks that maybe he's not coming back, of fear and exhilaration that is. Fear mostly though, because what is he without him?

Because of the lack of food in the kitchen cupboard and presence he's often pushed towards the direction of Naruto's noodle bar. He never really sets out with as end point the bar, but he sort of just always ends up there. Wandering the neighbourhood until he's finally done with mentally scolding himself and has gathered up enough courage to just walk in. When he does there's always Naruto waiting there with this smug smile on his face like knew about the internal struggle all along, but behind that there always another smile, one that's grateful and shy and touching. He says hello and pours him a cup of soup, and when it's not busy he sits on the counter and they chat about simple things. And if after that, Sasuke sometimes spends the night in Naruto's cramp and noisy room then that's only because he's too tired to take the buss back to his place again.

But things aren't always simple between them. Hell, most of the time they're not. Most of the time it's Naruto who brings up something that Sasuke would rather have left alone, and they fight and argue. Sasuke says mean things to Naruto that he really wants to say, and Naruto says mean things to Sasuke that he doesn't want to say but that he does anyway, because he can't keep his mouth shut.

After that they're silent, but at least Sasuke doesn't run away anymore. He just locks his lips, starts brooding. He waits for Naruto to get concerned and apologize, he never has to wait long.

-

Tonight is one of those night when Naruto wants to talk. They're in his shabby room in Gravings Orphanage. The rain beats down against the window, creating a constant murmur in the background. It's a comforting sound than drains out the creaking of the floor in the hallway and the scuffling of rats in the attic. Sasuke has a cigarette between his lips, his back is against the wall, his knees are drawn up, covered by the sheets. Naruto lays on his stomach next to him, his head is rested in his folded arms, eyes closed, but Sasuke can't see that.

'Who was your first?' Naruto whispers in the dark, his voice slightly muffled by the heavy sheets.

He gets no answer, but that's alright because he doesn't ever expect one. The boy exhaling smoke into the atmosphere is never talkative. His answers always have to be dragged out of him. Sometimes Naruto goes through the trouble to do just that but not now. They're both tired, it's cold and dark, except for the moonlight painting figures of shadows on the floor. He only wants a little intimacy, some connection, he doesn't need answers for that. Just to have him be there and listening is enough. He can count on him to do that, listen, always could.

'I knew mine here. He slept in the room across the hall to the left. It's empty now.' He sighs.

'His name was Gaara, he was seventeen at the time, I was thirteen. I guess he was a little like you.'

This catches Sasuke's attention, he glances at him with one dark eye while his fingers play with the cigarette. He slightly raises one eyebrow. The small gesture makes Naruto laugh. He turns all the way now, lying on his back, resting on his elbows.

'Honestly. He never talked either.'

'I do talk.' Sasuke mutters annoyed.

'Of course you do.'

Naruto smiles with his eyes. He waves his hands though the smoke curling its way to the ceiling. His arm is grabbed by the wrist. Sasuke grips him softer than usual and drags his own hand towards the other's, knotting their fingers.

'Thirteen is very young.'

Naruto knows that he's trying to prove him wrong by speaking his mind for once. They're not looking at each other. He shrugs his shoulders, the bed creaks.

'I wanted it myself.'

This time the answer comes quickly, and it's coated with an angry hiss.

'How could you know what you wanted at thirteen.'

Naruto sits up and pulls his hand loose. He covers his naked shoulders with the covers and puts his hand on the side of Sasuke's face. They burn the skin there. With his other hand he robs the cigarette from the other's fingers and throws it on the floor.

'I wasn't forced or anything.' He whispers, 'don't' worry.'

'I don't', Sasuke argues in a sharp voice.

He pulls away brusquely from the hand on his face and combs his fingers through his hair. He sees Naruto pull an ugly face, sees his mouth shape into that resolute line he knows so well. Because despite from being a soft guy, sad but determent and trying, he has quite a temper.

Naruto sighs and holds still for about a second, then out of nowhere he grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him down onto the bed, straddling him, and wrestling him down. Sasuke resists for a while, throwing weak punches and pushing at the body on his stomach until they're both breathing loud in the silent room. He stops his struggling and rests his arms beside him. He forces himself to look calm but his muscles are braced.

'Give up?' Naruto asks between breaths.

Because Sasuke doesn't say anything and just stares at him much like an angry six-year-old would, Naruto sniggers.

'You're such a dick sometimes.' He says.

He leans forward a little and inspects the midnight colour of Sasuke's eyes, his pale skin, the mole under his jaw. His hands starts to wander towards that immortally beautiful face like he can't control them. He needs to feel the texture of the lips, the ridge of the nose. He needs to assure himself that what he sees really is substantial, and not just some twisted dream of his.

As always, when Naruto looks at him like that, Sasuke's throat closes up. He moves his arm towards the other's shoulder and flicks him off his stomach in one fluid motion, right on the empty space beside him where the bed creaks and the sheets rustle. Then he turns his back to him and mutters: 'Go to sleep.'

-

As autumn steadily grows colder and the days get shorter, Sasuke is finding it harder to keep his head in class during school hours. There is always the restlessness. The feeling of being in a caged with a lion and standing with your back towards the animal. The threat in the back corners of his mind where he always wants to look over his shoulder to see if his brother is there. His absence of late has made him even more paranoid. It feels like he could pop up at every turn and street he walks. But apart from this ever present discomfort there is also the fluttery feeling in his stomach.

He adamantly refuses to call it butterflies.

The bell announces the beginning of their history lesson. Their teacher called Ibiki is a grumpy man with a heavy voice. He's an ex soldier, and likes to boast it. Karin sits next to him. She has he hands crossed over her chest, a fruity lip-gloss clutched in her fist. Suigetsu at her side, sniggering constantly at the poor people in front of him.

Ibiki is interrupted mid sentence when the door flings open and Naruto peeks in. He stutters embarrassedly for a moment but then Ibiki shoots him a 'get on with it or I'll kick you in the brain'-glance.

'Um Mr. Izumo asks if I can borrow your copy-card Mr. Ibiki.' He asks in a little voice.

The latter bends over the table and starts rummaging about in his bag (army pattern), then he flings him a little plastic card. Naruto catches it easily but just stands there looking a little lost.

'I don't know how to use it.'

Ibiki sighs and waves for Sasuke to stand up.

'Help this ignorant boy out Uchiha, so I can get back to the causes of the second world war.'

Surprised but willing, Sasuke stands up and moves towards the door where Naruto waits in the opening, an expression on his face not entirely readable. Karin notices and frowns. In the corridor with the door shut and a noisy school-silence around them, Naruto uses his normal voice again.

'who was the punk Barbie doll on your left?'

'Her name's Karin.'

Naruto nods his head.

'She a friend?'

'I don't have any friends.' Sasuke says, at which he receives an accusing punch to the shoulder.

'I'm your friend, dickhead.' Naruto says in a mock-hurt voice.

'No you're not.'

Naruto stops in his tracks.

'What? Of course I'm your friend!'

They enter the copy room, Sasuke first, Naruto follows after him, there's still a bewildered expression of his face. He opens his mouth and then shuts it again, looking for words, imitating a fish. Meanwhile Sasuke has popped in the copy card and has pressed the button for 35 copies. The pleasant buzz the machine emits seems to awaken Naruto from his thoughts. He violently pushes the other against the wall. Sasuke bangs his head against a metal bookcase, he groans.

'What the-'

'Fine, if I'm not your friend I want to be your lover.' Naruto says in his face, short and to the point.

Sasuke looks at him incredulously. Before almost shouting in his face:

'No way!'

'Well we fuck don't we? So technically we are!'

Sasuke is stupefied. Yes, so they fuck, that doesn't mean there is anything. They're not in a relationship, they're not dating. They're certainly not lovers.

'Fine if it's such a big deal to you, then I guess we're friends.' He eventually says to get him to shut up.

Naruto averts his eyes and leans against the copy machine. The sunlight, filtered by the yellow blinds, hits his face and turns his eyelashes bright blond. He looks sad and small like a child. But then he breathes out silently and raises his head, no signs of turmoil on his face.

'Are you sleeping at mine tonight?' He asks innocently.

-

When he gets the apartment he's happy to see that his brother isn't back yet. His coat's gone, and his money. Sasuke fixes himself a meal out of rice, tomato sauce and old bread before going over to Naruto's, all the while making a mental shopping list as he goes through the cupboards. They are way too empty.

Going through the pockets of every pair of pants he has, Sasuke puts together all the change he's found, it's not even enough for two days. He's going to have to ask Itachi for money again, if he'll ever be back. A nasty shiver crawls up his spine as he can almost hear his brother whisper the answer in his ear. (Earn it).

Desperate to postpone the inevitable, Sasuke pushes open the door to his brother's bedroom. He forces his eyes away from the bed, and marches to a heavy, white closet. His hands open all the drawers and search the contents. All the way in the back of the last drawer his fingers touch something. Something cold and hard. Sasuke immediately pulls back his hand, as if he burned it.

It takes him a full minute to compose himself enough to reach out for the object again. This time he knows what to find. He doesn't seem surprised as his hand pull forward a sleek silver gun. It shines in the faint light, teasing him.

Then the door slams, and Sasuke's heart stops beating.

-

**I ORDER YOU TO REVIEW!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**disclaimer, I don't own Naruto, of course.**

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 3_

_--_

Then the door slams and Sasuke drops the gun. It falls to the ground, making a soft thud on the grey carpet. He's panicking now and kicks the gun under the bed. His eyes immediately fall on the open drawers. He jumps forward trying to close them before they're noticed but he's already too late.

'What are you doing?' Itachi asks and his voice makes his spine freeze up and go numb.

He stands there in the room, guilty, caught like a deer in the headlights. His hands drop back to hang limply by his sides.

'I need money.' His voice is uncertain and soft. He hates it like that. He hates how Itachi can make it sound like that.

His brother sighs. From out of his pockets he takes a bundle of wrinkled banknotes held together by a rubber band. He picks a few off, and puts the rest back in the pocket. Sasuke can't tear his eyes away from the money.

Itachi holds out the cash to him. Not knowing what to think, Sasuke doesn't act. He just stares at the hand, and then up at his brother's black eyes. They're mocking him. As soon as he reaches out to get the money, the hand is pulled away. Instead, Itachi gives him one of his most cruel (beautiful) smiles and puts it on the night stand.

Then he takes place on the bed. He grabs Sasuke's arm and pulls him down next to him. Sasuke struggles weakly against the heavy weight on his chest, but he's just not strong enough.

'I did not like at all what you did last time. Can you remember?'

Yes he can remember, it's plagued his mind ever since. Breaking a plate over his brother' head. knew he was out of line, he knew he was going to get 'punished' for it somehow.

'Little whore.'

Itachi's breath grows more laboured as his hand start to simultaneously push up Sasuke's shirt and pull down his pants.

'You're so beautiful.'

That's enough. He wants to go and hide his head under Naruto's sheets, in the back of his neck. He wants to be there and secretly play with his blond hair as he sleeps.

But Itachi gets what he wants, he always does. He's the eldest, does that mean he has the right? Right now, he murmurs sweet things in Sasuke's ear that make him feel sick, words that urge him to throw up.

Like always, Sasuke closes his eyes tight shut, and bites his teeth. He endures.

-

He's telling his limbs to stop shaking, willing his fingers to quit trembling. The soft sheets caressing his skin feel like snakes coiling under him. The sharp pain has receded to a dull present ache which might be even worse. With his head not clouded by the hurt anymore, full waves of self-pity -loathing and disgust threaten to choke him. He picks himself together and sits up throwing his head in his hands.

'Oh God.'

He's fighting so hard to keep the harsh sobbing back in the safe container, his chest. It feels like being scraped out from the inside, filling up with blood and then drowning on it. He scrambles to a sit and pulls his trousers back up with a red face. The embarrassment is perhaps more painful than the sting.

Itachi is stumbles around in the bathroom. He hears him open the cabinets and turn on the shower. Standing there, half-naked and hurt in his brothers room Sasuke feels the bile rise in his throat and falls to his knees, vomiting up the meagre dinner he had before. He drops his head to the floor and bites his lip too hard. The tangy metallic taste of blood covers the nasty taste of puke but just barely.

His left hand on the carpet discover a cold smooth surface. He turns his head and is faced with the shiny metal of a gun. It blinks and shimmers at him like some magic mirror. It's not scary, or hostile but only inviting. Sasuke's fingers curl around the shape, they touch the smoothness with an ease of someone who has touched guns before.

The weight is comfortably familiar in his hand, like a trusting friend, it whispers to him and sends a pleasant tingling of control and power up his arm.

Sasuke heaves himself of his two legs. He has to hold his hand on his sore side, it's already bruising and turning a nasty shade of purple. The gun hangs from his fingers like an extended part of himself. With shaking hands he checks the magazine. 3 little steel bullets peek back at him. They're smiling.

It's now or too late. He feels as if all his life he has been waiting and preparing for this very moment. It's as if god himself had just changed his mind about him. "Oh, by the way, I haven't given up on you yet. Have this, show your worth, fight for your justice." Fight he will, for his justice, his truth, his _revenge_.

His steps on the carpet are muted but suddenly very sure. Breathing calmly he opens the door, crosses the hall and pushes open the bathroom door, gun still clenched securely in his fist.

The bathroom is filled with water vapour, misty like his head. Sasuke can't think straight but he can feel, wishes he wouldn't, and that's enough to make him lift his arm. The shower is on, his brother standing under the spray, so beautiful it's unfair.

'Itachi' he says in a voice that, for once, is entirely his own, hurt, hoarse and broken, like his voice when he was 7 years old. That day when his life as he knew it was gone and the nightmare was about to begin.

All this he keeps in his head as his eyes glaze over, hard, full of hate. Itachi turns and his face shows surprise and shock. He must have seen the tear-streaked face of his brother with the ugly sneer for a mouth. He must have seen how completely revolting he's made him. He must have seen the gun in his face.

'I fucking hate you.'

**Bang**.

-

"_There you go, good boy. You've done it now, it was about time. See how he falls? It's because he was wonderful once, a very long time ago, but still, falling from such a reputation guarantees a smack. But all that doesn't matter now, it falls away and is washed down the drain. It's meaningless , because this was the point where it stops, or starts again, or dies, whatever you want. You can breath again, close you eyes and when you open them it'll be a new you. If you don't want to be who you used to be than you don't have to. Just let it slip. Step out of your skin like a snake. That was why you did it right? To step out of your skin?"_

_-_

The first things he notices are the noise and the red flickering lights he can see through the bathroom window, but it takes a while for him to really realize they're there. It's as if he's surrounded by clouds. They make everything seem far away and softer. But then when he wakes from his trance with a start the noise sounds much louder than it is. Amplified as if it were. The front door is kicked open and in seconds he hears them storm the house. The first one stops abruptly when he sees him. He shouts something back and then approaches. No doubt he has seen the gun on the floor, maybe the blood as well.

'Right then, stay on the floor. It's going to be okay.' the police officer tells him, as if he's a nervous horse.

Sasuke laughs at that. 'Yeah, everything is fine now, I made sure of that! You came about a year too late.' He thinks. His laugh is interrupted by the heavy body pressing him to the floor. Awfully familiar. It's the same police officer that said it was 'going to be alright', fucking liar.

Sasuke's no threat. He cuffed and hauled to his feet with brute force. A big hand on his back pushes him into the living room while the man's mouth is talking away to some others that now stand in the room looking a little lost. They had been expecting resistance, an armed gang, the mafia, maybe even some 'gangstas'. All they see now is a teenage kid, way too thin, way too sick looking, with an expression on his face too troubled for a boy his age.

He sees them looking at him. They're thinking the thoughts any normal person would think if they saw the bloody scene in the bathroom or the little white pills on the coffee table. It really is a shame that no one knows the truth behind it.

Whatever happens after that he can't remember very well. It was all sort of blurry and strange. He thinks he saw something when the officers forced him out of the apartment. He thinks he saw Naruto's blue eyes in the glass elevator door. But of course that would have been unlikely.

-

The large building doesn't go unnoticed by Sasuke's nervous eyes. He ties not to let it get to him, but he can't help his heart speeding up and his hands going clammy. Juvie is not nice. He's heard the stories and he's read all the flyers. It's a place of rules, routine and rigidness.

When the sleek black car stops in front of they grey wall, it doesn't seem so bad. There are no metal bars and no fences with barbed wire. It's not a prison, it's a place were they correct young delinquents and help them become productive members of society…

The man escorting him, dressed in a black suit, grabs his shoulder and pushes him towards the heavy door with just a little more force than would have been necessary. The door is opened by a gloomy looking man who mumbles a greeting and points them in the direction of the largest building. This building is built of red bricks and stands out in the courtyard. You can see that it's the oldest construction. The high wall and the barracks are all built out of the same grey concrete and black wood, they don't look very old, maybe 10 years tops.

The inside of the red building proves Sasuke's right. A big old hallway with high ceilings and glass doors. Though it's adapted to its current function of course, a moody looking secretary is typing her life away at a white desk. She lures at them from under her glasses but otherwise ignores them. Until the man in the suit clears his throat.

'Uchiha Sasuke, he has an appointment with Mr. Sarutobi.'

'Mr. Sarutobi is busy right now, you can wait there in the meantime.'

The secretary gives him a haughty look and sends him to a room on her right with her index finger. They sit down and wait for a total of four seconds before a frail old man walks in and greets them, shaking both their hands. He has a hushed conversation with the man in the suit before finally turning his full attention to Sasuke.

'So, will you follow me please.'

The old man's office is beautiful but badly lit. The curtains are half drawn but the little strip of daylight that does manage to slip in is grey. The view outside is discouraging. A sombre courtyard, 5 long barracks, each little building with a painted green door, and in the distance a soccer field and some trees. The entire scene is covered in a pale fog.

'Please be seated. I've called one of the instructors, he'll show you around the premises later on and explain a few of the rules here, but first I want you to listen for a bit. You see, you're case is a little of a mystery. The police told me your drug test was negative, there was no motive, nothing that could have made you do what you did.'

Sasuke has heard enough, starts to zone out. He's already turned the little button in his brain. He hasn't told anyone, and isn't planning to.

'You are very lucky your brother was still alive when we found him.'

Sasuke clenches his hands, bites his teeth. Fate is laughing at him.

'He would have died if the police hadn't arrived when they did. It was very fortunate that they were in the neighbourhood.'

Mr. Sarutobi breathes out and the sheets on his desk rustle. He puts the pen he's holding in a glass jar and folds his hands on his stomach, leaning backwards to study him properly.

'Why did you shoot brother, if I may ask?'

Of course Sasuke doesn't respond. He's been asked this question for about a million times. They shouted it at him, demanded it, they begged him to say, they even tried to comfort him. The good cop, bad cop, whatever cop. He hasn't spoken a word. It's weird that they gave him such a mild punishment. He hasn't behaved but then again, he's got no record and no motive, they don't know what to do with him.

So here he is now, juvenile delinquent. Detained.

'Fine, it's okay if you won't answer me. You'll answer to your therapist. It's compulsory, though in your case quite necessary I believe.'

The heavy silence after that is quickly interrupted by two knocks on the wooden door.

'There he is. Always late…' Sarutobi mumbles before shouting: come in.

The man that enters has grey hair but a young face. He has a broad mouth, slightly upward curving lips that give him permanent grin. He nods to Sarutobi and gives Sasuke a hand. Firm, warm hands.

'This is Kakashi, he's one of the teachers and a guard in this facility. He will show you around and familiarize you with the rules. You can go Kakashi.

-

That day he's introduced to the barracks and the school, the sports field and of course the other inmates. They seem like normal kids, aging from thirteen to eighteen or even nineteen. Their faces are closed and some behave hostile towards him, but most are just indifferent. They have their own little cliques, the people that they feel good with or maybe people that remind them of their old life.

There is a complete hierarchy with Sasuke on the bottom and Zaku and Dosu on top. They are older than he is, at least eighteen and they, Zaku especially, have a temper. Their rotten character could be the only reason why they're on top. People don't particularly fear them, but they do avoid them. It's just best not to get in their business is all.

Sasuke is not nearly weak enough to be a target. For one, he keeps a low profile, he doesn't talk or get in trouble with the big guys. Second, people think he's weird. First day in Juvie, they announced his crime in public. Most of the ones in here are thieves or just rebels or drug dealers, that's why Sasuke stands out.

He picked up a gun and pulled the trigger. He almost took a man's life. There aren't many who are being held for such grave crimes.

The only person Sasuke talks to is Haku, who.. Haku is not even on the hierarchy. He's a special case. Special in such a way that it's a shame to be seen with him, but also in such a way that no one dares to harm him. He's looked at funny. He knows a lot of people, sometimes they're even old acquaintances from before Juvie. He's very smart.

He was the first one who would talk to him. Although Sasuke is also among the few that ever talked back to him. He looks…peculiar. And even that's mild.

There is no doubt that Haku is gorgeous. If he were a girl then guys would be tripping over their feet in the hurry to offer him their seat, but he's not. He has a perfectly oval face with impossibly large, brown eyes. His features are soft and tender, full lips and arching eyebrows, a smooth forehead. He's small and fragile looking with narrow shoulders, but he looks soft and not at all skinny. I you'd put Haku in any room full of pretty girls, he'd still be the most beautiful looking one of all.

When Haku talks it doesn't seem as if he's aware of his remarkable looks. He speaks with pleasant modesty and smiles shyly if he's flattered. He's the sweet one, and Sasuke's only friend.

-

Among the older inmates there is a silent boy with fiery red hair. He is of a medium length with impossibly white skin and icy blue eyes. He stands apart from everyone else, always on his own when they share the courtyard in their free hours. Sasuke asks Haku about him on the third day.

'The hostile looking one? His name's Gaara. You shouldn't bother with him, he's…not friendly.'

Sasuke remembers the name immediately, it comes from before. He hadn't forgotten his conversations with Naruto about love and loss and sex. Still, there might be more than one Gaara. Just to be sure, he asks again.

'Where's he from exactly?'

'Mmm, I think he's from Gravings, an orphanage in the city, just like about 20 percent of the people in here. I tell you, that place brings forth the most criminally insane people you'll ever see.'

So it is _that _Gaara. Sasuke looks at him again and sees a little bit more. Nervous fingers and shifty eyes. A bitter frown on his childlike face. Red lines peeking out from under his hair. Love it says, written in blood. He shivers.

'I know.' Haku says, and he does.

He feels people and their emotions. He knows about Gaara's sorrow, just like Sasuke does. They both recognized it of his face. The see it in the mirror. Haku whispers the following words for absolutely no one in particular. He says them to himself, never forget this:

'He's very lonely. I'm so lucky not to be like him. Lost like him. I'm so lucky.'

-

'What about you?'

His huge brown eyes shine a million shades in the afternoon sunlight. His face is sweet and curious, clear skin, inquisitive, innocent gaze. Straight, soft brown hair, falling down his shoulders and caressing his face. He tucks the loose strands behind his ears, a very delicate movement.

'Don't you want to go home?'

Sasuke struggles to answer, he really does. There's something about Haku that relaxes him. Though now he can't seem to look him in the eye, so in stead he focuses his gaze on the other's neck. He inspects the shadow where the jaw smoothes into throat.

'I don't know why I would.' He eventually says, although he's not entirely pleased with the answer. It's a little bit of a lie, even if it's one he tells himself.

'Don't you have any precious people?'

Again he can't answer, and this time he doesn't even try. The sun is fading, the sky is still very clear, but the winter is shortening the days. He withdraws deeper into his coat and stares at the empty field in front of him. Haku says nothing, he has such a good feel on people, knowing exactly when to talk and when to laugh, when to ask and when to leave be.

Does he have any precious people? He used to think not. Not anymore at least. They were all robbed from him, or they changed and just… weren't anymore. But that was some time ago. These days his heart may not be empty. And although they're separated, and he hasn't seen him for maybe a month, he's still there, kind of. In his head, and beneath his fingers, and next to him at night.

He sighs, longingly and defeated.

Haku moves on the bench next to him. He ties his hair up and pokes him in the shoulder.

'We've got to go, it's time.'

-

When it's bedtime, and the guard on duty yells at them to get in bed and dims the light, Haku rolls on his side and faces him. Their eyes meet, Sasuke prepares for a serious conversation, because only at night do they all dare reveal a little bit. Except maybe for Haku himself, who is open 24/7.

'Do you remember what I asked you before? About precious people?'

Sasuke nods slightly.

'You seem like a very strong person Sasuke, a good one too. But I believe that you can only be truly strong, down to the core, if you're protecting your precious someone.'

He says this all with vivid determinacy. Stubborn, brown eyes glistening in the scarce light. Sasuke can see that with all his might, Haku clings to this statement.

'You're full of shit.'

Haku smiles at that, widely first but then his smile fades a little, it stays glued on his angel-face though. It even resonates through the next thing he says:

'You have a very foul mouth. But I think that you could be formidable with your precious someone. That's what I think.'

-

About 4 days after that, upon coming outside and filling his lungs with the fresh, icy air, he's greeted by an abnormal amount of noise, all coming from one corner of the courtyard. He stands in the doorway a moment, not knowing what to do. A small crowd is forming, people are yelling. Finally making up his mind he walks forward and makes his way to where it's happening.

Everything after that happens really fast and kind of slow at the same time. Looks, and images are stretched, more intense, but everyone seems to be moving faster than usual.

The first he sees, is a blur of navy blue and skin. Two kids are fighting it out on the pavement. One of the two, a large boy with brown hair and a square jaw, throws a punch, hitting the other in the face. He staggers backward, looking like he could almost fall. There is blond hair covering his face, and this should have tipped Sasuke of but it doesn't. The blonde then throws his entire weight the other way, unexpectedly hitting the other on his eye. He falls back in shock and surprise, clutching his head and moaning pitifully.

The blond softly inspects his own face with his hands, touching the bruise and wiping away the blood from under his nose. He's small but has broad shoulders, and he fights like a beast.

Sasuke has finally pushed his way through the crowd of yelling vultures and his breath hitches. Naruto lifts his head and shows him fierce blue eyes that immediately soften up when they meet their black counterparts. He's bleeding from his lips, he whispers:

'Sasuke.'

It could have been a question, it could have sounded determent. But all Sasuke knows is that in this noise he heard those words, his name, and it gave him shivers. Though all this goes by in just a second, when out of nowhere Naruto's bloodstained collar is grabbed by one of the guards, who utters an angry 'Break it up' and he's violently kicked to the ground. He lands on his elbows, stone scraping the skin away, and then is hauled back to his feet and pushed on in the direction of Sarutobi's office.

Sasuke stays rooted. But he's seen the expression on Naruto's face as he was taken away by the guard. He's seen him smile.

-

The hours pass quickly after that. He can't concentrate, and he doesn't talk. Haku shoots him one or more questioning looks. It will not take long before he's figured out what's going on inside his head. Haku will discover it, he good at reading people's minds.

So before he realizes it, it's evening and they're ushered into the communal bathrooms to wash up. After brushing his teeth and, for some reason, lingering as long as he can Sasuke retreats to bed. But as he has foreseen although he's tired, he can't sleep. The room seems so cold suddenly, and so quiet. It's all dark except for a vertical line of light from peeking out from the hallway. He covers his eyes with his hands and tries to shut everything out, tries to become like a plant.

But then the silence is ripped apart by the creak of the opening door. It's not really such a loud noise but Sasuke startles none the less. There is a short, hushed conversation by the door. It only lasts a few seconds. Then it closes, and bare feet tiptoe towards the bathroom.

Not really in control of what he's doing, Sasuke crawls out of bed, shivering in his t-shirt. His breath is actually visible in the cold. They don't really have proper heaters here. As he sneaks towards were the intruder left, he hears the sound of water hitting the ground. The door to the bathroom is closed, but he can open it because the creak won't be heard above the sound of the shower.

Slowly the bathroom starts to fill up with water vapour, and the temperature rises a little. Sasuke slides down the wall, sitting on the tile floor, hugging his knees. He holds his head in his hands, and once or twice throws a look to the single occupied shower-cubicle.

Then the water stops. There is the rustling of clothes and towels, and this only makes him more unsure of himself. He has to cross his arms to keep his hands from shaking.

The cubicle door opens, and as was so obvious, Naruto steps out, towel and soap in his hands. He's preoccupied with the load in his arms so that he doesn't see Sasuke sitting against the wall. He's bruised and looks tired, but content. As he drops the load in one the sinks and looks around he finally sees him. And he takes one frightened step back. He quickly recomposes and says in a little breathless voice:

'You scared me.'

It's so weird that they can talk like this. After everything that happened, considering the place they're in, considering the things they've done together. Sasuke guesses that it's just kind of the reason that they're what they are to each other. So simple, so real.

'I had to run laps until I cooled down, that's what Sarutobi said.' He says, smiling a little.

Sasuke has to smile to, just because…he doesn't really know why. Perhaps it's because it's been so long, perhaps because they made him run laps too when he just arrived here, when he was impolite or when he got into fights. Or maybe he smiles because of the coincidence. Coincidence?

'Why are you here? How?'

'How? I robbed a car. Stupid he?'

Sasuke has to think on that. Naruto robbed a car? Yes that's stupid, he can't even drive. He's not a criminal, well, at least he wouldn't steal something as expensive as that. He has a record, he knows that he has to be careful.

'You fucking idiot, of course it's stupid.' Sasuke replies in a totally controlled voice, soft and blunt, and hen he says:

'Why?'

Naruto moves over to where Sasuke is sitting and slides down the wall next to him. The collar of his T-shirt is damp from the water dripping out of his hair. He smells like soap and the warm summer evenings he used to have back in the big house, when his parents were still alive.

Naruto looks up at him through the corners of his eyes. He leans forward and steels a kiss. Sasuke looks back at him surprised but he avoids eye contact. There is a faint smile around the blonds lips. The smile grows into a content grin.

'I won't tell you why, I'm too embarrassed.'

Sasuke leaves it at that because his lips are burning, and he's finding it hard to keep himself composed.

They sit like that until Naruto almost falls asleep with his head on Sasuke shoulder. That's when he gently wakes him up. On their way back to their separate beds Naruto whispers in his ear, in a barely audible voice:

'I missed you too god damn much.'

Those words resound over and over again in his head. So that night it takes him so long to fall asleep that he eventually doesn't. He lays there, listening to the breathing and dreaming of the others. All of them are dozing except for one. One pair of eyes had stayed open, and now they are fixed on him, suffocating blue in the darkness. Sasuke knows he's beings watched, although he doesn't turn to see.

He hears the rustling sound of a duvet cover being pushed aside, en then the creaking of the bed. The tiles don't creak, but there's the sound of bare feet on the stone, pattering towards him.

Finally there's the expected weight on his mattress. Naruto climbing over him in stead of next to him. He lies down on Sasuke's stomach, the cover in between them.

'I can't sleep.' Naruto whispers.

'Me neither.' He replies in a shaky voice, feeling especially mellow tonight.

Sasuke feels his breath come slower, he sinks pleasantly away under the comforting weight. It's so different from what he's used to.

'Why did you come back? For real now.' He asks in a soft voice, not bothering to whisper, no one will wake. Maybe he doesn't believe what Naruto said before, maybe he wants to hear the words again.

Naruto holds his tongue, it almost seems like he wants to speak, but then he crawls up further and rests his head in the juncture between Sasuke's neck and shoulder.

'What did they say about me, when I left?' Sasuke asks.

It's surprising for him to realize that, for one: he actually wants to know, and second: that he's doings the talking.

Naruto sighs and breathes his warm scent into his ear and on his cheek, making him shiver, pleasantly so.

'They said you went mental and shot your brother in the chest.'

Sasuke doesn't know how to answer that, if he must. Like everything about Naruto, what he says is blunt and essential. Simple and he likes it that way. He opens his mouth and wants to say something like: I'm sorry, or: I can't explain, or: don't leave me, but Naruto beats him to it and says those two words that will stay with him forever.

'You're brave.' And then again, he repeats it.

'You're so brave…Sasuke' burying his nose deeper into Sasuke's flesh.

The latter is stunned, and slowly inside him a fire ignites. It glows it's way to his fingertips which are now aching for something. His chest feels heavy and light at the same time. His throat feels strangely blocked. Haku's words suddenly make more sense now. Precious people.

He lifts his arms and slowly but resolutely wraps them around Naruto. He lifts his knees and surrounds him in the covers which still separate their skin, although it's all the more intimate now. He strokes soft blond hair with his nose, grabs tanned shoulders, runs 10 fingers over the skin of Naruto's back. He sobs once, quietly, and doesn't let go for a long time.

Naruto holds on with equal desperation and need. His hands grope for a solid body through the covers, and finally settle at either side of Sasuke's face.

He thinks that after all this time, Haku is right, always had been, he's a fucking genius. Life is not life if there's no one to fulfil you like Naruto does to him.

-

**xxx review!**


	4. The Haku Interlude

**disclaimer, I don't own Naruto, of course.**

**The Haku Interlude**

_Chapter 4_

_--_

When Haku was five he liked to play with dolls. When he was seven he fell in love with his male elementary school teacher. When he was thirteen he realized that there was something wrong with him.

The thirteenth year of his life must have been the most important one, the most turbulent one for sure. He lived with his mother and father in a small apartment in the Wave City. His mother worked as a nurse in a nearby hospital and his father was a construction worker. They shared their living space, his mother and father rarely argued and Haku was happy.

He felt odd at times, and got bullied more than often but he was the sort of person to forgive and forget. When people said nasty things to him and made him feel unworthy, he smiled to himself, breathed in and out, and walked on, hoping for better times to come.

Beside his honest optimism Haku's character was defined by another important personality treat. His unbreakable faith in love.

Now Haku had never really loved another person before, besides perhaps his teacher but that wasn't love like he thought of it. His dreams of love came from his mother who told him stories every night of how with just the power of love kingdoms collapsed and wars were won. She told him that by fighting for love you'd always be victorious. Haku, naïve as he was, and maybe still is, thought his mother based her stories on her love for her husband.

How unbelievably wrong he was.

--

It was late winter when Haku came home one day and heard his parents shouting at each other in the bedroom, or maybe it was just his father shouting at his mother in the bedroom. He stopped in the living room and threw his schoolbag on the kitchen table. He did not like his parents arguing but like all children he heard it more often that he liked.

Though he suddenly felt a feeling of worry clasp around his chest with cold convincing hands. His mother was sobbing there in the other room, her cries sounded almost desperate. His father would not hurt her so, right?

That exact moment the door to the bedroom was violently kicked open by his father. His face was ugly and contorted with rage and pain. When he looked at his son, his usually calm blue eyes spit fire and hatred.

'You!'

He screamed at him and grabbed him roughly by the neck. He had never done that before, he'd always treated his son like a fragile bird, maybe because he looked so much like his mother. But now, his finger pinched his skin and it hurt.

Haku gave a scared cry, his eyes sought his mother's. She was yanking pitifully at her husbands hands trying to get them of her son.

'It's not his fault. You let him go!'

Haku's father slapped her away and she fell backward and hit her head against the table. There was a gash in the back of her head and blood dripped out onto the carpet. Haku saw it and started to resist in his father's arms, he struggled to get out.

'You little bastard, you and that slut, your mother, thought you had me fooled right? I'll teach that bitch a lesson.'

'Let me go, mom's hurt.' Haku shouted back at him trying not to let the words sink in. What had his mother done?

'Fuck that whore!'

He pushed Haku on the floor and kicked him in the ribs. Despite the pain Haku crawled to his mother's side, lifting her head and stared at the blood on his hands. Just how hard had she hit her head?

His father shuffled in the kitchen drawers and he heard a glass break. When he came back there was shiny piece of metal clutched in his fist. 'Knife' Haku's head screamed.

With a power and speed he wasn't familiar with Haku crawled back against the wall, away from his father, who had now become like a strange man to him. He heard his lips utter words he should never have the need to say to him. 'Please spare me, I want to live, Sorry…'

He was crying now and shaking uncontrollably.

'You know, in some way it's a little bit of a comfort to know that such a freak like you didn't come from me. Look at you. You're a fucking shame.'

Haku closed his eyes and groped around on the floor until his fingers curled around something sharp and cold. It was one of the glass pieces of the vase that had created the breaking noise in the kitchen earlier. It cut his hands but wasn't about to let go of it. At this point that little piece of glass was life.

His father finally took the dive and prepared to stab him with the knife, but for some reason he missed and lost his balance. With the knife down he fell, and his weight was used against him when gravity pushed him down onto the shard of glass in Haku's hand.

Haku had lifted his hands to defend himself but with the razor-sharp edge up. The moment warm blood trickled down his knuckles and spotted his vision he sliced further with the glass, eventually pushing the big dying body of him.

He immediately threw away the shard of glass, and touched his face with blood-soaked hands. The world was red, white and black, he couldn't breathe but he had to get out.

He'd just killed his father, although it was self defense and appearantly it hadn't been his real father in the first place, he'd killed him, and right now the only thing he wanted to do was run. His entire body was shaking with adrenaline, he needed to go.

So instead of leaving home at an age like eighteen, with his parents waving him goodbye and inviting him for dinner if he ran out of money, he left at thirteen, parents dead, covered in blood, with no money and no hope.

Three and a half days later a man and women were found dead in their apartment. The man had died of blood loss, a cut throat, and the women had cracked her skull. Their thirteen-year old son was missing.

--

Cold spring mornings woke him with pale sunlight. He woke underneath bridges and in abandoned apartments and parking lots. Haku wandered the streets of deserted area's in town, or he got lost in the noisy city flows. The first days after, he cried a lot and he ate little.

He was scared to book hotels or talk to people on the street. But with time that paranoia went away. The cops got less motivated, his parents were dead, who would look for him? He was just another orphan in a broken city.

The bridge his father had worked on was finished now. It was shiny and glowed with lights at night.

Haku had found an empty little house in deserted street at the artificial beach. When he closed the door after him and looked east he could see the bridge. He would sit at the waterside for hours and watch the ever-changing city on the other side. The lights, the pretty lights. They were like his mother's eyes.

But it is an undeniable fact that money eventually runs out, and so after a week and a half Haku had no more. It was at this time that he crossed the beautiful bridge and look for money on the other side. He had turned fourteen by this time, the loneliest birthday of his life. But he had a number of jobs in café's and such, though most asked for ID and Haku didn't have that. He was no one in that period of his life.

He didn't have a name and he had no purpose. But one day Zabuza came, and gave him both.

--

Haku had been walking the streets most part of the night. His feet hurt but he had earned some money filling in for a waitress in a bar he frequently visited. Streets were narrow and dark, there were neon light but they gave little real light. Everything was distorted.

As always Haku took a shortcut through an empty warehouse. The lock was broken on the door and enabled him to walk through, winning some time, getting back earlier.

This night he wasn't alone. He opened the door and walked to the stairs like always but he froze on spot when he heard some stumbling to his right. There was a man there. He looked just as surprised as Haku to see someone here. The man wasn't very big, but he had huge shoulders and looked like he could handle himself.

'Do you know the way out?' He said, slurring a little, giving Haku the idea that perhaps he was drunk. He lifted his hand and pointed to the broken door. The man looked and nodded but didn't move. Haku prepared to turn around and walk on but the other man said:

'What's your name?'

Haku shot him a quick look and realized what was about to happen, he turned and told his legs to start moving.

'Hey, stop. Turn around.'

The man had followed him and grabbed his shoulder, turning him roughly and pushing him back with force. He really was drunk Haku noticed when the smell filled his nostrils.

'Whow, you're really pretty. What's your name?' He said.

Haku looked longingly at the door and kept his mouth shut. His entire body was tensed.

'Say, you want to come to my place and we'll have some fun.'

'No.' Haku said in a little voice. First time he found he could speak again.

'Come on, you're so hot, it's a shame to waste a pretty girl like you.' He said, this time leaning in and touching his face his big hands.

Haku quickly whipped his head to the other side and brought up his arms in between them for protection.

'Let me go.'

The man moved his hands to hold Haku's sides. This triggered him and he violently struggled to get away, pushing and hitting where he could. His breath going so fast that he couldn't keep up.

'Hey!? Don't play hard with me! What's wrong that beautiful chicks don't want to fuck no more?' He grunted while grabbing Haku's wrists and pinning them to the wall. With his feet, stuck in heavy boots, he kicked away Haku's legs from under him and caught him when he fell. The smell of alcohol and sweat made him sick as he cried out. By this time he was almost hyperventilating.

The floor was cracked in the middle and wood painfully stuck in his side. Big hands were ripping away his coat and tearing his shirt. He'd placed himself between Haku's spread legs. His face was red and buried by curly brown hair.

But then his big hands had covered his chest, and he withdrew them immediately. Haku heard him mutter 'what the fuck?' and closed his eyes. He lay limp now, arms half raised but motionless.

'Are you a boy?' He asked in a sort of silent shock.

Haku kept his mouth and eyes shut. He didn't respond. He heard and felt the man getting of him. Still he didn't move.

'Fucking hell.'

Then he was violently hauled up by his hair and received a punch in the face and a kick in his ribs.

'Bloody fag.' The man yelled a him before spitting on his face.

Haku dropped to the floor, clutching his head, fearing for more physical abuse, but the man stumbled away, leaving only the smell of liquor and the panicked beating of Haku's heart.

He lay there for maybe 10 minutes. All the time he wanted to jump up and run away, home, to his mother, but she wasn't there anymore and he was afraid that his legs wouldn't carry him if he tried. When the shaking finally reduced to where he could breathe normally again, he sat up. The first thing that his eyes looked on was the open door. The door that hadn't been open before.

He jumped to his feet, swaying. Tears had dried on his face, but there was a fresh load on its way.

'Who is there?' He heard himself say.

There was a rustle of fabric behind him. He whipped himself around and faced a tall man in a faded navy-blue trench coat. The collar was up so only half his face was visible. Draped over his shoulder there was a body bag. It was occupied.

Haku stared up at the man. He took one step backwards, the man took one forward. His face was now completely in the light; He had sharp features and a crooked nose. His black hair was cropped short. His eyes…

Haku said to him:

'You have the same eyes as me.'

And it was true. They shared the same eyes, cold and lonely, hurt and betrayed. Eyes that tell sad stories but that also tell of a strength deep inside.

The man dropped the body bag. It collided with the earth, and send a little dust flying. The man looked at Haku's face and said:

'Do you want to kill him?'

He nodded with his head towards the door out of which the drunkard had walked away.

Haku thought, and slowly, almost unnoticeably nodded his head. His hands did not shake anymore. The tall man sighed and looked down at him. Then he seemed to make up his mind and walked through the door with long calm strides.

It took them about 5 minutes to relocate the man. He was sitting outside against a wall with a bottle of liquor in his hands. His eyes saw nothing but blurry images.

The tall man who shared Haku's eyes stopped at the corner and opened his coat. He pulled out a handgun and a sound absorber which he attached to the handgun with quick efficient movements. Then he stepped around the corner and towards the man.

He stopped when he was right next to him and held the gun to his left temple. He exchanged one look with Haku who was standing at the other end of the street, before pulling the trigger twice. The shots sounded muffled but clear in the silent city. There was no blood. The man just collapsed against the wall and dropped the bottle. Then it was over.

Haku was joined by the tall man who now had taken apart and put away his gun. He took him by the neck and pushed him on, heading for the warehouse again.

'What's your name?' He asked.

'Haku.'

'Haku, I'm Zabuza.'

--

Zabuza had no house. He drifted around, crashing at friends' houses or getting rooms in shabby hotels. The night he picked up Haku he was living with a friend of his called Cole. Cole'd been out most of the night so when they arrived at his penthouse the lights were off and he lay KO in a king-size bed with a naked girl wrapped around his leg.

Zabuza didn't let Haku see it and ushered him along to the guestroom. For some reason Haku seemed innocent, and although he had just given the green light for him to shoot a man, he didn't want to spoil his purity.

The guestroom was a little less glamorous. One double bed, a mirror, a low cupboard and an armchair. The walls were soft beige and the carpet was white. It was still a very beautiful room. Haku had never seen such wealth before.

He sat down on the bed carefully, as if he didn't want's to creak the sheets. Meanwhile, Zabuza had kicked open the door to the bathroom and was washing his face. He'd thrown his coat over the chair, his gun on the pillow.

When he came out of the bathroom with a towel in his neck, chin dripping with water, he gave Haku a puzzled look.

'Tell me Haku, are you a boy or a girl?'

Haku sighed and folded his hands, he really wanted to give him an answer. He liked him, very much.

'That depends, sometimes I'm a girl, sometimes I'm a boy, but mostly I'm both.'

'At the same time? You must have a crowded little body then.' Zabuza answered in total honesty and Haku frowned.

He opened his mouth to say something but he was interrupted.

'Do you have a home?'

He shook his head.

'Good, neither do I. That means you can sleep on the couch if you want. But first you've got to take a shower, you smell bad.' Zabuza said and threw him the towel he had draped around his neck.

Haku frowned again, but took his advice and turned on the shower. It felt amazing, he'd missed warm water sincerely. The steam filling up the bathroom clouded his mind. Time went by and he felt himself melt under the hot spray. His shoulders sagged and he yawned. Today had been a good day after all.

--

Twenty minutes later he finally got tired enough to turn off the shower and wrap a big white towel around his shoulders. There was a knock on the door and without waiting for an answer Zabuza came in with little bundle of clothes in his arms and an apple in his mouth. He put away the clothes and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, at Haku's exact height. He played with the apple in his hands but his eyes were focused on Haku, who felt himself turn a little red.

Zabuza seemed to look right through him, all at once.

'Yeah, I can use you.' He muttered and reached out to touch the boy's cheek with his fingers.

For some reason Haku wasn't scared but only slightly confused. There was nothing intimidating about him, he thought.

'Sleep in my bed tonight.' Zabuza whispered.

'Okay.' He nodded back, his voice hoarse and unstable.

With slightly shaking limbs he followed him to the bed and crawled in at the left side. Zabuza turned of the light and got in as well. There was rustling of sheets and the heat of another body next to him. Haku lay with his back towards him. He was nervous as hell.

After a few minutes all had gotten silent and their breathing had evened out a little. In the time just before sleeping when everything is drowsy and heavy and soft, Haku felt a hand, maybe just one finger caress his bare back, drawing a line from the small of his back all up where his hair began. There the hand stopped and combed through his long hair sensuously. Haku shivered. But that was all that happened, and the hand retreated.

That night turned out to be the best night sleep he'd had a very long time.

--

In the time after that Haku was never asked to leave. He drifted around with Zabuza, sleeping in trains at night, with his head just inches away from the other's shoulder, and walking deserted streets together.

He never asked about Zabuza's gun, but it was pretty obvious what he did for a living. At first he tried to keep it a secret and never took out the weapon in Haku's presence again like that time when they first met. But after some days and night together he wasn't bothered by the thought anymore, and Haku got used to the gun. It was part of Zabuza's personality.

When they sat together in empty subway stations, Haku would sometimes talk about anything and Zabuza's cynical comments would have him defend his opinions fervently. Only later would Haku shut up and realize that Zabuza was laughing with him, then a small smile would creep on his face and grow until he was laughing as well.

--

Haku followed his broad back through the dark night streets that evening. It wasn't the first time that he accompanied Zabuza on one of his jobs but this one felt different. For one: he kept looking over his shoulder to see if Haku was following and he'd asked him to dress up for the occasion.

Zabuza stopped and waited until Haku had caught up, they walked the last block shoulder to shoulder.

When they eventually stopped the streets had gotten a little lighter and a little more crowded. Women wore flashy nightdresses that showed a lot of skin and men were dressed in bright colors. The neon signs on the buildings lured in their victims, some of thepartyers had crashed down on the pavement, a bottle of liquor in their hand. It was Wave City like Haku had know it all his life. Gloriously rotten.

One club looked bigger than the others. The bouncer at the door was twice as big and the lights hurt your eyes. In front of this one there was a group of young men waiting. They were laughing with each other. One of them had his arm draped around the shoulders of a young girl, not older than 15. These men were Zabuza's job.

He held Haku back in a dark corner of the street. His voice had become that monotonous and clear sound he used when he talked about things that were important for work.

'See him, Haku? The one in yellow and white, brown curly hair? '

Haku nodded.

'Chat him up.'

'What?'

'I need you to get him away from the group, he's the only target. Get him somewhere I can be discreet.' He said, no sign of annoyance in his voice whatsoever.

Tonight he was the teacher and Haku the student. The latter stood still for a while before hesitantly turning to the crowd and stepping forward. He threw one doubting look over his shoulder but never stopped.

From a distance Zabuza saw him, such a natural. He saw him casually touch the young man's shoulder and lean in subtly to ask him something in the noise. His hand stayed were it was as he pulled back and smiled his most innocent and desirable smile.

They talked for a while, and Haku's hand went up to put a few lone strands of hair behind his ear. Eventually the young man nodded and began to search for something in his pocket. Haku grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the line heading for the more empty part of these streets.

Zabuza followed them into an alley silently.

'I hope you don't mind, but I won't be able to make that phone cal in such a noise.' Haku said while starting to dial a nonexistent number on the cell phone.

All the young man could do was watch and smile, and blush. He was enchanted.

Zabuza didn't need a better opportunity. He stepped out of the shadow, gun outstretched and pulled the trigger twice, just like last time. The shots did not echo on but were abruptly cut of by the silencer on the gun.

Haku only startled slightly, but he composed himself quickly and turned around to face Zabuza. A look of expectation on his face.

Zabuza only glanced at him sideways and said:

'You did good.'

It was enough to make him smile.

--

Haku soon discovered that he truly was good at doing these jobs. He'd been picked out perfectly, someone to use and abuse and who never minded. He was alright with the fact of simply being a tool. He would be Zabuza's whore, spy or thief, gratefully.

Things never went wrong, until that day, and even then, they went wrong at first but that was okay because of what happened afterwards. It was the day they went to pay back Gato.

The lamps of the dingy back room where green and red, thus bathing the room in light of the same colors. The room was small and luxuriously decorated although every single ornament in the room screamed 'pimp'. It was the sort of room that people with a lot of money but no taste would inhabit.

Throughout the smoke Haku could vaguely distinguish the man that had to be Gato. Small, fat and unhealthy looking. He was sitting in one of the big red armchairs, a cane resting against his knee and a small black hat dangling from his outstretched index finger. He was talking with a lanky young man in a white suit.

Haku smiled at the sight. They were all the same. Hell, even their faces started to look alike now. After so many of these jobs everything blurred together and became one big thing. If was like dreaming the same dream over and over again.

Breathing once, composing himself he prepared to become the person who would feel at home at these kind of meetings. Shoulders back, chin up, ooze wealth. Zabuza at his side.

He glanced up once and caught his eyes, there was a faint smile around those lips just for him, but then he felt a hand in his neck, pushing him gently forward. Show's on.

'Gato, it's good to see you again'

'Zabuza, it's been a while since we've last seen you around.' He said, making it sound a little condescending.

'I'm going to be frank. You still owe me money on that last job.' Zabuza said softly, trying to keep as low a profile as possible.

'That last job was a mess, I don't owe you a thing.'

'It was perfectly executed, and you never paid.'

Gato was about to reply, and according to the reddish color his head had gotten, it wasn't about to be pretty. Haku quickly interfered, his voice ripping through the tense atmosphere with accuracy.

'I don't think now, is such a right time to discuss business, don't you Zabuza? It's so boring.'

Gato finally noticed him. His eyes rested on his face for a long time before he averted his head confusedly and asked Zabuza:

'Introduce me to your charming friend.'

'Haku' Zabuza said, short, to the point and a little hostile.

Haku just smiled and asked for a drink.

It wasn't hard keeping Gato amused. Big men like that always wanted to talk about themselves, so all he had to do was inform after his latest 'accomplishment' and nod and comment at the right times.

All this time Zabuza's words echoed through his head. 'Don't go that far with him, not this one.' He had been given straight orders. Steal the money, (which was in the wallet, Gato liked to keep a small fortune in his pocket just because it made him feel good. He was obsessed like that.) and get out.

It did not take long before Gato, already drunk, asked him to continue the conversation (monologue) somewhere more privet. Relieved that it was finally getting somewhere, Haku agreed.

The place they went was the room behind the bar where the waiters could relax and where some of the crates of drinks where kept because it was cool and dark. Really fancy, Haku thought by himself.

'It's a little dark in here don't you think?' He was saying before a pair of groping hands startled him against the wall.

Very direct indeed. But used to this already, and focused on the job, Haku was soon subtly feeling for a wallet, moving his hands along the belt and below. The greasy fat man had his nose in his neck and against his cheek, one hand on his face and the other near his waist. It was damn right repulsive. But in the darkness of the little room they were easily ignored. All that mattered now was succeeding and being of purpose to Zabuza, who had such high hopes for him.

Haku smiled. And that's when the door flew open. A tall silhouette appeared in the dim light and he moved forward in a flash. Grabbing the busy man in his collar, turning him around, and punching him in the face. He sagged to the ground in a formless heap, and closed the eyes that had looked so surprised a second before.

Zabuza was shaking although Haku didn't know why. He dared to lift out a hand to him after a few seconds, but Zabuza grabbed his wrist instead, dragging him along, out the door. Haku struggled once and managed to snatch away Gato's wallet in the hurry.

The people they passed on their way out were blurred, and their surprised expressions made no impression on his mind. All he could think of was the tight grip that Zabuza had on him. He had the feeling that he'd done something bad. Something wrong.

In the deserted subway station a few minutes later Zabuza let him go and sat down on one of the benches, head in his hands, without saying a word. Haku settled for the uncomfortable silence. He hugged his arm and stood a small distance away looking a little forlorn.

'What's wrong?' He eventually said, little voice, honest eyes.

Zabuza sighed and answered without looking up.

'I _told _you not to go that far, I told you.'

'It was just a job, I almost had his wallet.'

'That's not what this is about!' His voice echoed over the empty station.

'Then what is it about?' Haku asked.

'Zabuza?' He said his name, and came a step closer, tying to get him to look him in the eye.

He put his small hands on the others shoulders and pulled him up by the collar.

'Hey, come on.'

Zabuza did not resist and let himself be pulled up. He stood close, leaning against Haku, who had let go of his collar and was now a little confused at what to do.

Just when he was about to put one step back, hands seized his head, covering his jaws perfectly, like they were the mold out of which he was made. Everything seemed so much quieter now, and slower too. Ever so carefully, as if scared to break him, Zabuza lips searches his own. Touching them softly. Not even kissing, just touching. It left Haku breathless.

Then Zabuza stepped back immediately and turned around. His shoulders were tensed as if his was arguing with himself. He lifted his hands to his hair and then dropped them, and repeated it multiple times. He paced up and down once and then retook his place in front of Haku again. Determent.

This time they really kissed.

--

Following him back through the disintegrated, empty suburban streets felt unreal. They walked close. The sky was clear, the sun was not out yet but steadily rising. Everything was cast in a cold blue light. It was cool but there was absolutely no wind. Haku felt his heart beating, and in his mind he imagined that he heard Zabuza's too. Steady, and calm and comforting. A supply of strength he could take from when he felt uncertain.

They stopped at the house they'd been sleeping in for the past week. A friend of Zabuza's told him he could use while he was away.

It was expensive and large with wide clear rooms and big windows. The floors were all made of hardwood. The wall were painted in cool modern colors, brown, light blue, pale yellow. Inside, Zabuza immediately retreated to the master bedroom, where he slept. Haku usually took the guestroom, or, if they lacked a guestroom: the couch.

Not a word was spoken.

Haku lay awake for long time. He tossed and struggled to keep his eyes closed but they kept flickering to the door. When would he come? In the morning, to wake him? Not at all? Or would he be just as restless as himself?

He sat up, and whispered to himself:

'If you won't come to me, ..'

Without flicking on the light he glided out of bed and drifted towards the hallway, like a mist, leaving nothing but the patter of feet on the floor.

Zabuza's door opened without giving a noise. He lay in bed on his side, back to the door, sheets up to his middle. Haku always imagined him to sleep on his stomach. He smiled.

Then Zabuza moved in his sleep and rolled over into his back. One hand above his head, the other near his cheek.

Haku walked over and put his hands on the sheets. They rustled, and soft breeze caressed his ear. The window was open. Cool blue light outside.

He crawled up and lay down on the side of the bed. There wasn't a lot of space. Haku reached out with his hands and tugged at Zabuza's short hair softly.

'Hey.'

Zabuza froze, his hands clenched for about a second before he firmly place them around Haku's wrists, squeezing. He was scared.

'It's me.' Haku breathed, knowing that he would never be hurt. He believed that, with all his heart.

Zabuza slackened, but he did not release his grip an his wrists.

'What are you doing here.'

Haku looked at him, big, brown eyes full of a sentiment that couldn't have gone unnoticed.

'You know why.'

Zabuza looked at him. He was not stupid, he knew why. He was arguing with himself and doubting his own judgment. How far could he go with him? He looked at the wrists he held. Hands were not clenched, not shaking. Haku trusted him with his entire being. For a moment he was touched.

'I… you have to know…' He tried to speak his mind.

He was not verbally gifted, and he feared that his eyes were not as expressive as Haku's. How was he to let him know that every time he smiled it was only for him, and that whenever Haku did jobs for him, it killed him inside. He felt jealous and sick with himself. But Haku was grateful and sweet, so much better than he deserved. Far to good for the world he was forced to live in.

Zabuza moved his hand from a wrist upward toward a shoulder blade. He covered Haku's back with his hand and pulled him over him, on top. Haku relaxed, he rested his arms folded on the other's chest. He was perfect.

Zabuza kissed his cheek. It made Haku laugh, he was like a knight, he thought, all gallant and noble. Anxious to get on with it he moved his face and kissed his lips. Just like on the station but horizontal now. It already felt familiar.

--

The next morning he woke up naked, it was pleasant reminder of what he'd just done that last night. One glance at the clock betrayed that morning had actually already passed. It was two in the afternoon. The sun shone brightly, but its light was softened by the crème colored curtains. Next to him Zabuza started to stir. He opened his eyes eventually and immediately searched Haku's, who mouthed good morning.

Zabuza smiled, the print of the pillow was drawn on his face. Haku laughed and pointed it out to him. 'You look terrible in the morning.'. He said. At this Zabuza frowned and wrestled him on his back, until he was giggling with excitement and fatigue.

Then Haku smiled at him with his eyes, and they did it again. Consequently they got out of bed at about 2.50 and started a late lunch.

--

The following days were hard to determine as real or true. It was all vague, as if in a dream, senses amplified and reason forgotten.

Haku thought about his lost virginity for a long time and finally decided that it couldn't have gone better. It did not hurt like he thought it would, it had been amazing. He felt different these days, more matured perhaps, but also wanted. Not needed like before, but really wanted. He had just turned sixteen.

He had known Zabuza for over a year now. Memories of his parents rarely came to him anymore. They used to be there at night, but now there was always someone next to him. He was kept busy most of the time, he could sleep peacefully.

When the owner of the house eventually returned, Zabuza and Haku were forced to pack their bag (they only had one) and leave their little place of love and solitude. Of course not before getting embarrassingly caught making out in the kitchen. Being chased out had felt good to Haku, he'd been in a giddy mood the entire day after.

The drifting continued, the jobs got more difficult and more frequent. There were times that Zabuza had two appointments on one night. All this Haku could live with. He was not just a tool anymore, but more of a companion. He was so happy. It could only have gone on for so long…

--

'How does it look?'

'It looks fine.' Zabuza answered.

'Just fine?' Haku whined.

'It looks beautiful.'

'That's better.' Haku smiled.

His eyes traveled down his shoulder blade through one of the large mirrors on the wall. There was the small outline of a butterfly tattooed on his fair skin. It looked fragile in the bright tubular lights. The room was tastelessly decorated, with bright colored graffiti on the walls and ferns and exotic types of cactuses lining the metal shelves and window-sill. It smelled like antibiotics, which was for once felt normal and comforting. They were in a tattoo parlor after all.

There was the sound of rummaging in the back, something fell on the floor and scared the black and white cat that was playing with a crumpled paper flower on the floor.

'You should think about what color you want it.' Pain called from the back. His orange hair peeking out from behind his glasses.

Zabuza nodded. And Haku looked at him.

'I don't know what color to pick.'

'Do you want to know what I think?'

Haku nodded

'White.'

'White?'

'Yes.'

Haku smiled and started to tie up his long brown hair.

'Why white?'

'That's what you're name means.' Zabuza answered in a steady tone. Unmoving like the earth itself.

'Haku means pure and white.'

This made him laugh.

'How could you know that Zabuza? There's more to you than meets the eye perhaps.'

Zabuza smiled but remained silent. He reached out with his hand and combed big fingers through Haku's hair. He closed his eyes.

'Made up your mind yet?'

They pulled apart immediately although Pain stood there with a bored expression on his exuberantly decorated face.

Haku gave him the color. Soon after that Pain took his usual spot next to the dentist-like chair, the pen in his hands. It hurt like little needles, a shallow pain, one you felt like scratching. It was uncomfortable at first, but you got used to it.

Zabuza and Pain talked about work (they were acquaintances) and other people they knew while the gentle hum of the needle filled the room. Haku was glad just to listen.

In the end the butterfly morphed into color. White wings with purple and lime-green spots on them. It looked so real, as if it could come alive and fly away any minute. Pain was a very skilled artist. He knew how to capture something evanescent, and how to immortalize it.

The phone rung. Its shrill sounds ripped apart the moment and Pain stumbled off to take it. They herd him answer and gasp at what was said at the other side.

'What the fuck? How can you do that, you know I've got shit here! Fuck, what am I gonna do?!'

He slammed the phone down and kicked against the table.

'FUCK!'

Then he started to pace around, fidgeting and grabbing things, either throwing them around or packing them in a bag he found. He didn't look at Zabuza and Haku who followed his movements with curiosity. He said with a quick, unsure voice:

'I've just been informed that the cops are coming.'

'Why?!' Zabuza shouted, suddenly panicking.

'I don't know, somebody told them about the drugs or something!'

'You still do that,? FUCK, what am I gonna do?!'

'I DON'T KNOW!' Pain shouted back at him, turning slightly red, too wrapped up in his own misery to notice Zabuza's.

'I'm a bloody wanted felon. I'm a criminal stupid! What were you thinking!'

'So get the hell out then! I don't care!'

Zabuza got up and violently threw a metal container against the wall. He grabbed Haku's arm and dragged him up while he hastily bandaged his shoulder blade.

They grabbed their bag and dashed out the entrance. The sound of police-sirens was already filling the air. It was winter, and it was cold. There was a little drizzle. Typical humid weather for the Wave city. Haku ran like his life depended on it, followed by Zabuza. They hid in an alley, choosing their path randomly. The area was unfamiliar.

Then there was a voice in the air that made their hearts stop. It froze their blood.

'You there, STOP.'

The voice came from a distance but there was no doubt as to whom it was directed to. Zabuza franticly whipped his head around, looking for an exit. For once his eyes showed true fear.

This time it was Haku who kept cool. He stopped in his tracks, leaning against the grey wall. Zabuza looked at him, pleading him to go on but Haku shook his head.

'Go' He said.

Zabuza pretended not to understand. He also stepped outside of the glare of the streetlights. A little drop of rain crept down his cheekbone.

'He only saw only one of us. Go!'

They didn't move. The sounds grew louder. There were lights in the sky, red lights. People were shouting.

'Don't be foolish-'

'Let me be strong.' Haku said, with all the resolution in the world.

'Please, I want to be strong for you.'

Footsteps were gaining on them. There were more men now. But all that fell away for a second.

Zabuza suddenly pressed himself against Haku and kissed his face. He sobbed. A grown man like him, he broke down. Whispering desperate, tender sweetness in his ear.

He was abruptly pushed away by an equally teary Haku.

'Leave.' He said, choking on his words and stepping out of the shadow. The policemen were shouting and calling, they had seen him now. There was the barking of dogs as well.

Zabuza still stood frozen, he was turned around half already but it was tearing him apart.

'We'll find each other.' He whispered.

Haku nodded. They will. He wanted to believe it. He swore on the butterfly.

'We will.'

Then Zabuza turned completely and disappeared. Not a second later flashlight were shoved into his face. He was yelled onto the floor and cuffed.

From back in the dark alleys of the city a black and white cat saw the whole thing. It blinked its eyes and left silently. Shrinking and drowning.

--

**I'm sooooooooooooo sorry for the weird cat ending, i just love cats :p (Her name's gonna be Konan). anyway, I'm really curious what you think about Haku's story. Please review.**

**xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 5_

_--_

Perhaps two weeks after he fist arrived, Sasuke gets the sad news that he is allowed visits from relatives. Once every Friday is the max for now, but that does mean that he'll get to see Itachi, once a week, which is already too often.

Kakashi tells him this in an indifferent voice one cold day after soccer practice. His mouth is flat but there is something in his eyes that is hard to read. Over these past few days Kakashi has turned out to be quite a complicated individual. He jokes with the boys and goes easy on them most of the time, but then there are some times that he turns cold. All warmth and humor and good nature disappear from his face and he is ruthless, efficient and soulless.

This Kakashi makes them run laps until they can't stand straight anymore, this Kakashi keeps them up all night standing against a wall because one of the boys hid food under his bed. This Kakashi is not loved.

Sasuke takes the news a good as can be expected. Naruto throws him puzzled looks, he says that he's acting weird lately. Sasuke did not realize that he was behaving differently. He tries hard to hide it.

--

The day that his brother comes to visit the sun shines. The room they occupy is the same one you would find in an adult prison. There are two sides parted by a glass wall. Chairs on both sides, but no phone to talk in. There are little holes in the glass. There is place for 5 people on each side of the room but only one seat is taken by a black boy and what seems to be his mother. In the corner a busted old radio fills the room with a pleasant melody.

The atmosphere is calming and agreeable. The sunshine slips past the high windows and fills his eyes and warms his face. It all horribly turns cold though when his brother takes the chair in front of him.

He doesn't look that much different. He's dressed in a nice suit in stead of the usual, common shirt and trousers. He's cut his hair, it falls just a little below his shoulders now. Overall he actually looks healthier. It's not fair.

'Do you know what happened after you shot me?' He starts to talk.

Sasuke barely shakes his head. The glass between them looks sturdy and this might be the only reason why he can breathe with ease.

'I died for ninety-five seconds.' Itachi says gloriously. Proud of himself.

'You could not kill me, you tried but failed. Admit that I own you.' He says, leaning forward, approaching the glass and locking their eyes.

Summoning up his pride Sasuke looks up too and meets the challenge. He opens his mouth and says:

'Why do you still come? It was supposed to end.'

A little taken back because of the sudden change of personality, Itachi frowns. The light makes him look pale but his face is painted with soft shadows.

'It'll never end. You can't end blood ties. They are eternal.' He replies with the same confidence that Haku possesses when he talks about protecting his precious people.

Sasuke sighs. He's grown a lot these past few months and it shows, he thinks. Because he now realizes what his brother's trying to do. He talks beautifully. He used to always enchant him with words when he was just a little child, and when they got older, after his parents died, Itachi used words to abuse him. He plays the part of a god, something divine, like an angel when really he was, is just a man. He looks up and out the window. A cloud drifts by slowly.

'Don't act like that, like you know what you're talking about. Like you are justified.'

Itachi is taken off balance. You can see that he doubts his own hearing.

'You're not special. You want to be, but you're not.' Sasuke whispers in a soft sincere voice.

'You're just the next fucked-up person, broken by those little white pills of yours. You're no one.'

He's learned a lot from Naruto. The boy's rubbed off on him, and perhaps Haku too. Itachi's face has fallen. He looks grim, and his jaw appears tight, like he's clenched it. He still manages to speak out some words although they don't sound entirely solid.

'I'm still the only one to fuck you.' He whispers. It sounds pampered, hurt like a young child's retort.

'No you're not.' Sasuke says too fast.

He shouldn't have said it. It was impulsive, in the wrong way. For a moment Itachi's face has lost all traces of cool and control, he is awestruck.

'Who are fucking then little brother?'

Sasuke holds his tongue. He immediately averts his eyes, as if he's scared that they won't lie for him. Itachi laughs his little mad-man laugh. Wild and unpredictable.

'Tell me? Who are you with? I'm curious as to who would have you?'

A moment of silence passes by uninterrupted.

'Don't tell me then. I don't need to know. I've gotten permission from your shrink to visit you in privet next time. Isn't that nice? We could have a room to ourselves.'

Sasuke's breath hitches. Suddenly the glass in front of him does not hold that same security that it held before. It's just a wall, one that can be broken. The date is set. All of a sudden this horrible place he's in, that eventually turned out okay has gone up in flames. Bye-bye paradise, shelter, refuge.

Itachi sees right through him and laughs.

'See you next week little brother.'

--

Naruto starts forward with an intense feeling of worry wrapped around his chest. It's a fear that wild animals must feel in the face of their predators, or maybe more the fear of a mother whose offspring is threatened. It makes him forget all the material trouble and all the surrounding circumstances. He just has to get there fast, fast enough to...

He turns the hallway at a frightening speed, sliding one arm across the corner to cut it off when out of nowhere, a pair of white hands yank him back by the collar and forcefully wrestle him against the wall.

Naruto thrashes, actually growling but stopping when there's a husky sound in his ear.

'Hush fox, I ain't gonna hurt you.'

The voice is Gaara's. He struggles to keep control. Naruto can see that he's gotten taller, perhaps he's even a little taller than Sasuke now.

He pushes the other off him and fixes the ruffles in his shirt. His blue eyes still shoot towards where Sasuke left but he's gotten his breath back now.

'What do you want.'

'Stay here a second. Have a smoke with me, come on.'

'I don't smoke, I told you a million times already.'

'That's fine, I wasn't about to offer you a cig.'

Naruto drops his jaw a little, surprised but then his lips gradually reshape into that curvy smile. He can't help being amused and combs his fingers through his hair, exasperated.

Outside the sun is still out, weekly perhaps, but it's shining. The light hits Gaara's face and lightens his hair. It glows fiery red, but growing black at the roots.

'You need to dye it again.' Naruto says, pointing his finger.

Gaara shrugs once. He lights a cigarette. Naruto wrinkles his nose smelling the heavy smoke and Gaara sees it. He laughs and blows a cloud of smoke right into his face.

'Cut it out.' Naruto says, leaning away and frowning. He forgot how much Gaara liked to tease him.

His back is pressed against the concrete wall and he winces his eyes in the sunlight. His hands are in his pockets, but he makes a uncomfortable impression. He looks sideways, secretly hoping to steal a glance at his former... former what? There are dark circles around Gaara's eyes, black and blue. He's pale and thin. His shoulders are hunched, he looks tired.

'You look bad Gaara. You're having trouble sleeping again.'

Gaara smiles coldly and answers a little too fast.

'I always have trouble sleeping, stupid.'

Naruto shrugs and keeps his mouth shut. He won't say that in those few years ago he never noticed that he did. And all those times that they… whatever. He just remembers that whenever they'd share a room, Gaara always slept, soundly. He was sure of it because secretly he had waited until the other was asleep before finally allowing himself to doze of as well.

'It's your fault.'

Naruto looks at him.

'Me not sleeping I mean. It's your fault.'

Gaara throws his cigarette on the ground, it's not even small yet, but he feels like leaving. Behind him Naruto yells 'why?'.

'Because you left.. And I don't blame you but I will not be pitied. Don't talk to me again.' He answers, loud and clear, without ever turning around.

Naruto wants to follow him but he orders his legs to stay. It's a different time now, and although it hurts and pulls at his heart, it's not real anymore.

It's a memory, that's all.

--

He sits against the wall biting his nails, wasting his free time. But then the door is opened by a guard and a fragile looking Sasuke steps out.

Naruto immediately rises to his feet. His eyes try to catch their black counterparts but there seems to be somewhat of a wall between them. Sasuke appears to be mentally absent; His face is empty. He's shaking.

'Sasuke.' Naruto says, as if it's the obvious thing to say.'

The boy looks up. He sighs, opens his mouth to speak, but then changes his mind and walks down the hall. Of course he's followed.

Only when it's dark outside and they're supposed to be getting ready for bed does Sasuke tell him what happened. He tells him that he saw Itachi again. He came to visit. And because it was his first visit there had to be a guard present to see what kind of reaction he'd have. So Itachi could not do or say those things that scared him, but they did talk, and the past was certainly there in the room with them. In his brother's eyes, in his words, in the cold hand against the glass.

Naruto can only listen. He is filled with feelings of sorrow and anger, but mostly anger. It tightens his throat and curls up his hands.

That's not what Sasuke needs now though. He needs comfort, and although he usually rejects any feelings of pity he allows for Naruto to grab his arm and whisper something sweet into his ear when no-one's watching.

--

A noticeable change could be seen in Sasuke's behavior the following days. He looked over his shoulder constantly, could not sit down, and slept barely. His face was pale, not the usual fresh, spring-pale, but more dead-person-pale.

Of course Naruto noticed, and it hurt his heart. He asked, but Sasuke lied. He lied to his psychologist as well, to anybody really. He wasn't even completely truthful with Haku.

Haku had shown an interest in Naruto ever since he arrived. They sometimes wandered of on their own, and when they came back, both were in pensive, silent moods. They could talk without having to say anything. Sasuke at moments felt jealous of the two.

One of these moments took place on a cold Sunday afternoon, at the time that the first snowflakes of the year fell.

--

The sky looms above them and threatens them with snow and wind and rain. In stead of shivering and seeking warmer places of the courtyard, inside, Haku and Naruto stand in the middle; laughing, mocking the weather.

Sasuke leans against a wall in another far corner, his eyes are fixed on Naruto's moving mouth. Lips are talking, he smiles now and then. Haku is the same but more delicate and subtle, his facial expressions are like those of a porcelain doll, they are hard to catch but beautifully painted on his face.

Then the first snowflakes starts to hit his nose. Sasuke looks up and catches one in his eye. The sky is turbid. A thousand flakes fill up the grayness and gently turn it white. It is perhaps a week from Christmas.

In the middle of the courtyard Naruto emits a delighted sound. He yells something and sticks out his tongue. Haku laughs at him and says something. He moves out his hand a little bit and touches the orange collar of Naruto's winter jacket. Sasuke clenches his teeth.

He sees them tease each other for a while before they start to scuffle and Haku flees before Naruto manages to choke him with his hat. The chase takes about a second, then Naruto catches him and throws him over his shoulder, carrying him around like a trophy. The trophy moans and complains as he's brought up to Sasuke and dropped in front of his feet.

Naruto smiles at him, the genuine one that is reserved for him alone, although now, to Sasuke, it doesn't feel so real anymore. He scowls and hides his face under his hat and hair.

Naruto bends through his knees and looks up into the darkness that hides his face.

'Helloo! Earth to Sasuke.'

He gets no respond. Haku glances from one to the other, you can see that his mind is trying to figure out what's wrong. He might not understand either Sasuke or Naruto but he knows friction when he sees it. These two spark with it, especially when they're near each other. He smiles and makes an excuse, telling them that he's got to leave because he's got clean up duty;

Naruto waits until Haku has disappeared completely before leaning down against the wall next to Sasuke. It's silent for a long while, except for the sound of the falling snowflakes and the protesting trees that have to carry their weight.

'Are you going to tell me why you're pissed or not?' Naruto asks, finally, tired of the heavy silence.

He's had enough of the gloominess, he wants to enjoy the feint layer of snow that has formed over the stones. He feels like dirtying that unblemished carpet of white. His feet start to wander, they carry him towards a high bench, his hands wipes away the snow on top of it and holds it in his palm.

Walking back with a mischievous grin on his face, he stops in front of Sasuke and throws at him his most innocent smile.

'You need to cool off.'

Sasuke exhales sharply as the sentence is followed by a snow filled hand in his face. The ice cold water runs in his jacket and through his scarf, chilling his throat and making him cry out in surprise.

'What the fuck-'

Of course any reaction from Sasuke would be of a violent nature. He grabs the blond boy, who is laughing heartily, using his knees to support his shaking frame, by his collar and flings him to the ground straddling him and making him eat snow.

When they're finally done wrestling snow down holes in clothes, and flinging the ice cold stuff in each other's faces, they rest on the floor and try to clean up a bit.

Naruto wipes a hand over his face to get rid of the snow in his eyebrows while mumbling:

'You are such a kid sometimes.'

'Excuse me?' Sasuke replies with genuine surprise and offence.

'It's true. You sulk like a five year-old.'

'I do not sulk!'

'Yes you do I saw you!'

Sasuke prepares to get up but he's pulled down by Naruto and lands on his but next to him.

'I knew what you were thinking. You don't have to worry.'

Sasuke keeps his mouth shut, but he listens.

'I'd never do that. Haku neither.'

'How do you know that? He likes you a lot. He would do it.' Sasuke mutters.

'No he wouldn't.' Naruto says with all the self-assurance in the world.

'And why not?' Sasuke answers skeptically.

'Because, it's easy, he's in love.'

This takes him off guard a little, so he can't reply. Only after a while can he say:

'How do you know that?'

'Just you know. You can see it. It's kind of obvious. He glows, and he smiles. He's in love.'

Naruto glows and smiles too, Sasuke realizes. He looks at him through the corner of his eye. The hair ruffled and his face is red over tan. He's breathing little clouds. Sasuke wants to catch those clouds with his lips and swallow them, to see if they taste as sweet as they look.

Whoa! He shakes his head. Get the stupid thoughts out of your brain. Sometimes Naruto baffles him, leaves him speechless. He is a child, that's easy to see, but he can say things that you wouldn't expect him to say. In the essentials of life, and in the things that really matter, Naruto is wise, and Sasuke is jealous.

He wants to start pouting but then remembers the comment about sulking and refrains. A sharp glance to his left shows him that Naruto is looking at him. He leans forward and kisses him softly on the corner of his mouth, and then a second time on his mouth, smiling.

'Don't look so surprised.' Naruto says.

--

That night when he's lying in bed, Sasuke feels so sad he could cry. He actually does, faintly. He just allows one tear to escape his lashes and slide down his cheek. It was supposed to be over. Itachi and everything from before. But Itachi's found a way to outlive him. "Bonds are eternal". He was right, they are. Sasuke tried to break them, using words with Naruto and a bullet with his brother. Both times failed. Both came back. Both love him.

--

Thursday night. Sasuke is just finishing up in the bathroom. He's standing in front of the mirror, absently washing his hands. His eyes try not to look at his face, but are focused in the dark corner of the room where one of the tubular lights is broken. The little corner of darkness irks him. He does not let it out of his sight, fearing that if he would avert his eyes just one second and then look back, it would have grown a little, eventually threatening to fill the room.

Paranoia.

He's told by his shrink multiple times. It was quite obvious and Sasuke isn't not surprised. He could have worked that out on his own, thank you. What to do with it, that's the question.

He turns around and stares intently at the unlit corner. He doesn't know what holds his eyes there.

Suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder. His heart stops beating in his chest and then the second after that it begins jumping around like a wildebeest. He spins around, clenches one fist around the hand and raises fiercely scared eyes upon the owner of the hand.

'Aah, let go it hurts!' Naruto squeaks, ripping loose his hand and rubbing it with a hurt face.

'Fuck, you didn't have to attack me.' He mutters.

'Don't walk up on me like that.'

Sasuke throws one last glance at the dark corner, then forcibly banishes it from his mind. He quickly finds his bed and pulls up the covers to his chin, counting his breaths. He hears Naruto follow him, still muttering angrily, but instead of hearing the familiar voice stop around 3 meters away, where Naruto sleeps, it stops right beside his own bed, and then there is a heavy presence on his mattress.

Naruto sits down sulking. Sasuke turns on his side, preparing to show his back to him.

Naruto reaches out and turns him back though, and whispers:

'I think it's time you told me what's bothering you.'

He is met with silence.

'I know it's your brother. What'd he tell you? For real.'

Again, there is no reply. But from out on the hallway footsteps come closer. The door opens and a gray eye peeks in.

'Whoever's there, lights off mean bedtime.' Kakashi says.

Naruto ducks his head slightly as if to become less noticeable and continues his monologue in a softer, yet more urgent, whisper.

'Dammit, I want to help. I want to understand, I want to protect you I honestly do. Why don't you let me?'

He sighs when Sasuke still doesn't answer, although you can see that he is wide awake by the tenseness of his posture under the covers.

Naruto prepares to talk again, but is interrupted by a furious yet controlled voice from near the door.

'That's it Naruto, get of your ass. If you won't go to bed now, than not at all. Take your coat and shoes and follow me.'

Naruto sullenly does as he's asked and follows his guard out of the room and out of the hallway, into the cold night air.

Kakashi pushes him down the metal steps and goes back inside, closing the door behind him. Everything is dark and silent, except for the faint light coming from one of the observation towers and the soft humming of the generator on the roof.

Up in the sky clouds can faintly be outlined in the pale glow of the stars and lamppost from outside the high walls. Naruto sighs, shivers and starts to walk down the rest of the steps, sitting down on the last one.

He is frustrated. He feels so helpless it hurts. With his hands in his hair he closes his eyes, hoping that the clear air will cleanse his mind. When he opens them again, there in the distance, just under the high windowsill of the old registration building there is a little glowing dot.

Attracted to the light, much like a moth or any other sort of insect, he rises to his feet and approaches it with caution.

As he gets closer to the source of light, the surroundings become clearer and shadows are pushed back. Among the appearing shapes and colors there are the contours of a face. The glowing dot is the smoldering end of a cigarette, and Gaara is the one who has it between his lips. His pale skin is warmed by the glow, he actually looks healthier than in daylight.

He looks surprised for a second. Takes the cigarette between his fingers and says:

'Hello there fox. Bit late for you to be still awake?'

Naruto nods affirmatively. He rubs his face with his hand.

'It's punishment. I got kicked out…I-' He stops talking because it is obvious that they don't need to share 'Smalltalk' like that.

Gaara nods. He still throws him a curious glance though.

'So why couldn't you sleep?'

'Ah, no reason.' Naruto answers.

The other obviously doesn't believe him and keeps his mouth shut, as if he's waiting for another answer, one more honest. Naruto feels the faint pressure in the silence and answers again.

'I worry. I feel anxious.'

Gaara slides down the wall and pulls the blond next to him.

'You worry about a boy? The skittish one. Dark hair, dark eyes. Not so friendly looking.'

He gets no answer but that's not really necessary because it wasn't really a question. He's seen his friend from a past life deal with the boy. How they talk and argue and how he smiles.

'It's not just a boy.'

'I think he is.' Gaara says, at which he receives a shocked response:

'He is much more! You wouldn't understand, it's…complicated.'

Gaara's lips form into a mocking little smile.

'He's nothing special. You're in love is all. You can't see clear.'

Naruto grows red. His big mouth leaves him to deal on his own, he can't say a word.

'I…, I'm-'

'You used to think I was god as well.' Gaara says and he smiles.

His face lights up and he takes another long drag from his cigarette.

'Ah, you used to think I was everything. I could have done the worst things to you and still have you kissing my feet.' He says.

Naruto feels a little sick.

'You were never bad to me.' He says to Gaara who finally shuts his mouth at this statement.

No he was never bad to him even though could have been. The truth is, he was just as much a slave in the game as Naruto was. At that time he really needed someone like Naruto. When he thinks back at those memories now he realizes that they are some of the lightest periods in his life. In his fast darkness of memories and times spent there are only a select few good ones, those spent with Naruto are among them.

'You just need to realize that this boy that you're crushing on, is just as human as the rest of us.'

Naruto lets those words sink in, they stir in his mind. Suddenly he smiles.

'You're right.' He says.

When the sun rises he's stiff and cold, but in his mind he feels cleansed. These new lucid thoughts in his head have developed because of Gaara's words. So when Kakashi lets them back in the next morning, Naruto flashes Sasuke a sweet smile. He understands now that they are both very scared and confused at times.

He understands now that with all his flaws, and he's got many, Naruto still loves him. That's right, '**loves him'.**

--

It's Friday and Naruto's excited. Lessons end early today because of Christmas, there is a fancy meal in the evening and ice-cream for desert, besides he's got something to tell Sasuke.

Together with all the other kids from there little green 'bedroom' they walk towards the bigger building where the classrooms are. Naruto lags behind purposely and when Sasuke walks by him he reaches out and pulls him back subtly by his jacket.

'Hey' He says, a little nervous but with a wide smile.

Sasuke's eyes are a little red and there is something wrong with his mouth. His entire face looks upset. Only more encouraged Naruto leans forward.

'Merry Christmas Sasuke.'

'It's not Christmas yet.' Sasuke replies, he already sounds more relaxed.

'That's okay. I've already got a present for you.'

Sasuke raises his eyebrows. How on earth could Naruto have gotten him a present in this place?

'What is it?'

'Do you want to have it now?' Naruto says, his eyes are shining, he's obviously enjoying this.

Sasuke looks at him pointedly.

'Alright, okay, listen up. My present to you, is a favor.'

'A favor?'

'Not just any, I'm talking about a really big favor! Honestly anything you want, I don't care who I've got to kill to get it.' He smiles proudly.

'Really, I'll get to you anywhere you are if you need me. Anytime. Even if I'm eighty I'll still come running!'

Sasuke looks into his eyes. He never gotten a lot of presents before. When he was a child perhaps, but it was different then. This is just. He feels like crying and laughing. He doesn't need all that, he doesn't need pledges and promises, he doesn't need fancy words or to be wooed, he wants what's here in front of him. Naruto. Just always, only him. Though saying this would ruin Naruto's fun in the game. So instead of saying what he thinks he smiles.

As rare as it is, Sasuke's smiles are beautiful, like a flower which has not fully blossomed yet but is brimming with potential. He never smiles big, showing teeth and tongue like Naruto does, his smile is precious.

Naruto appreciates it. His heart is warm, all bad feelings forgotten. He's in love.

--

It's getting late in the afternoon., almost seven. Naruto is walking over the courtyard, the heavy eyes of a guard pressing the back of his neck. He's a little restless, doesn't know why yet.

'Haku, have you seen Sasuke?' He asks.

'It's Friday right? Doesn't he have a visitor usually?'

Naruto nods, smiles and excuses himself. He walks along the red brick of the registration office, and peeks through the windows. The visitors-room is in there. One door opens inside. Out of the door comes some warm light, people exit and the last one turns the light of.

That's strange, Naruto thinks as he approaches the door. One of those people should have been Sasuke. It's almost time for dinner, where is he? The outer door opens, a guard steps out and moves towards the gate while going through his pockets in search of a cigarette. He leaves the door open. Completely unaware of his legs Naruto moves forward until the warmth from inside caresses his face. There is the sound of angry fingers ticking away at a computer keyboard. In the far corner he sees a hallway. There is one door made of glass and then four others before the hallway turns around a corner.

Empty rooms.

Visitor.

Itachi.

Empty rooms.

Things say click in his head.

The images of Sasuke looking over his shoulder, of him tapping his hand on the table nervously, of his anxious face flash through his mind.

There no second of hesitation. Naruto enters the outer door, dead calm but for his wild eyes. The angry ticking stops but he doesn't look over.

He runs over to the glass door, throws it open and sprints down the hallway. He's almost round the corner when he crashes in to a guard in front of him. They both fall down together and Naruto's hand touches the cold gun strapped to the guards belt. He rips it of and jumps up again, faster than he's ever done in his life.

His heart is pounding so fast it hurts. His entire body is electrified. He leaps forward and practically runs over another dazed cop that is supposed to hold him out of the hallway. The corridor feels eternal when he's running through it. The white walls go on forever, but all of it really passes in just a few seconds. His eyes shoot from one door to the other before he finally realizes he's reached the right one. With a power beyond his comprehension he kicks open the door, ramming it with his shoulder at the same time and violently stumbles in. His hands still clenched tight around the cold handle of the gun.

It's like the weapon is guiding his hands, he automatically raises it up and aims the lethal part towards the black figure against the opposite wall.

He doesn't know what he's doing. No, he does know. He feels it, all too clearly. His index finger curling tightly and then the sharp click in the silence before the bang. It all feels unreal.

After that the sound of heavy breathing dominates the room. His own heart is raging like a wild animal inside his head and chest, but there's also a sob from the other end of the room.

The black figure divides itself into two. One smaller, pressed against the wall, and one tall, looming one that is crashing to the floor.

The actual fall must have taken less than a second but it seems like the scene is slowed down. The figure drops to its knees and leans forward a little bit before finally swaying and falling over to the side.

Naruto's eyes rip themselves away from the defeated shape and fix themselves upon the face of his love.

Black strands of hair covering part of his cheeks and forehead like a dark lace veil. Two perfect half-moon shapes of downcast eyes dominating the pale face. One shimmering tear mark adorning the left cheek, like a pale track of diamond. Beneath that a wide mouth, tensed and grim, shaped in a bitter frown. The rest of Sasuke's body slumped, leaning on the wall for support. One hand behind his back, fist clutching something desperately. The other hand keeping up unbuttoned trousers.

Naruto tries to speak but chokes on his words. He can only gasp breathlessly before the heavy impact of a police officer colliding with his back brings him to the floor. He falls hard on his elbows and strains his wrist in an awkward position, but all the time his eyes do not leave Sasuke's face.

There is a commotion in the corridor now. Naruto is roughly held to the ground, but he's still wrestling to get up. The police officer that has him in his grasp twists his arms and cuffs his hands behind his back.

At the same time other officers have arrived and some have made it into the room where they can see what's happened. They don't talk, only the ones in the corridor do. Among these impersonal and hostile faces there is only one familiar. Kakashi's scarred eyes have taken in the scene. He approaches Sasuke holding out his hand, like he's some beast to be tamed.

Sasuke looks up and his face is completely broken. For once there is nothing of the wall there usually is. The hand that was hidden behind his back drops. Only a few of the officers, Kakashi among them, can see the shimmer, and hear the sound of a small knife being dropped to the floor.

Sasuke, looks down at his feet, at the knife, he wasn't helpless.

--

**One word, sound actually: Uggh. That's exactly what I felt when writing this chapter. Being distracted by things like TWILIGHT OMG, seen it twice already, waiting for fourth book to come! Anywo, it was DAMN hard. But now that this is done, I get to go on with the story :) I've got big ideas!**

**xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 6_

_-_

The house is big, unlike any he's seen before, but in this neighborhood it doesn't really jump out. All houses here are big, with large lawns stretched out in front of them with bushes and plants that flower beautifully in the summer and spring. Now there is a feint layer of ice on the grass. It shimmers in the light of the lamppost.

In the city everything was lit up and it was never really dark but here, at night, everything is pitch black. Sasuke noticed it in the car, looking out the window. This absence of annoying flickering light bulbs soothes him in some ways. So when finally, he's pushed up the driveway by a persistent Kakashi he doesn't feel as nervous as he's supposed to be.

'Don't worry, they're a very nice family. They've had kids like you before, I think the last one left about a year ago. His name was Kimimaro, I think that he even still visits sometimes.' He says trying to get him to relax.

Sasuke doesn't need it. He's calm. He's got faith. They will be a normal family, smiling mother and quiet dad, one loving daughter. He's got absolutely nothing to fear.

Kakashi rings the bell. It only takes about a few seconds until there can be heard some movement on the other side of the door. In the meantime Sasuke inspects the Christmas holly pinned to the wood. He can see that there is some red glitter sprayed on there as well, then it opens and he's met with the two pale blue eyes of a small woman.

She's got brown hair that curls a little at the ends. Her face is broad with a plump mouth, she still looks very young although there are some wrinkles that grease the corners of her eyes. She is the sort of woman that ages beautifully. Mrs. Haruno.

'Hello, you must be Sasuke, please, come in.'

Both Kakashi and he are hauled into the hallway by the woman's hospitality. She takes their coats eagerly while calling for her family to come downstairs as well.

'I hope it wasn't to cold outside, we've a fire going in the living room! My name's Suki by the way.' She says as she leads them through a door on their right.

The room is very cozy, a brown leather couch adorns in the far corner, in front of the open fireplace a large man stands with the evening paper still in his hand.

'Welcome, please sit down!' He says, sounding exactly like his wife.

He smiles and his broad face crinkles up in such a way that his eyes stretch out. When he laughs there is flicker of golden teeth in the back of his mouth.

They talk for a long while, to Sasuke and Kakashi, not expecting any responses really. Just when Kakashi scrapes his throat and mentions the papers do they break up their rant. They excuse Sasuke, tell him that he can go inspect his new room if he'd like. Up the stairs, first door on his right.

In the hallway Kakashi briefly says goodbye to the boy. He smiles a little clumsily and shakes his hand. Then he gives him a phone number to call whenever he would need any help. Sasuke takes it all and tries to smile but he fails. He really does appreciate everything that has been done for him though, and he likes to think that Kakashi knows that.

The stairs are made of wood and they creak just a little. It's quite a new house. The walls are beige and custard, decorated with black and white picture frames and other fancy photographs. With a duffel bag full of clothes thrown over his shoulder he climbs up to the second floor. The walls grow warmer in color now but he can't really see in the half dark.

Then there's a sound of a creaking door and Sasuke almost bumps into a pretty girl. She startles at first. Her hair is pale pink and her eyes are a soft green, almost fading to blue, sort of like a pond in the summer.

'O, I'm sorry.' she says, tender, little voice.

Sasuke nods. He has to continue down the hall but now the girl is standing in his way. She realizes it and quickly steps to the side.

'I'm sorry.' she says again, laughing at herself a little.

Sasuke enters his room and drops the bag to the ground. His bed is covered in dark blue sheets with a white woolen spread over it. The carpet is yellowish. There's a sober little desk and a few pictures here and there and one rather large bookcase. It's not a bad room at all.

Sasuke turns around to finds that the girl has followed him in. She walks over and sticks out her hand for him to shake.

'My name is Sakura. I know yours is Sasuke.'

Sasuke takes the hand and mumbles 'hello'. But then he turns and starts to unpack his luggage. Sakura stays for a moment, not really knowing what to do. After a little while, Sasuke's already starting to feel uncomfortable, she turns around and leaves, but not before saying:

'We'll be good friends in no time!'

-

The following days Sasuke has to learn to adjust himself to the Haruno's lifestyle. It's like he suddenly has to tune in to the real world. One where he's always safe, where he can do what he likes, where people ask him for his opinion.

There are some things he is supposed to get used to, eggs in the morning, polite conversation, a girl like Sakura, and of course prayer before dinner. That's right. He didn't see it the first time but there is a dark, wooden cross on the wall in the dining room. It's sober and subtle but draws your attention inevitably.

When Sasuke first replies that he's sorry, he doesn't know any prayers Suki says: 'Oh well, I guess we'll teach you then.' and then she smiles so sweetly that he actually feels bad. At that little moment he wishes that he knew prayers, just to please her. She good at that. Playing the maternal type, making him stutter and not know what to say. He's never had a mom, well he did, but that was a long time ago.

Sasuke also discovers that Sakura watches him a lot. She can't seem to focus her eyes anywhere else. She does it unnoticeably of course, to her parents. They encourage her to take him to the shops for groceries, and show him around.

She does take him to the woods one day. It's large and open and just next to their house. The trees are mainly birches, tall and pale, reaching up to the dreary skies. People go running over the dirt roads in the early mornings, but in the afternoon and certainly in the evening, the forest is deserted.

-

Not many days after that Sakura brings over her friend Ino for dinner. Sasuke's seen them the day before too. In front of the house, in avid conversation. He could practically hear their squeals. So this evening, at dinner, he keeps his reserve.

Ino is tall and gorgeous and she knows it. Platinum blond hair and icy, blue eyes, luscious lips and a flirty smile. It's the sort of smile that's just that teensy bit more daring than, for example, Sakura's, and it would make any other boy's heart go wild. (Possibly not only the heart).

But Sasuke is already hopelessly addicted to another kind of smile. One that's not flirty but sweet, and that can change into any other kind smile: mischievous, exulted, suggestive, provocative. It's a talented one, that has the diversity to show even pain and suffering. Up until this day there has only been one person who owns a smile such as this and he goes by the name Naruto.

Dinner is, as always, magnificent. The food at least, conversation is poor. Sakura is not herself, she's flushed and she drops her fork more than once. Ino can not stop grinning.

When they're done they asks to be excused simultaneously and run up to Sakura's room in a fit of giggles. Sasuke stays behind and does the dishes.

-

His first day of school comes gradually closer. Sasuke feels more anxious than he's ever felt in his life. Perhaps that's because this is the only chance he'll get at having a normal life. He's got to make the impression of a healthy, undisturbed, albeit a bit moody teenage boy. Good luck with that.

It's the end of the Christmas holidays for Sakura as well. She's promised to make sure he fits in. She's already told him about all her friends and how they're going to love him. Suki glows with pride when she hears her daughter tell him this.

The school itself is nothing compared to his old public school in the city. It's about three times smaller, situated in the pleasant part of town, next to a primary school with a jungle gym and everything. The building is watermelon colored.

Sasuke gets off the bus and lifts the brand-new backpack on his shoulder with a slightly awkward face. It was a gift from Suki, she threw his old one out. Suddenly he starts to feel a little panicked, he looks frantically for Sakura, afraid to have lost her in the crowd. Then he feels her touch on his arm. She was sincere about helping him get a good start at school. She's probably done the same with the last foster kids, Kimimaro, was it?

Her sweet voice calms him down a little. She accompanies him to the registration office, sorting out things like his schedule and locker although he can hear her friends call her name. She waves at them but doesn't leave his side.

Since he failed part of the admission tests for this school (Blame Naruto's blue eyes in the afternoon extra classes) he's been held back and forced to repeat the year. That means he's in the same class as Sakura and Ino, who are year younger than he is. Sasuke doesn't really mind. At least he knows some people in his class, at least he gets the chance to go to school again. Anything is better than wasting his time away in Juvie, where the level of education was so poor that it actually felt like he was getting dumber. Of course it was hard to concentrate there. People had already given up on half of the kids.

He was lucky to get out. It didn't take very long, his case was reopened, examined and eventually it was decided that he was a special case, and that it was self defense, shooting his brother, so he did not belong in there. Dealing with foster care is only a small price to pay. He has two years of high school to go, then he can do what he wants, work for himself, get a car and drive away, far away.

Sometimes he dreams of going to the big cities, not the one he came from but perhaps Wave city, hot and humid, the city that never sleeps. He can almost see those lights when he closes his eyes.

But now is not the time to do that. Not in school where everybody is rushing to class and bumping into each other. After the first and second lesson Sasuke is glad to find out that he understand the subjects. Nothing has changed much since last year. During lunch things do not go as smoothly.

Sakura waves him over to sit with her at the table. Ino is on her left hand, whispering things in her ear as he approaches, that almost makes him want to turn around again. But where else will he sit, right? So he clenches his teeth and endures it. He meets Sakura's other friends:

The first he notices is Shikamaru, a boy with a sharp face and piercing eyes. They shake hands a little uncomfortably. Shikamaru seems to be the sort of guy weary of strangers. He moves his fingers almost lazily when he talks and the sarcasm in his voice flows so natural that one would suspect he was born with it.

The second one who shakes his hand is Choji who is chubby but very social. His smiles are big, his teeth are straight and white, they sort of make up for the lacking physique. He is very present, at the table. He jokes and laughs with everyone.

In front off Choji sit's a boy with a fur coat and his elbow in a sandwich: Kiba. Kiba grins like a wolf and instead of shaking his hand like a normal person he insists on slapping it with a lot of show, like they are in the backstreets of New York sealing a deal. Sasuke dislikes him immediately.

Lastly he notices a girl with short black hair. Sakura introduces her as Hinata at once, as if answering questions for her is only normal. The girl smiles weakly in his direction but does not meet his eyes, or anybody else's. They are focused on the table and on her sandwich. She is rather small but is naturally bigger than Sakura and Ino. She is wide around the hips and chest but it's all covered up by the oversized sweater she's wearing. After her introduction everyone goes on talking. It seems like she is easily overlooked.

Days pass by quickly after that but one afternoon, just after lunch Kiba invites him to come over to his house later. Shikamaru and Choji are going to be there too, they are going to check out whether the water in the lake is warm enough to swim in. Sasuke thinks not. He goes anyway, maybe to please Sakura who has been trying so hard to get him to feel welcome the past days.

-

In the morning it had been quite cold, but the sun had come out early and was gradually warming the earth.

As Sasuke leaves the school gates he's already trying to come up with an excuse. He knows he said yes, and he knows that it isn't going to kill him, but he still flinches when people talk to him, he still can't smile. Suddenly he's awoken from his thoughts by Kiba's harsh voice who calls him over.

Too late now, they get on the bus together, Kiba's is just two stops after Sakura's, so she sits next to him in the crowd. Her eyes are on him all the time, cautious and concerned. She's more like a mother than Suki sometimes. When the bus stops and she has to get off she reaches out and squeezes Sasuke's hand. Then she nods goodbye to the others.

For the next two bus stops he stares out the window and feels the tingling in his hand, the one Sakura squeezed. He closes his eyes slowly, the noise drains away and the images blur. The warmth is comforting and the blue skies reminds him.

Choji shakes his shoulder.

'You awake? The is our stop.'

Outside Sasuke realizes that they're just at the other side of the forest. It's a visible a green line behind the houses and roads. Dogging cars and bicycles Kiba crosses the street to where presumably his house is. It only takes them about eight minutes to walk there. He lives close to the forest in a single, two story house. The dirt driveway is littered with junk, mostly chew toys for dogs and rubber and plastic.

'My dad likes to mess around with the car.' He says to Sasuke alone, for an explanation.

There's one dog on the porch, she lies there like she's molten to the ground, large, white and hairy. Three others come running out of the front door as soon as they hear Kiba's feet grind the little stones of the driveway. One of them is white like the one on the porch. The other two are just as big but brown, and of no apparent breed. They jump up and down wagging their tails enthusiastically.

Naruto would have loved this, Sasuke thinks as two wet muzzles dirty his trousers and hands. He likes dogs, he just doesn't appreciate them slobbering all over him. Kiba laughs at Sasuke's pained face and grabs the dogs by their collars to pull them off.

'They won't bite.'

'They will drool.' Sasuke replies, annoyed.

Shikamaru laughs but Kiba and Choji don't get it. Kiba enters the house with just one foot and shouts that he's home. He gets an answer from inside but the sound is muffled.

'My sister's home from college. She's studying to become a vet. You've never met a person more rude than she.' Kiba mutters as he stalks through the high grass covering a path towards the garden behind the house.

Behind his back Choji whispers something to Shikamaru and they laugh. Both seem totally familiar with the house and surroundings, obviously, he's been told that they've knows each other since they were five.

The garden is very large but the grass is in a poor condition. Unlike the Haruno's perfectly manicured lawn this lot looks like it's been mauled by four bears. Patches of dirt and stones and more doggie toys litter the grass. In the back there's a tree with a playhouse in it. Like someone has bought one of those plastic cottages and hung it up in the tree using tape and rope.

The three boys in front of him pass it without paying it any attention. They pass through a hole in a barbed wire fence. Choji holds it open for Sasuke, considerate as he is. On the other side of the fence is a field and another dirt road and a shed, a little garage more likely. Kiba crosses the road and kicks open the door of the garage. He enters and starts rummaging around.

Shikamaru waits outside with his back to the wall and Choji starts collecting bottles and cans that have been dumped at the side of the road. He places them on the fence, even spaces between them. Sasuke watches him uncertainly. He's not quite sure what he's doing, but he's got a bad feeling in his guts.

Finally Kiba exit's the garage, a heavy bundle in his hands. He drops it on the ground and kneels beside it. The others do the same, only Sasuke stays standing, awkwardly. Kiba folds away the cloth and reveals what's inside, three pistols. They look very old. Not at all like that only gun he's ever seen, that one was shiny, bright, inviting and oddly full of hope.

The only one who notices his discomfort is perhaps Shikamaru but he doesn't say a word. Choji and Kiba fight over which gun they pick, of course Kiba wins.

They take place a good distance away from the fence. Choji aims with his one eye closed, mouth pursed up in concentration. He moves around a bit, trying to get the best position. It all looks a little fake to Sasuke. Like he's just playing some childhood game about pirates and cowboys. The gun could have been a toy gun and it wouldn't have made a difference.

Kiba grips his weapon, differently, with both hands and positions himself straight in front of the targets. His eyes go fierce and his mouth pulls down, it's scary how much he changes he in just that one second. He fires four shots, hits two cans. Choji fires five and hits none.

After the silence is restored Kiba regains the old dimple in his cheek as he laughs, exulted, all his tension has drained away, been shot away. He glances over his shoulder, behind him where Sasuke has closed his eyes for the shots.

'That felt good! Now you have to try. Come on.'

He throws his gun to Shikamaru who only catches it because of reflex, then he moves to pick up the third and last gun, the oldest looking one in the bunch, and stops in front of Sasuke.

'It's not gonna bite you.'

He looks down at the pistol, refuses to grab it. Kiba sees his hesitation and throws his arm over his shoulder, as if they've known each other for years. He leads him forward, positioning him in front of the fence. Kiba is tall and broad, he's very hard to ignore.

'Please just shoot it once, you'll love it.'

He pulls out Sasuke's hand, which feels hot and not like his own. He drops the gun into his palm. The gun's heavy, not as heavy as his brother's though but this one feels rough in his hand.

Sasuke places his other hand on it, like he did the first time. He lifts it halfway, doubting. He hears the boy behind him sigh in his ear and flinches, almost violently when Kiba lifts his arms and hands with his own to aim at the bottle on the far right. The presence, the body looming over him, touching his shoulder makes his heart beat more rapidly, and not in the way Naruto makes it.

The wind stops blowing in his ears until there's just his heartbeat and labored breathing. He so hot, boiling, can't think straight. There is a voice in the air. Telling him slowly: shoot.

So without the strain on his mind, without the shield he always throws up whenever his thoughts lead him to something he doesn't want to think about, Sasuke pulls the trigger, shoots the cans.

Shoots Itachi.

Five times. Twice in his head, twice in his heart and once through his nuts, until the face isn't smiling anymore.

Then he wakes up from the daze. Suddenly the sun shines too bright for his eyes and he drops the gun like the metal burns. Kiba's still standing behind him but there's some space between them now. He says:

'Wow, you're quite the marksman, Sasuke.'

Choji whistles through his teeth as he inspects the targets that have all shattered to tiny, sharp little pieces on the grass. Shikamaru observes them from his place in the shade of the wall. His eyes are set on Sasuke. There is something on his mind. He's perceptive enough to notice the inner turmoil and the distress.

Sasuke turns around, he can't believe what he's done. This was a finished chapter in his life. He should not have brought it up again. He starts to walk away from the field, down the dirt road towards the forest. He hears himself say:

'I've got to go, be home for dinner. See you tomorrow.' It's not his voice.

Choji stays behind, puzzled, Kiba doesn't says anything. It doesn't seem like he's all too worried.

If this is what normal kids do in their free time, I don't think I'm meant to be one, Sasuke thinks to himself.

-

Sasuke never goes home to Kiba's anymore. He's afraid that he won't be able to hold himself together next time. At lunch the threesome he shot bottles with don't say a word about his behavior. Kiba doesn't because, frankly, it doesn't seem like he remembers it, Choji doesn't because he hates to bring it up, and Shikamaru doesn't want to go through the trouble. He doesn't dismiss it though. It's always there, in his eyes.

Sakura seems to have noticed it as well. She asks him once what they did together that afternoon. Sasuke lies. She doesn't ask anymore. She also doesn't push him anymore. Perhaps she's finally realized, accepted that Sasuke doesn't want to be popular, particularly. He doesn't need to hang out with other people every afternoon.

Sasuke goes running in stead. It's something he's been doing for a while now. When the forest is emptiest, in the evening and in the very early morning, he wears his old clothes, puts on the worn tennis shoes Suki's given him, and goes out running.

-

The forest is gorgeous, completely quiet. It's not yet blossoming, because it's still too cold for that, but ice is melting and the drips of the water contribute to the magic.

That's what Sasuke thinks as he races through the trees. The dirt under his shoes makes no noise as he passes over it in a steady rhythm. Sasuke runs, controlled and to fast to keep up for long.

The trees are blurs and colors. There is no sound of birds whistling, just the wind in the leaves, and his own labored breathing in his ears. In stead of stopping when it starts to hurt he pushes himself. He keeps going. The gasps for breath transform, his lungs ache, they scream for rest. He doesn't stop.

Then his breathing turns to sobbing. He skids to a halt on the frozen ground. The steam coming out of his mouth condenses in his face, it's cold. He tastes blood, spits, and sees blood. A dark stain on the earth.

Around him there are some rotting leaves left from the fall, but most of it has been blown away, or it has already decomposed. It's supposed to turn to spring soon. The branches are still empty though, there is no sign of new life, fresh buds.

Sasuke controls himself. Hands on his knees, getting back his breath and composure. Shutting his eyes hard and forcing himself to stop acting like such a fucking kid.

Then he walks again. The strain in his legs feel wonderful, it's so good to feel a proof of hard work. Gently he calms down. This is what he needs after two days or so in the hospitable house of the ever-so-hospitable Harunos. He needs to unleash himself at least once, because he's restless and he doesn't know why. Doesn't want to admit it.

-

Because of his social absence at school he's one of the last that hears about the new help Iruka has hired, possibly he is _the_ last to know it. Iruka is one of the local farmers. He keeps a few cows and some chicken but earns most of his money growing wheat. He's got a large piece of land and expensive equipment but he lives alone, and work is hard. To ease himself of some of the more trivial burdens he's hired a boy to do them for him. Or so Sasuke's heard.

At first he thinks nothing of it but Ino's words stir up something inside of him. Hope?

'Ah, you should _see _him Shikamaru, he's got the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen.'

Ino's been talking about him since first hour. Her face is all shiny and she smiles all the time.

'Yeah, whatever, I hear he's freaking felon, your prince charming.' Shikamaru responds.

Ino hits him in the shoulder.

'He is not a felon, alright?! Besides even if he was, he's free now right? So that means that he's an ex-felon.'

Choji laughs and Shikamaru slaps himself on the head. Why is he even trying?

'So an ex-felon is acceptable?'

'One with eyes like this one? Always.'

'How old is he anyway.'

'He's our age, I've seen him when my bus goes past the field in the morning.' Choji answers this time.

'Doesn't that mean that he should be going to school with us?'

'But he works right? Maybe he dropped out? Anyway, he's probably like way more mature the you guys here, except for Sasuke of course.' Ino smiles at him sideways, still defending her new prince fiercely.

Sasuke makes use of the small pause. He tries to be subtle and casual, and asks:

'Do you know where Iruka lives, exactly?'

-

That night he dreams, the next too. In the morning he wakes up with clear memory of what he dreamed of. That's the problem, the pictures won't go away. Blue eyes haunt him, and every time he turns a corner he thinks he sees. Even when Sakura touches his hand or arm, it's like it's him.

It makes him feel crazy. It's absurd that after all this time it _still _makes his heart do back flips in his chest. The fact that he can't keep himself from growing warm and that he can't make his breathing slow down ticks him of. He is not supposed to be fucking dependant.

To rid his mind of the images he goes running more often, to the point where his body hurts, just so that at night he can sleep immediately.

-

One of the days short after that, it was a Wednesday he remembers, Sasuke accepts Ino's invitation to go with them to town for shopping. He doesn't particularly care for clothes or ice cream but it does help him to fit in. Besides it's not like they're going to eat him, and since Sakura's coming too Kiba won't pull a stunt like he did last time.

They get on the bus and three of them find places at the back. The rest has to stand. It seems like their entire school has shopping plans for that afternoon. It takes a good fifteen minutes to get there. Sasuke's used to shorter bus trips. When they get of the full force of the wind chills them to the bone. For a late spring day it's unnaturally cold. No ice cream then.

The little town is cozy, there is a park and lot's of green all over, it would have been very pretty in the summer. Now everybody rushes inside, café's and shops are packed. The girls split of to go to a clothes shop further down the street while the boys stick in the video store. They've scheduled to meet each other later in the local café/restaurant to have a late lunch.

Kiba drools over the latest games and controllers while Shikamaru inspect one of the laptops. Sasuke feels very out of place. He wanders aimlessly down the aisles, sticking to pick up a DVD here and there. He knows nothing. It only hits him then and there how unbelievably much he's missed. He lost his childhood, his adolescence. He is not as old as the boys in his class, older. He doesn't care for the same things. He wishes he would. Maybe he'll try.

Chouji behind him pushes one of the DVD's into his hands.

'This one was awesome. You should really watch it. It's about a crew on a spaceship who get marooned on a strange planet, and then at night the planet's monsters come out and attack anything that moves. There was…'

He keeps talking while Sasuke inspects the cover of the DVD. Suki has given him allowance last Saturday. 10 bucks. He's never earned money that easily. He could spend it, make Chouji happy.

Then Shikamaru appears behind them, Kiba by the collar, a pissed look on his face.

'Let's go you two, before Kiba starts breaking stuff.'

Sasuke buys the DVD.

After the video store the boys, not including Sasuke he just follows, decide to crash the local supermarket and buy food and drinks. This time it's Chouji leading. The supermarket it not as big as the ones just outside the city. Wal-Mart and such, but it's also bigger than the little local stores that Sasuke bought his food from back when he lived in the city.

Inside they all split up and in about three second he finds himself alone in front of the vegetables. He picks up a tomato just as to look busy. He's already spent all his money.

The smells enter his nose, make him dream again. His mother making pasta in the kitchen. The buzz of the refrigerated area lulls him to sleep. He's calm now but very clear. Walking slowly with no purpose but lucid. He decided he likes supermarkets. Nobody cares for you, you're anonymous.

Sasuke's dreams are shattered in front of the instant noodle racks. Or not shattered, you could say that too. You could say that he just kept on dreaming the part where he bumped into the figure out of his past. Baby-blue eyes and a luscious, apologetic smile. Then Naruto recognizes him.

'Sasuke?'

He says it with such relief and adoration that it makes his heart stop in his chest.

'Naruto?' He says, and doubts his vision.

Dressed in a brown jumper over black faded jeans it's him. Full and real, delightfully present. Naruto smiles wide, he steps forward and immediately his hands ache for him. They're outstretched but halt in the air awkwardly. His eyes say: can I touch you? I want to touch you?

'What are you doing here?' Sasuke asks, he tears his gaze away, to the floor and takes a quick step back, because what if he does?

What if he lets Naruto hug him like they both want to? They'll be standing here until next Christmas. Forever holding on, not wanting to let go and lose again what lies dearly precious in their hearts.

'I work here. Not in the store, on the farm. I came after you.'

Why won't Naruto leave him alone? Not that he doesn't like it, he does, immensely. It's just painful, seeing him again, tearing open the wound, healing it, then tearing it open again. It burns. Why is he so special? He doesn't deserve, he's not friendly, he messed up, he's ungrateful.

'Why do you follow me always?' Says Sasuke, his voice breaking just that teeniest bit.

'What else am I gonna do?' Naruto replies, completely convinced.

Is this what he believes? That without him he's nothing? Would he actually die if they were apart? Can he not quit him?

'I'm not alone, I came with friends.' Sasuke says.

'Friends?'

This stings Naruto just a bit. At first it's funny, because come on, Sasuke and friends? Then he understands what it means. They can not be seen together. It pulls at his mouth but he can't let it get him down now. He's found him again. There is nothing that he wouldn't do.

'Yes alright. I need to see you again.'

Naruto steps over and Sasuke does the same, although unconsciously. He quickly but calmly tells Naruto his new address. It's clear he's not thinking, what comes after that? Are they supposed to meet a Sakura's house? Eat at her dinner table?

Naruto doesn't care, like a lot of times when real things matter. He just smiles.

That's when Shikamaru, Chouji and Kiba turn around the corner.

'Hey, did you get something?' He asks, and then notices a blond of medium stature with burning blue eyes.

'I'm sorry, did I interrupt?'

'No you didn't let's go.'

Sasuke turns around although it hurts to just leave like that. He stalks out the supermarket and hears Chouji say:

'Did you know that guy or something?'

'I knew him from when I lived in the city.'

'Well you should have invited him to come with us.'

'He not that kind of friend.' _No he's not, much more. _

'…you lived in the city?'

Sasuke says nothing. He's in a strange mood for the rest of the day, not bad really, just reserved, pensive, withdrawn.

-

Later that day, (he did not have to wait for long) the bell rings downstairs and Suki opens it. Sasuke hears her voice from at the door, polite surprise. He also hears the familiar sound of Naruto's mumbling. Immediately he climbs down the stairs and stops halfway, like he's just remembered to control himself. Suki turns and says:

'Will your friend be staying for supper Sasuke?'

Sasuke looks over at Naruto and their gazes meet. It seems as if that moment stretches too long, like it's obvious that they are not just 'friends' and that Naruto did not come over to 'play'. There is a tension in both their eyes, a sort of strained formality. Naruto nods faintly, so Sasuke mutters:

'Yes, if it's not a problem.'

Suki laughs heartily of course and leaves for the kitchen chatting about the large amount of food and the joy of extra company.

Naruto hesitantly climbs up the stairs after Sasuke, as always he's unsure in new places and never touches anything. His hands are kept consciously close to his body, he doesn't even grab the rail of the stairs. He averts his eyes and gnaws his bottom lip. Sasuke leads him to his room without saying a word.

Inside Sasuke takes place on the bed while Naruto prefers to lean awkwardly against the cupboard.

'You've gotten real polite.' He says finally, a little breathless.

'They're good people.'

'Aha.'

Both are silent again. It's as if after all this time that they've been apart they have to get used to being with each other again. It's much like it was in the beginning when there were always these uncomfortable sentences that were left unspoken but so obviously hung in the air. Sasuke wonders how the other has been. Whether he's been a lucky as him. Whether he also has to adjust. Whether he also feels so horribly out of place, uncomfortable, and unwanted as him.

'How've you been?' Sasuke asks.

'Fine. Iruka is sweet sorta. I can cook eggs if I want to, and he let's me sleep late on Sunday.'

Sasuke nods. They are both painfully aware of the want for more than just 'conversation'. Suddenly Sasuke's throat is parched.

'I've been thinking that it's been more than a month since you last slept with me.' Naruto says, and he approaches. For some reason, him saying those words is funny and comforting. It's so wonderful that his presence, blunt, direct and clumsy has not changed.

Naruto's eyes focus on his face, neck and below. They look a little distant, not very lucid. He licks his lips and opens them unconsciously.

On the bed Sasuke leans backwards. Like Naruto he's also noticed the fog in his brain and the suffocating heat in his body. Although he know's now that it's fine. He smiles.

It seems like forever, way too long for Sasuke, before lips finally descend upon his own. After lips, warm hands, and eventually a body between his knees. His hands automatically catch the blond by his waist, then encircle the presence closely. He leans back, almost bumps his head on the wall.

They have not changed. Everything is as it is supposed to be and better. Naruto still loves him, wants him really bad.

The movements after that escalate a little. Hands touch faces and lips and teeth wander with more desperation. Naruto has positioned himself on top. One hand holds the other down by the shoulder so that he has unlimited access to that perfectly smooth jaw line. Sasuke arches up automatically so that their stomachs are touching and the heat is shared. He's got his hand curving around Naruto's shoulder blades, putting his fingernails deep in the flesh.

There is some distant shouting from downstairs but of course neither hears, or if they do, they don't react; Nothing can seem to unglue them from each other. Only after 5 to 10 second does Sasuke's brain register, he was always the faster of the two, the footsteps on the stairs, light and fast coming towards his room.

With what must have taken all the willpower of the world he tears himself loose and pushes Naruto on the floor. He gasps at the exact moment the door opens and Sakura peeks in. She laughs and there is one dimple in her cheek.

'Dinner's ready'. She says.

Then she seems to notice Naruto, flushed, tousled and a little freaked out on the floor, and Sasuke mentally cursing, this house, place and family in a bed with creased sheets.

Naïve or wise as she is, she doesn't say a word.

When she closes the door Naruto emits an audible breath, then he blushes fervently and mumbles:

'sorry.'

'That's ok.' Sasuke barely replies, his voice a little higher than usual.

He scrapes his throat. What was that? When was the last time that he'd lost control over himself like that? He suddenly feels very tired, as if it had taken real physical effort to interrupt the… exercise before Sakura came in. Also, what kind of relationship to they have together? After more than a month apart all they can do is kiss and maybe more? He's never felt like such a slave to his emotions before. Curse puberty and hormones and love.

Naruto gets back on his feet and motions to the door.

'I'm kind of hungry. You wanna go eat now?'

-

Of course Naruto makes a fool out of himself at the dinner table, but a loveable fool. Suki laughs at him as he stuffs his face with her food and offers him more. Sakura's dad entertains them with stories about Iruka when he was little, everyone understands them but Sasuke. He's never met the man, for some reason, all the attention is on Naruto now. Like he's a planet and everything is drawn towards him. Except that he's more a sun than a planet.

Even Sakura herself is won over, and she never takes her eyes of Sasuke even for a little while.

He doesn't know if he should be moping or grateful.

-

**Updated and everything. Now my back hurts :(**


	7. Chapter 7

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 7_

Finally having him back means a lot to Sasuke. He hasn't realized how much he's missed him. It's like he's just discovered that the voices in his head and the dreams and the people in the corners of his eyes when he's tired are all this one person, this one person who's been haunting him, but in a pleasant sort of way.

After the incident in the bedroom when Sakura nearly caught them together, he's sure to be more careful though.

One day when he's eating a late dinner he talks to Sakura. Her parents are out for the evening and they've left lasagna to be heated up in the oven for their daughter and foster child. Luckily Sakura's familiar with all the buttons on the machine because Sasuke wouldn't have had a clue if you asked him.

It's quiet in the house except for the sounds of chewing and knives and forks against plates and the sound of the TV (Yes they're eating in front of the television, why? Because there's no one around to tell them not to). It's not a forced silence and it's not at all awkward. Sakura has that sort of talent. She's a quiet girl, composed and smiling and not in-your-face present like Ino. She asks him:

'Where have you met Naruto? You seem like good friends.'

He thinks about lying to her but then decides that there's nothing wrong with the truth.

'He…, we've met before I moved here. We used to go to school together.'

'Do you know why he came here?'

'Iruka hired him as a help on the farm.' He says.

'No, I know that, I just don't know why he left the city in the first place. Isn't it a good place to live?'

Sasuke ponders for a second.

'Well it's nothing like here, but there are good and bad places in the city. Naruto used to live in a bad place.'

Sakura raises her eyebrows and swallows a piece of lasagna.

'A bad place? Like what?'

'He's an orphan. He lived in a children's home before he came here.'

'An orphan?! That's hard. You wouldn't think it if you looked at him.'

Sasuke knows exactly what she's talking about. He's often wondered about Naruto's sunny disposition. He's searched that smile more than once for any sign of insincerity or doubt. He's never found any.

'He is the strongest person I've ever met.' Sasuke answers her, without really thinking about the consequences.

She looks at him curiously. Of course she is, it's weird for her to hear him speak like that.

In school it feels like Shikamaru is even more reserved to him than usual. There isn't a second that goes by without him frowning, confused or as if though he's thinking about something very hard. Sakura tells him after class one day, very quickly and pretend-casual, that he's asked her about his past. She twirls her pink ponytail awkwardly around her fingers and tells him without looking him in the eye. One of her feet is already in the direction that she plans to go.

Sasuke is frankly, a little baffled. Sakura asks him whether she did right, not telling Shikamaru where Sasuke came from and what he's been through. Sasuke nods, but really, he doesn't know the answer.

There is a part of him that, most of all, wants to forget what happened. This is the part of him that wants to move on with his life. But, if forgetting his past means forgetting Naruto than could he? For Naruto is as much part of what happened as his brother is.

It takes him the entire day to finally reach the conclusion that yes, Sakura did do the right thing. He will remember who he is, what he's overcome and most importantly, who he lives for, but that is intimate, and private. He would not appreciate the entire school knowing.

He himself though has found the courage to acknowledge what is there. He jogs by Naruto's house as often as he can. Sometimes he's there in the field, and the sun that engulfs him in light and warmth suits him so well that Sasuke wondered what he was ever doing in the city.

It's Saturday afternoon and Sasuke is walking down a dirt pathway, beside the wheat fields that play in the wind.

The day comes with bright sunlight and clear skies. Despite the warm glow that engulfs the trees of the forest and the bright colored fences and barns it's still cold. There's a soft but icy breeze that rustles the branches and tousles Sasuke's hair as he makes the turn, up the drive-way of the large farm.

It looks everything like he has imagined it would. Old brick house, large enough to house two families, square dirt courtyard and a little further, a wooden barn.

He doesn't quite know what to do. The scenery is painfully unfamiliar, Sasuke sticks out horribly. He ducks further into his winter coat, although it's already too warm for the season, but it does the job of hiding his face.

It takes him a long while before he hears the noises from behind the brick house. Cautiously he follows the courtyard and almost falls over a pair of shears that lay rusting to pieces against the wall. He's very distracted, tense, and just not himself today. He's been all week. Of course Suki hasn't said anything but he's heard her sigh when he dropped the third cup in two days.

Recovering from his awkward stumble he swears softly and continues. The noises from at the back stop momentarily. The second that Sasuke clears the corner and gains full view of the large field his eyes are caught by enthusiastic blue ones.

It's Naruto of course. A hammer in his hand, nails and a saw on the grass. He's been fixing a wooden fence, changing the rotting poles, putting in new ones and retying the barbed wire. When he sees Sasuke though he drops all tools and allows for his face to break into the most beautiful smile.

Suddenly Sasuke isn't so cold anymore, the sun seems to shine brighter. He has to smile as well. He mouths 'hello', but he doesn't think that Naruto saw it.

Naruto seems like he wants to run towards him, eventually does, but then stops again to stand perfectly still and awkward in front of him again. There is still that unbreakable shimmer on his face.

'Hey, you came. 'Been waiting all day.' He says a little breathlessly.

Sasuke nods. He picks up the wooden hammer and looks at Naruto questionably.

'Don't tell me they've got you working hard for your bed and breakfast here?'

Naruto laughs and he blushes a little, reaches over to take the hammer back.

'There's nothing wrong with being grateful, I'm just helping out.'

'Right'.

Naruto's dressed in a simple, white (turning grey) T-shirt, it's a little bit too small for him so every time he bends it rides up his stomach and he has to pull it down again with a red face. Sasuke watches him for a while, an amused smirk on his face. Naruto quickly finishes up with the last pole, throws the tools into a box against the wall and stops right in front of him. Green, rubber boots in the mud.

'So, I wanna show you something.'

He pulls down his shirt once more, resolutely this time and makes for the barn further down a dirt path along the field. He takes long strides, keeping his head up and his eyes near the sky. It truly is a beautiful day. He tries to look behind him secretly, turning his head only a little bit. Sasuke notices of course because he can't tear his eyes away. Naruto's lashes cast the most adorable shadows against his cheeks.

Sasuke feels the nerves in his body. He's curious and tense. It makes him breath a little faster, feel a little warmer. He looks at the back of Naruto's neck and realizes that his hair's grown a little bit since he last saw him, it now covers that little mole behind his ear.

They reach the wooden building and it seems bigger now, from up close. Naruto pushes opens the heavy door, he keeps it open so that Sasuke can come in, and lets it go again. It falls back to its place, shaking a little in the hinges.

Inside the barn it's stuffy and at least 5 degrees warmer than outside. There is only one open window, high in the left wall, it allows for the sunlight to cascade into the space like some divine light. It paints everything golden and honey-brown. In the far corner a ginger cat jumps up and disappears again.

Naruto turns to him, a nervous smile on his face.

'Cool right?'

'I've never been in a barn before.' Sasuke says, looking around him.

'It smells good.'

Naruto smiles exasperated at Sasuke's approval. He turns and sits down on the high mountain of hay that's been tied together in hard, square bundles.

'How've you been?'

'Not any worse than you. The family is…nice.'

Naruto nods, it seems as if though he's trying to say something entirely different.

'Do you know that I heard stories about your blue eyes at school?'

'What?'

'Honest. They were the ones who told me Iruka's hired you. The girls think you're handsome.'

He smiles, trying hard to keep his mouth closed but his teeth shine though eventually. He's very amused.

'And what do you think?' He asks.

'I think that It's been too long since we've last had sex.' Sasuke says in little bit of a hurry, sticking the words together.

He smiles too, dubious. Naruto is caught of guard by the direct answer, although of course he knows that this has been in the air between them for a long time. The big elephant in the room.

'You care to change that?'

Sasuke is already at his side, instantly it seems, although they've been gravitating towards each other the entire time. The lips he hungrily presses on Naruto's are smiling. This was the way it was supposed to be. Not in Sakura's house, awkward but passionate and uncontrollable, but here, in this golden place with no one in miles and just each other to fill the space.

Naruto leans back, falls with his head in the hay, it smells so good now, when Sasuke presses his nose in the crook between the shoulder and neck. Kisses and hands, hands and kisses, tongue. It's all so fluid between them. As if they have been doing this for centuries, as if they're ancient and this between them is sacred.

Then Naruto flips them both around, and starts wrestling with the revealing t-shirt. Sasuke feels the hay prick him in the neck and in his lower back and shoulder blades. He blows the hair out of his face and mutters angrily:

'I thought that hay was supposed to be soft.'

Naruto chuckles against his chest and slides up to kiss his jaw.

'Do you wanna swap again?'

Sasuke tries to lift his shoulders but he's pressed back again with force.

'Am I going to have to fight you for it?' He whispers, more than a little surprised.

Naruto bites his ear as an affirmative.

When Sasuke is finally picking the straw out of his hair and looking for his lost T-shirt the sun is already low in the sky. Everything is less bright and more bronze than golden now. Faintly in his head he wonders if from the top of the barn, up the ladder in the corner, you could see the sunset.

Naruto is lying on his back, still in the straw, not bothering to get up. Sasuke looks back at him and decides that the whole barn-yard-boy look suits him. He smiles to himself.

Naruto catches it and asks:

'What are you smiling at?'

'Nothing, are you going to tell me how you got out of Juvie?'

'I was set free. I only got two months in the first place. I just stole a car remember?'

Right. Sasuke nods. Naruto was going to be out before he was. He would have been alone again.

'Don't worry. I was just gonna try and rob a bank when I got out, you wouldn't have missed me for long.'

He snorts. It's taken him a long time but now he can laugh at Naruto's jokes. He also sees the inevitable and knows how to treat it with humor.

'What about Haku?'

'I think he gets out in a month or two. In the summer at least. He's been there for two years, did you know that?'

He didn't. Naruto rolls over on his stomach and searches the floor for his own clothes.

'I don't know when Gaara gets out though. He's already eighteen so I don't know why they're still keeping him.'

Sasuke says nothing. He hasn't asked about Gaara, he's jealous. He knows that he has no reason to be, whatsoever, but the redhead scares him.

'He's told me that they're thinking of transferring him to a psyche ward in another town. Can you imagine that? Gaara's not crazy, he just has different principles.'

Sasuke chooses not to comment.

'Why are you not going to school? I thought it was obligatory.'

'Well I'm sixteen now, I've already got a diploma. I chose to drop out.'

'You chose to drop out? What are you going to do for a living?' Sasuke demands, hiss voice louder than usual. He sounds like his teachers and hates it.

'What I'm doing now.'

Sasuke looks at him with almost accusing eyes. He doesn't understand. He's actually sad that he lost his childhood, but hearing this from Naruto, it's like the other just doesn't care.

'I know what you're thinking. I'm sorry about it too, but school just isn't an option for me anymore.'

Sasuke hears what he says, and there's an undeniable truth in the statement, but he refuses to accept that Naruto is mature and has moved on. How can he, when he himself feels sometimes still feels like such a child?

At leaving the barn the chill of the wind finally meets their bones. The sun is setting now and the light is between that orange and blue that you get when it's cold. The sky up above them is truly formidable. In the city the sky was trapped between buildings, grey or steel blue during the day and glowing in the dark. There were clouds but you could never see a whole one. Here in countryside the sky is like a entity, living and looming over them, heavy with birds and colors.

Sasuke asks whether you can see the stars at night. Naruto chuckles and answers that you can if you want to. He smiles all the time, glowing, heavy conversation forgotten. Then he asks him to stay over for the night because it's getting dark and because it's cold and because he wants to introduce him to Iruka.

Sasuke says yes. Dinner is sober, not at all like with the Haruno's who've got three courses and matching cutlery. It tastes good none the less, better after a day of hard work, Iruka says.

He's a man of few words, shy in a kind sort of way. His face is round and tanned by the sun, there is a faint scar on his nose but it doesn't stand out in the dim light of the wooden kitchen. He's got a rather large nose and full lips. He looks a little more southern than all of the others in the village.

When he puts a plate in front of Sasuke and hands him an spoon and a fork their hands touch. Iruka's got hard hands from working but they're soft too, when moving the towel and washing the dishes, or when brushing the hair out of his neck.

Sasuke likes him, really much and almost instantly. Iruka and Naruto talk naturally as if they've shared the same dining table for four years now.

After dinner Naruto takes him to his room where he makes up an extra bed, fitting the mattress into the tiny empty space. Then they head down and watch TV. Nothing important, just noise. Iruka's not there. Sasuke feels Naruto slide against his shoulder and watches him as his eyes start to flutter.

He could watch him forever, he realizes. There is a place inside him, a tender little spot that he thought wasn't there before. But now, at discovering it, it makes him feel all shaky and insecure, but at the same time, he wouldn't change it for the world. He doesn't know what time it is when they finally do slide into bed, but it couldn't have been before 12. Sasuke whispers in his ear gently and together they stumble upstairs. Silently they change. Silently they crawl under the same comforter in Naruto's bed.

The next morning, when it's still dark but there is a line of light peeking over the horizon because of the rising sun, Iruka carefully peers around the door. What he sees does not necessarily shock him but he is intrigued and very confused at what to do.

It's true that he could never have prepared for a boy like Naruto. It's true that although they are opposites and that Naruto's loud, he finds himself charmed. Determination and a smile that turns you inside out, that's him, and Iruka doesn't mind living with him.

So when he looks at the limbs entwined, and at Naruto's nose in the neck of that enigmatic dark-haired boy, he doesn't say a word. In stead he traces back four steps and closes the door tenderly behind him. He'll allow him to sleep late, he'll do the work alone this morning.

In the morning birds whistling and the soft noise and light wake Naruto. He doesn't open his eyes just yet and breathes slowly and utterly content because he feels the body against him, the legs entwined with his, rough from little hairs and the hands warm on his waist.

He really does want to lie like this forever. He's actually afraid of all the things that'll come after this. Because what will everything else feel like when you've already experienced the perfect happiness? This heaven to him, has all but ruined his earthly existence. Though even thoughts like these, slightly sad, can not take away anything of the light and goodness that he feels that morning.

Naruto opens his eyes, very slowly, and moves up his arms just a little to rub the sleep out of them. Just in front of him is Sasuke. His head is buried in the pillow and his hair falls just over his ear and right eye.

Naruto has to smile. He actually has to giggle, but he stops himself just in time not to wake up his bed mate. He moves his hands to gently tuck away the stray hairs and rests them on Sasuke cheeks. The latter sighs deeply and turns halfway, moving to lie on his back, his head turns awkwardly and falls back on the pillow. Naruto presses soft and feathery little kisses on his lips and nose, just because he can't resist.

Then Sasuke cracks open one black eye out of nowhere and Naruto starts.

'Did I wake you?' He asks apologetically, and the bright sun, streaming through the window, lights up his features.

'Oh no, go back to sleep I'm sorry!' He says immediately after, a concerned frown on his face.

He didn't want to wake him, they were supposed to lie like this forever, remember?

Sasuke stretches out one hand and catches Naruto's wrist holding it tight and immobile against his chest. He looks grumpy. Naruto's eyes follow to the point where he's restricted, like he has to see it to realize. He looks back with a confused face.

'Wha-'

Sasuke's own face breaks out into a mischievous smirk and he rolls them around, pulling Naruto on his stomach.

'Yeah you woke me. Thanks for that.'

Naruto frowns again, and he's in the verge of apologizing, feeling genuinely bad about himself, when a kiss catches him off guard.

'Stupid.' Sasuke mumbles.

He closes his eyes again, as if he wants to go back to sleep. Naruto lies on his chest, a little uncomfortable. He doubts whether he should say anything or not, but then eventually makes up his mind a goes for another kiss, longer this time.

At first he thinks that Sasuke is really sleeping because he's not doing anything back, but then the arms around him clench him close, and he feels the lips move against his. It takes a long while before they find the will to tear apart again.

'Fuck.' Sasuke mumbles silently as he kicks around the sheets in the guest bed to make it look like somebody slept in them. Naruto watches him from the bed.

'Don't you wish we could have Sundays like this forever?' He asks.

Sasuke looks up at him from his bent position over the pillows.

'Yeah, I wish. But it's not possible.'

'Why not?' Naruto asks so genuinely honest and innocent that Sasuke doesn't want to laugh at the remark.

He licks his lips and tries not to make the following words sound bitter.

'Because people don't want us to be happy, that's why.'

Naruto frowns and looks out of the window. He is a child after all, to ponder over things like that. He's also so faithful, Sasuke thinks. He knows that what he said was not really the absolute truth and he knows that, for Naruto, it's not at all. Still everything he says is seriously considered and most of the time, accepted.

'Let's have some breakfast.'

They leave for the cosy kitchen again and put on the kettle for thee. Both look out the window and warm themselves up by the natural sunlight, and they long for the summer. There is some light conversation but mostly just looks and smiles that say enough.

A door falls closed in the hallway and there's the sound of heavy boots on the stone floor. Iruka comes in and takes of his jacket. He mumbles good morning but doesn't look either of them in the eye.

When he finally does there is a little bit of a blush on his nose, he's nervous. Then, a little sudden, opens his mouth and ask Naruto whether he wants to go to school or not.

'What? Why do you ask?' He answers.

'Just because… I know kids need to go to school, and I was just wondering. It would be good for you right?'

Naruto's eyes flicker over to the side of the room as he thinks.

'For friends and stuff… You should finish high school at least.'

Naruto opens his mouth and wants to speak but he doesn't really know what to say, or how to say it.

'I'll pay for it of course… don't worry about it.'

'What about work?'

'You can still do that after, besides I might get another help for the harvest. It's no problem.'

Naruto looks at him, but at his face, not in the eyes.

'Things are getting out of hand.' He mumbles very silently so that only Sasuke can hear, hardly.

'I am something like a guardian Naruto. I've got the signed papers. I think you should go to school. I'm sure.'

That is when he leaves, taking with him an apple, through the other door. It seems like everything is pushing them, forcing them to start all over and although that's not a bad thing necessarily, it does frighten them.

'What do you think Sasuke? Am I school material?' Naruto asks him, his heart on his face, insecurities, fears and flaws, everything that Sasuke loves about him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 8_

_-_

Naruto's fist day at school is a memorable one. He's dressed in clothes he would usually never wear, but Iruka forced him to 'look nice'. Of course what Iruka thinks is neat and appropriate is actually weird. He falls horribly out of tone, dressed so orderly in a sea of kids in tank tops and polo's and clingy jeans and tee-shirts. He doesn't know however that Sasuke actually thinks that the sober black and white suits him.

They meet up by the buss station, Sakura has already went to sit with her friends. Sasuke sees him first. He looks so incredibly nervous he at first doesn't recognize him. When Naruto's eyes finally meet his own after having searched the crowd almost frantically, his face lights up with relief.

'Hey.'

'…' Sasuke tries to smile.

'What? Oh my god, it's the bag isn't it?' Naruto replies in complete agony.

The bag he's referring to is much like the one Sasuke first owned, all cellar tape and patches, except that it's a faded, ugly, beige color, at least three decades years old. Sasuke shakes his head and laughs at him, only in such a way that no one sees.

'Forget the bag. It'll be fine.'

Naruto snorts and looks like he's in torture.

'I survived my first day, right? You're acting like a kid.'

'Yeah well… Fucking hell Sasuke, I'm not like you! I can't give all the girls sudden multiple orgasms by just batting my eyelashes, okay?!'

Sasuke looks at him funny.

'Fuck! I'm just tense, alright? Sorry.'

All is well and forgotten. Sasuke leads the way through the large entry. Inside most of the kids don't pay any attention to them. Not many people know that he's new, new in the middle of the year. In fact, only Sakura knows because she's class rep, but actually that might mean that Ino knows too.

In the corridors it's too crowded. Because of the exceptionally windy weather outside everyone stays in. Girls excitedly report on their weekend to friends they haven't seen for two days, and most of the boys are huddled together, discussing parties, girls, videogames and hairstyles.

Through one of the corridors walks Neji. He's combed his long brown hair back into a flawless, loose ponytail and looks stunning as ever. Dressed in black and white, much like Naruto himself, he looks more like a young teacher that a student. Academic, intelligent, ever so handsome. Perfectly achieved nonchalance. A face of stone. On his right hand walks Ten-Ten, his girlfriend. She's slender and tall, Chinese nobility, or so the rumor goes. Her brown, silk hair knotted up on her heart-shaped head in two intricate knots. Her big brown eyes, framed by long blackened eyelashes, look down her nose at the others. She's wearing a pale blue skirt, well above the knee, and a white blouse. Together they are lord and lady, king and queen of school.

It is only Murphy's law that Naruto, pushed and a little bit freaked out by all the hysterics around him, people screaming at each other about weekends and dates, stumbles in front of their feet, right in their path. More exactly, right on Neji's nose. It's like a scene from a bad comedy, only slowed down and more embarrassing. So horribly, painfully inevitable and uncomfortable.

Neji is about a good head taller than him so when they collide it is Naruto that crashes with his back against the lockers. Neji actually halts, he never usually does, not if he's feeling superior, and turns to look him in the face.

'Don't walk in front of me.' He says in such a voice that, even drenched the noise and commotion, every sound of it reaches Naruto's ears.

His eyes, evanescent grey, blue in the sunlight, regard him with such disrespect and scorn that Naruto feels the little monster inside his belly twirl. He has a temper but is usually strong enough to keep it in check. Sure when he is treated with injustice he gets angry but normally, it never really gets to real physical harm. Why this day is different, one might blame on his nerves.

Nothing changes it though. Nothing keeps him from getting back up, stepping in front of him and scowling right back at the king of High School, sneering:

'I think the corridor is big enough for both of us.'

It's not maybe the words that do it but the tone of voice. Neji himself has never been regarded with such insolence. There is absolutely no fear, just intense dislike, and frustration too, in the voice. Neji takes one step forward, tall and threatening he is, even more handsome from up close. Behind him Ten-ten moves silently out of his way.

'Who the fuck are you?' He says in such a low, yet thundering voice that the lights above them seem to flicker.

'Who do you think you are, asking me?' Naruto replies, just as menacing, feeling bigger than he is.

Neji travels his eyes over Naruto's small frame slowly, dripping with condescending irony. He lifts a hand and picks at the blond's old white shirt and decrepit bag with a disgusted look on his face. He says, and there is that hurtful scorn in his voice again that makes Naruto's eyes go red in front:

'Someone with a better sense of fashion.'

Then there is that tiny little change in the atmosphere, the little spark that absolutely ignites everything. Naruto slaps the hands away from his shirt and with his own hand pushes Neji against his shoulder with a force that you wouldn't expect him to possess. Neji falls back against the lockers on the other side of the narrow corridor and his face is worth taking a picture of, he looks that surprised.

Just for about one second after that when the students around them shut up to realize what's going on, both parties get up and fly at each other's throat like rabid vultures... It's not really certain who threw the first punch (although later Naruto will proudly admit that it was him), both are equally fast.

In the meantime Sasuke watches from a distance and is in complete shock. After having lost sight of Naruto for maybe a few seconds, he finds him clashing fists with the most adored boy in school. He pushes forward hurriedly but is forced to duck to avoid a punch by Neji, aimed for Naruto's head.

'Sick freak.' The taller one manages utter between clenched teeth. It might be the first time that he's ever been this unconcerned about keeping up a reputation.

It's not really clear who's winning, with Neji pinning Sasuke's blond to the wall and smacking his fist in the general direction of his face, and Naruto hunched up like a boxer throwing punches in Neji's gut. What he does know is that Neji's the crowd's favorite. It's the encouraging shouts from the audience that make him snap out of his indecision.

He steps forward and, endangering his own bloody life in the process, tears them apart, holding a viciously growling Naruto with his arm against the lockers. Neji stumbles backwards again with the same expression of shocked offense on his face. Sasuke however has no time to savor it because he's got his hands full with kicking and screaming Naruto.

'Bastard, I'm gonna kill you!' The little demon roars.

Only then, when the damage is already done does someone get the incredibly clever idea to go and get a teacher. If he hadn't been holding Naruto back with all his strength, Sasuke might have rolled his eyes.

'Shit! GO FUCKING REDO YOUR STUPID PONYTAIL YOU PRICK!' Naruto screams as he furiously smears the blood under his nose with the ripped sleeve of his formerly white shirt.

Thankfully the teacher arrives just in time to prevent Neji from going at him for a second time. He looks a little scared to be honest and peeks over his shoulder desperately, praying for back up as he stands shaking in between the two warriors.

The bell goes and backup arrives. They usher the persistent students to their classes. Sasuke too wants to disappear in the crowd but a firm hand on his shoulder keeps him from taking a step.

'Why don't you three come with us.'

No way, he thinks, life can not be this unfair.

-

Apparently it is. Naruto sits next to him silently sulking on a hard chair. They're in the infirmary and the air smells sharply of disinfectant. Sasuke has his hands crossed over his chest and fumes. He refuses to look at the boy beside him, nor at the other one at the end of the room, sitting on a hospital bed pressing ice against a wound on his eye. Naruto is picking at the cotton in his nose, soaking up the bloody remnant of a nosebleed. It's actually getting a little blue near the bridge of his nose.

In front of them is the nurse who is avidly putting up a file for them both, her pen scratching against the paper is the only sound that breaks the oppressive silence.

'Hyuuga Neji, Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto. Right. OK. You are registered. First day of school for you Naruto, and already a record, I must say… Not exactly what we like to see.' She says without lifting her black eyes from the papers.

She stands up and picks up an empty cup as she walks to the door.

'I'll be right back with the principle, nobody move a muscle.'

She eyes all three of them once and then closes the door after her. The silence that follows is only filled with breathing and Sasuke's foot tapping the floor in an annoyed, rhythmic fashion. He doesn't avert his eyes but hears the ruffling of fabrics beside him. Naruto's hand secretly tugs his coat.'

'Sasuke…' He says, really quietly as if he doesn't wants Neji to hear them.

It's a futile attempt because his voice is painfully clear in the absolute silence and grey scornful eyes immediately flash over to focus on the back of Naruto's head.

'Come on…'

'Get off me.' Sasuke sneers and slaps away the hand. Then he shakes his head.

'What the fuck were you thinking?' He asks with genuine curiosity.

'…He started it.' Naruto's tiny voice sounds, bratty like a four-year-olds.

Sasuke snorts in disgust and unbelief, and from the other side of the room Neji does the same. Both of them lock eyes for just a second. It's a strange moment. Neji is not just anyone it seems. His eyes are familiar. The grayness hides something else, something secret that for some reason doesn't feel alien to Sasuke.

They look away. It feels like treachery.

-

So the sentence is just what one would expect. All three have several weeks of detention in which they are to help with the painting of the new building and cleaning up the general area. Principle Tsunade, the iron lady with flashing brown eyes delivers them the unhappy news with a smile on her face. Guess what! She can actually purchase a new set of schoolbooks for the library because of the money she saved in cancelling the professional help she'd hired in the first place! Naruto and Sasuke and Neji are forced to say: 'you're welcome'. It's one of the most embarrassing moments of their lives.

-

The rest of the day goes fine. As good as can be expected. Of course Naruto has built up a reputation for himself, instantly, he's proud. Subjects are difficult for him and he doesn't think he'll pass but that's a problem for the future. Either he'll figure it out or he'll double, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that Sasuke doesn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

The last bell goes and Naruto can't take it anymore.

'Sasuke! Will you look at me, Dammit!' He cries as they walk down the road, distancing themselves from the great mass outside he school gates.

The latter suddenly turns around and says:

'I thought you wanted to start over. What happened to that?'

'Well if starting over means allowing for Hyuuga-fucking-stick-up-his-ass-Neji to walk all over you then, no thanks!'

Sasuke shakes his head at him. They don't really share the same opinion concerning school and blending in and such. Mainly Sasuke is pissed at himself. He should have known that Naruto is a person to bright and spontaneous to go unnoticed. He was never a type to be invisible like himself. Everyone is always and everywhere attracted to him, revolving around him, he's a planet, he's said so before.

'Come on, you saw what happened.' Naruto says to him softly.

Yes he did. He's just scared.

-

Up in the sky the sun is a brilliant orb of warm light making the horizon shimmer almost violently. It's way to hot for the time of the year, a lush spring afternoon. Sasuke lies back completely content with his head against the hot leather seat. The corners of his mouth ache, he hasn't really smiled as much as this in a very long time. Next to him is Naruto, obviously, who's never been far these recent times, not since the fight.

The latter is driving. That's right. Iruka has been giving him driving lessons in the old, beat up tractor ever since he started school again. Surprisingly, there haven't been any accidents yet. The radio is on but the noise seems to be coming from very far away, it's distant. What's not so distant is Naruto himself, breathing and warm next to him in the other seat. His voice is a pleasant little waterfall of sounds. Sometimes Sasuke wonders what he always has to talk about. Things that happened on the street, things he saw, funny commercials, his thoughts, whatever.

Then the shaking of the tractor stops suddenly and Sasuke opens his eyes, not realizing he'd closed them in the first place.

'You even listening to me?' Naruto asks him and you can see that he's trying really hard to look serious, the attempt horribly fails because there is that everlasting smile of his breaking through.

'Here I am telling you my hopes and dreams and fears and you're asleep!' He cries out, exasperated.

Sasuke grunts and stretches.

'I'm sure I didn't miss anything.'

Naruto mocks offense and hits the other on the arm, hard.

'Fuck that, I'm out of here.'

He hassles the handle on the door three times and then manages to crack it open large enough for him to jump out. The tall grass reaches to his knees. They're in the field, the earth is dry and the wind is almost non-existent.

'Have a good life Sasuke!' Naruto cries to him, amused.

Sasuke tries to grab his shirt but he's not quick enough. He leans forward, through the open window and shouts:

'I'm sorry. Please do tell me about all your hopes and dreams and whatever.' He sounds ironic but Naruto knows he not.

Life has been good. There's no denying that and even Sasuke had to deal with it. It seems like everything that happened in the city was someone else's life. It's not a distant memory, it'll never be like that, but it's not as close as it used to be. Both actually have other things to dream about. For instance the upcoming summer, or even closer: the approaching school trip.

Both Naruto and Sasuke aren't really all that excited about the trip, for them it feels like holidays all the time. They make out in the tractor, drive it, sleep in it. They go running together sometimes, although that usually leads to something else (blame solitude and panting). Iruka cooks for them, they cook for Iruka. It's actually weird, they think, that he hasn't figured it out already, with all the sleepovers and stuff.

The sunny cloudless sky lifts their spirits. So yeah, Naruto gets back in the tractor and they make out fiercely but tenderly at the same time, something that they're very good at. In fact Sasuke is right in the middle of ripping off Naruto's shirt (the damn buttons just won't open) when the latter suddenly sits up and faces the window.

'Fuck' Is all he says, but the tone of his voice awakens something fearful in Sasuke that makes him rise lightening-fast, he hasn't felt like this since a long time.

Just at the side of the dirt road leading to the forest, not more than a couple metres to the right, is the retreating back of an expensive-looking silver car as it speedily drives away, the metal glittering in the bright sunlight.

Both boys look at each other and for a moment it's not really clear what they're thinking. Maybe a hesitant: 'he didn't see us right', or a shocked: 'what the fuck!'. In reality, they don't know what to think. It's always been them, and just them. No one has ever really known or witnessed anything of their relationship. The fact that the fragile intimacy was disturbed hits them like a bullet.

'Do you think he saw?' Naruto asks with a quiet voice.

Sasuke doesn't respond immediately. For one, he doesn't know whether they were visible or not, and second, he doesn't really think that Naruto is afraid the same way he is. He knows that his dear friend doesn't care for anyone's opinion apart from his own, which he thinks of very highly, like the word of god. He knows that if, hates to even think it, but if their relationship becomes public, he would probably have the least trouble dealing with it.

Sasuke however, and he doesn't really know why, would rather than anything in the world keep what he and Naruto share, intimate, secret and just between the two of them. Maybe it's because he wants to fit in, but that's unlikely. He doesn't particularly like or respect the students he goes to school with. More likely it's because he wants to have a normal life with no trouble. He's had enough trouble to last him a lifetime.

The truth is that they're just that scared of change. Everything has been going fine, more than fine, it's wonderful. Why alter that? Why come public if it's no one's business? Why undergo the trouble if just the two of them are enough? Everything is perfect now, so let's not fuck it up.

-

That night both have gone to their separate beds, and both of them can't sleep. There's a restlessness, an anxiety that wasn't there before. Sasuke can't stop thinking about the silver car, driving away over the dirt path. For some reason he reminds himself of Neji's sky-coloured, scornful eyes and he hears a voice in his ear. It's Karin's. He remembers her snapping at Juugo.

'Christ Juugo will you stop giving Sasuke the goo-goo eyes already. Honestly you're such a fag sometimes.'

It's strange, he hasn't thought about them for weeks.

Naruto, in his place, is lying in bed as well, eyes wide open on the ceiling. He sees the moving shadow of the tree just outside his window. The dark spots that drift around the walls, like sombre clouds. He thinks about Iruka, and how he doesn't want to be a pain. He want to spare him any suffering, same goes for Sasuke. If only he could make a deal with god, he'd tell him: blame me, I'll take the pain, I'll take it all. That's just the way his mind works, it's just the way his heart is.

-

The next day it's a Tuesday, and Naruto arrives before Sasuke does, so he waits. He sits outside the gates and watches people pass. He waves at Sakura who waves back with a sweet smile on her face. She's with that girl, Ino, who's wearing the most impossibly short, black skirt he's ever seen, he's seen a lot. Sure Ino is gorgeous, anyone with eyes can see that. He smiles at her too and she winks at him.

For Naruto it's all innocent, and in a way he's right. Although from the outside Ino looks so obviously like a woman, she is still a child inside. She likes the power she has over men, uses it to get what she wants, but never abuses it in the way that she could. It doesn't cross her mind. She's still young.

Naruto has no watch, though if he had one right now, he'd be looking at it constantly. Sasuke's late. He knows by the decreasing amount of pupils flowing through the gates, and by the speed of their walking, that it's almost time. He still remains seated, like the loyal dog he is.

A silver car pulls up the driveway. It parks in the only spot left. The windows are black but Naruto's heart has already started beating a little faster so he knows what's coming. The door to the passenger seat opens first and Tenten gets out. She straightens her back and put on her dark sunglasses. They obviously cost a fortune, and the sun's not even out properly. She walks around the car and opens the other door, leans in so Naruto's view is obstructed. He can hear her laughter, clear and high, like a bell. Then she pulls back and heads for the gates as well. She doesn't spare him one look, instead walks over the path with the style and confidence that belongs on the runway. To her everything is a show.

Naruto follows her with his eyes subtly, but then his attention is pulled back to the silver car again. Neji stands there. He's wearing sunglasses too, but he takes them off and throws them back in the car, absentmindedly. He looks at him now. There's a tiny moment on his face, something like shock, or maybe something darker. Whatever it is, it's only there for a second.

He throws the door closed and the sound is deafening in the suddenly empty parking lot. The closing beep-beep that comes after is too. Neji walks up to him. Naruto suddenly has an itch on his nose, he wonders if it's still blue around his eyes. Nonsense of course, the bruises already cleared up days ago.

'Waiting for someone?' Neji asks with a knowing voice that dares the boy in front of him to say yes.

Naruto looks at him with courageous blue eyes from beneath his eyebrows.

'No.'

Neji's face is all mask, but behind the mask there is frustration. He smiles in a wicked sort of way, twisting his features. It's sad at the same time. He looks around like a skittish horse and sneers at him.

'You two disgust me.

Naruto doesn't move a muscle. Fuck that silver car, fuck it all. He just looks up, straight into those storm-colored eyes. They meet his head on. For a second Neji think he'll hit the blond. Or maybe he's scared of being hit. Whatever the case, he turns away. He follows after Tenten.

-

The rest of the day Sasuke doesn't show up. Naruto waited for him, he missed the entire first hour. He doesn't really care about that, he does care about that prick not showing up. He has an idea of why he might be avoiding school.

At lunch, there is that frustrating question, the one everybody has dealt or will deal with eventually. Where to sit? Naruto usually just sits wherever Sasuke's sitting, which is at Sakura's table. By himself though, he doesn't know whether it's alright or not. He's not really friends with them. Hasn't really talked with them, not about real stuff anyway.

He's thankfully put out of his misery by Sakura, who calls him and waves him over. He smiles at her and rushes to the seat next to her. Shikamaru sits in front of him, next to Kiba and Chouji. Ino sits at the other side, at Sakura's right.

'Sasuke stayed home. Sorry I didn't say before. I forgot. He was feeling sick.'

He nods. Inside his head he scowls. You're not feeling sick, you're scared is all.

'Sasuke told us you used to live in the city, that's where you met.' Kiba states, and all eyes are on him, curious for more.

'He said that?'

'Yeah, that's all he tells us though. He's fucking secretive.' Kiba answers.

'Kiba!' Sakura hisses. For politeness sake. It's the absolute truth actually.

'We used to go to school together.' Naruto says after a little pause, in which he took a tiny sip of his juice.

'Was he…quiet, there too?' It's Shikamaru who asks this time, no sign of anything on his face.

'I don't know. I guess so. We… weren't really friends then.'

Naruto quickly scans all their faces. He can see that Shikamaru and Kiba have their own opinion, they all look slightly haughty. Sakura's face is in deep thought, which makes him think. Does she even know what her foster brother went through before he came here. She must have known he did time in Juvie. Does she know about what happened before?

Then Naruto feels something hit the back of his head. It bounces back a little and falls in his hood. With something inside warning him he rapidly plucks it out of the hood. It's can of coke. It open. It's not empty. He swears and puts the can on the table, feeling with his hands how big the damage is. Behind him he hears laughter erupt. He doesn't have to look back to know whose the can was, but he does anyway and he's proven right. Neji of course.

'Do you have some kind of trouble with that guy?' Shikamaru asks him.

Naruto shakes his head without a moment of hesitation.

'No.'

Kiba sighs, checks whether the can of coke is finally empty, doubts, and then drains the rest. Ino says 'yuk'. Sakura looks at him funny. Kiba licks his lips, and then states with all the confidence in the world:

'Well, Hyuuga is just natural jerk, don't worry about it.'

The sound of a chair being pulled back startles them all. They've all forgotten Hinata was sitting there, as always. She stands with her arms pressed to her body, her fists clenched and her eyes are on Kiba. Eyes the same, pale-blue color that Neji has, Naruto notices.

'He is not a jerk. He's not. He just sad. That's all.'

With those words, it seems like she pales underneath her angry flush. Like she's said too much. Then she turns 180 degrees and rushes away, through the doors.

'Shit.' Ino says.

'Hinata…' Sakura sighs and looks after her with pain in her eyes.

Everyone looks at Kiba.

'What?! I forgot they were cousins!'

-

**Updated.**


	9. The Neji Interlude

**The Neji Interlude**

_Chapter 9_

_-_

He walked home in no particular rush. Everything was quiet except for the usual chirping of the noisy birds and the rhythm of his feet being placed one in front of the other. He looked down at them and saw the ground, spotted here and there with patches of grass and weeds, move underneath him. If he erased his feet with his mind, it was almost like he was flying. But he didn't.

Neji was in a bad mood. His eyes looked solemnly into the earth and his mouth was twisted in a bitter frown. He seemed calm enough from the outside but inside his head his brain was restless. The images in front of his eyes as he closed them to blink would not leave him. His hand was clammy although the temperature was comfortable. The straps of the bag that hung over his shoulder irritated the skin. His neck felt cold, despite the glaring sun, with his wet hair caressing it.

He sighed once, to keep himself from breaking. He thought again of the bus ride, just an hour ago, the memories were still fresh on his mind. He had just left the pool where he was captain of his swim team. He'd changed quick as always, without talking. Then he'd said goodbye, formally, as always. He'd been lucky, the bus was already at the stop and he ran the last five metres, just catching it, barely. He hadn't been the only one. Behind him, and he hadn't heard the footsteps before, there was a boy he recognised. He swam as well, Neji had seen him before, though maybe on a different level.

Neji lifted his head from the ground and breathed in sharply through his nose. He picked up a stick from beside the road and trailed it along the ivy covered fence. The sound was pleasantly obnoxious.

He didn't remember much about the boy. Not enough to reconstruct an overall picture of him. There were just parts, like those of a puzzle, that jumped out. They had stood next to each other in the bus. It had been crowded so their shoulders had touched. He had smiled at Neji once, apologetic, when they got crushed to the window once, thanks to a sharp turn in the road.

The boy's hair had been curly, though brown or blond, Neji didn't know anymore. He could remember teeth, white behind the gates of his mouth. Wide lips, more or less the same colour as his skin, which was slightly tanned, as if he had just come back from a holiday in the south. Drops had dampened the collar of his shirt, coming from that brown/blond wet hair of his. They had slid down his throat leaving teasing, glistening lines on the skin. He had smelled good, a little of the pool and a little like the sun and the beach. Neji had felt hot, absolutely blazing.

He broke the stick in his hand. The crack ripped apart the buzzing silence of the little, dirt road, the one that led him along the tennis courts and to his house, mansion more like. The path was lonesome, and quiet again after the sound of the breaking stick. Suddenly Neji felt something hot and slippery in the palm of his hand. He looked and saw that the stick had cut the skin there. The gash reached from the space between his thumb and pointer finger to where his pinkie started. It burned just slightly. He quickened his pace.

There in the distance he could already see the high white roof of his house. The porch, the stairs leading up to the front door and the exuberant arches in which the windows were framed. A house in the French style, it's what his mother wanted, and what she wants she gets.

He ignored the stone pathway and walked over the perfectly manicured lawn, up to the door that was always open. Inside it was just as quiet as outside, maybe even more because you couldn't hear those stupid birds. Neji dropped his bag in the cream-coloured hallway, and walked on to a heavy dark door. It wasn't quite closed. Neji heard the humming of the computer clearly and the creaking of a chair. The phone went off inside. It was picked up at the first ring. His uncle's harsh voice answered.

Neji didn't stay to eavesdrop. He didn't care. His aunt was probably out shopping. She had announced yesterday that she wanted to redecorate the living room…for the third time this year. The maids had gone home, the house was spotless again. Maybe they would cook dinner themselves this evening, or maybe they wouldn't. '_Probably the latter.' _Neji thought.

He held his bleeding hand under the cool water in the kitchen. Then, for the sake of ridding himself of the thoughts in his head, he held his head under the tap as well. His hair, like streaks of dark brown ink, drew flowing lines along the metal basin. Neji closed the tap and hung there for a long while, his eyes closed.

It hadn't worked, now his neck was cold again, but in his chest and below, he still felt that stifling heat that threatened to choke him. His breath was laboured. His hand shook at his waist, doubting. Go up or down.

Then he heard the door to the garden house shut. He heard it softly in the distance, for the garden was big. He lifted his head from underneath the tap and wrung out his hair. He stood still in the open door to the luscious green garden, and sniffed the air. It was early summer, he smelled strawberries.

In the garden house, through the glass, the image of his oldest cousin, Hinata was blurry. She moved her dark head about the stacks of plants and seeds and bent down to pick something off the floor. Neji entered just as softly as she had done. She whipped her head around, and the motion made him think of a scared gazelle. One that's just figured out the predator was near all along. Then she smiled weakly and said:

'Oh, hello. I didn't see you coming.'

Neji attempted a smile, but then gave up and shook his head. He moved inside and stood leaning against one of the high tables. It was even warmer in here. Hinata wore only a lavender-coloured t-shirt and a black skirt. On her feet were slippers that slapped against the heel of her foot every time she took a step. The back of her short black hair was wet with transpiration and it clung to her pale skin. She was very different from her younger sister. Hanabi was tall for he age, slender and with fierce eyes and sharp cheekbones. More like their father and his uncle, though Hinata didn't particularly look like her mother either.

'What's wrong?' She said, looking up innocently from one of the bags of earth that she was cutting open on the table.

Neji opened his mouth to talk but no words came out. He was usually quiet, but if he needed to speak it was always with her. His dear cousin. There was something inside his stomach that withheld him from speaking. There was that urge that had been there all day, since the bus ride. Neji lifted his hand to place it on his brow, like he always did when he felt bad.

'What did you do to your hand?' Her voice sounded, immediately and concerned from close by.

She was at his side instantly and her warm dry hands enveloped themselves about his. She inspected the wound, and Neji drew a quick breath when the skin was pulled apart. Hinata pulled back her hands.

'We need to disinfect it.'

She made a step towards the door and held her cousin by the arm, to drag him with her, but he didn't move.

'Neji?'

He stood still as a statue except for his chest which was going up and down fast with his breathing. Instead of following her he pulled her along with him, to the other side of the garden house. To the back, where there was a separate room used for storage.

There he spun her around and buried himself in her embrace. At first she was stiff in his arms but then he felt her warm arms respond and hold him back. Neji lifted his hands to cup her face and stroke her hair. He pressed his nose in her neck.

'Neji?' Her small voice sounded, confused and shy.

'What are you doing?'

Deaf to everything but the pounding of his own blood in his head Neji tightened his hold on her and dragged her to the floor. He pressed dry kisses on her cheek. The heat in the back room was even worse and his clothes itched on his burning body. Beneath him Hinata lay with her head on the earth streaked tiles. One of her legs was sticking out next to him, touching his hip. She had started softly push him away with her arms but Neji didn't seem to feel that anymore. Her eyes were large and her mouth open to scream but she couldn't, she wouldn't.

Neji pulled off his own shirt in one clean motion and unbuttoned his trousers with the next. His breath and hers were all that filled the still, scorched air. When his hands, one on her waist and the other on her exposed thigh, began to press away the coils of her clothing she stopped her frantic wrestling and froze.

'What are you doing?' She thought she said, but it wasn't clear. Her body was not really hers anymore. She couldn't move. Her arms were up between them, a useless wall for defence. His hand felt up the softness of her stomach and enclosed around her breast. With the other he had ripped her panties.

The second that she felt him try to push inside her, Hinata closed her eyes fiercely. There were shadows and a red light on the inside of her eyelids but if she closed her eyes harder there would just be patterns and a headache.

Her breath seemed to be going to fast for her to keep up with. There was a painful pressure, inside and on her. Neji jerked his back and planted his elbows on either side of her.

The confusion that had fast turned into fear was now pushed violently away again by the pain where they were linked. She wanted to say things like: 'Get off' or 'that's too deep'. She wanted to scream them but she couldn't. There was just her frantic breathing, a sob and a fragile little cry on her tongue as he hurt her even more. A moan on his behalf.

It seemed to last too long, it seemed like that to Hinata, but it really didn't. It really was just a few times back and forward by Neji, in and out. It stopped as suddenly as it had begun. he just stopped. He lay on her, half naked still, but his weight was supported by his arms. She could breathe more easily. Then he got up, slowly, slid out of her, which hurt. Everything hurt.

Her eyes were still closed, her mouth as well, but shaking with suppressed sobs and screams. There appeared a shadow over her. She heard him swear in a shamed, heartbroken voice.

'Fuck.'

Then Hinata crawled up herself, without opening her eyes, and turned her back to her cousin. She remained seated on the ground. With shaking hands she pulled down the black skirt that had ridden up so far over her stomach. She put her bra back correctly and tried to flatten her hair with clammy, shaking hands, turning bright red when she felt the wetness on her thighs and buttocks.

She cried before she realised it. The shaking of her shoulders and the short pauses in her breath that hurt her lungs. She cried quietly, so it took Neji a while before he discovered.

'Shit.' He swore again, with that same voice, almost crying as well.

He knelt down by her side and hugged her broad shoulders with desperate strength. His voice was hoarse and rose like the tide of the sea, increasing in intensity:

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…' He managed to whisper from between his own shaking lips.

At first she said nothing and just quietly cried in herself, hugging her shoulders softly. Then the flow of tears slowly stopped and she was quiet again. She lifted her hands to hug Neji back whose arms were draped around her shoulders. She caressed his pained face.

'It's okay.' She whispered, barely audible even in the hot silence of the garden house.

'It's okay.'

-

The dinner after, which wasn't home cooked as Neji had predicted, was more silent than usual. No words were spoken, not between the cousins. In fact, Hinata barely touched her food and just sat toying with it all evening. Hanabi had just gotten back from her tennis practice and she was puzzled by their behaviour, but didn't ask any questions.

When Neji went to bed he considered going by her room to talk to her. He was actually already slowly making his way towards her door when forced himself to an abrupt stop and pressed his back against the wall. She wouldn't want to see him, it broke his heart. There was nothing he could say that would make things alright between them again. Although she had said that it was 'okay', he knew it wasn't. There was something profoundly disturbing about what happened.

It was of course, the fact that they were related. Living in the same house no less. Neji knew it and it hurt everything about him, as if the guilt was doing actual physical harm to him. He hated himself for what he had done. But there was another point of conflict. There was the fact that it had felt not quite like it was supposed to feel. Hinata's soft stomach and wide hips, her large breasts, they had not satisfied him. No, that was a wrong way to say it, they had not been what he had wanted them to be. Hinata was not a boy, so obviously a woman. Maybe that's why it had to be her. Perhaps he had only tested himself.

Neji had to bite his teeth to keep from shouting at himself. He knew what he was doing, and what he'd done, was wrong. There were no excuses. There were no explanations, there were only evil deeds and those who do them. He rushed to the bathroom, a large one that, strangely enough, wasn't used as often as the other four. He stared in the mirror furiously, his grey eyes flashing.

Neji took the pills. They were in a inconspicuous bottle in the little cupboard above the sink. They looked innocent enough. They stabled his moods, kept him from getting too sad, too angry, or too happy for that matter. He used to have to take them daily, when he was a child, but when he grew older the need decreased. They'd been there on the shelf, untouched for months, but now, he wanted them again.

Neji sat on the side of the tub and closed his eyes. He knew what to look for. If they worked, there would be a dull buzzing in his head that would at first be painful, but then later drown out all the other noises and worries until you were left with only that heavenly humming in your brain.

It took a short time for the pills to kick in. Shorter than Neji had expected, in fact, they hit him like a hammer. Maybe he shouldn't have taken so many, or maybe it was because he had stopped taking them for a while. Whatever the reason, he clutched his head between in hands and sat down in the tub. It was nice and cool against his suddenly feverishly hot back. He took his shirt off and closed his eyes so hard that he saw patterns and colours in his brain.

When he opened them again the light was different and Hinata was there in front of him. He knew it to be a trick of his memory though, because she was small and pink, the way she used to be, when she was little. Sometimes they had shared a bath together. He could remember her well. They used to pretend they were aquatic creatures captured and held in the tub. He couldn't remember exactly when they had stopped doing that.

Gradually the pleasant buzz had started to drown out his hearing and his eyes became heavy. He leaned back his head until it rested comfortably against the side, then he slept.

-

The morning woke him with a chill knowing light that paled his face and hurt his eyes. He felt weak and when he tried to stand his knees refused to hold his weight and buckled beneath him. He fell on his hip and his elbow, bruising it painfully.

When walking out of the bathroom he threw a glance in the mirror and was suddenly very scared of his own hollow eyes and bitter mouth. There was nothing on his face but a ghost of what had been there before. When he came down to the kitchen he just saw the back of Hinata's dark head disappear through the front door. It's okay. He wouldn't have wanted to say his face either.

Hanabi was still there, sitting on the counter eating her cereal. She eyed him with her aggressive grey eyes and asked:

'Did you guys have a fight or something?'

Neji scowled but didn't respond. She was already too smart for her 11 years.

Outside, just after his own breakfast, he heard the honking of a horn. It was Tenten, gloriously punctual as usual. She rode her red convertible like the queen she was. Neji got in and kissed his girlfriend on her glossy lips. She smiled, satisfied with herself as she turned and screeched the tires of her car on the way to school.

-

'What's wrong?' Tenten said and tried to sound concerned but all Neji heard was the irritation in her voice.

'It's nothing.' He replied and looked away.

'Neji, look at me, it's something.'

She raised one eyebrow and eyed his crotch with a meaningful glance, to which he said nothing. He closed his eyes again.

'Fuck' He whispered but she didn't hear it, because his hoarse voice was drowned out by her own angry words.

'Whatever, I'm going home then.'

She got up on her knees, her legs were still spread on either side of him. She leaned backward as she put on her bra again. He let her do it, watching from between his lashes her narrow waist as it twisted when she reached for her shirt on his left.

She stood up, her beautiful long legs carried her gracefully as always. He truly couldn't understand the fact why they weren't having sex. She was so perfect. Why couldn't he do it? She was already at the door when she threw one last look at him. (She looked fruitlessly for her panties, but eventually just pulled on her skirt without them.)

'I'm gone Neji. It's not my fault that you're just not trying anymore.' Her eyes were composed and dry.

Her voice wasn't even shaking. She was just stating the truth, direct and sincere. She was right. As always, she was completely in control. Tenten ruled every situation and bested everybody in everything. Neji couldn't have it. He felt just incapable of disappointing her. He got up and quickly stood in front of the door, his hand on the door knob, his body between hers and the exit. She looked at him with fierce, daring, brown eyes.

'What?'

'I can.' Is all he said but his eyes where frightfully determined.

She looked confused for a second, not sure whether what she meant was the same as what he was saying. But then her perfect lips twisted into that little derogatory half smile of hers and Neji took his chance.

'Are you gon-'

He cut her off violently with a kiss that wasn't really loving but explicit. He was passionate, but not about her, just about showing her. His hands moved up her back with a clawing desperation, up to her neck about which he curled his fingers, pressing slightly, the way he knew she loved. Tenten moved her feet backward but instead Neji threw her against the door and pulled up her shirt again. It almost ripped. She held up her arms, either to let the shirt slide of her more easily or to protect herself from hurt. It wasn't really clear to her. She was caught of guard and awfully helpless.

Neji picked her up by her legs and dropped her on the bed beneath him that protested under their communal weight. He pressed himself down between her knees and bit at her neck. She breathed loudly and there was some kind of noise on her tongue that she had emitted without being able to stop it. She'd finally made up her mind about the whole ordeal and grabbed his head up to her face and kissed his mouth harshly. When she wanted too, Tenten could be very spirited.

-

It was very early in the morning. His blinds were closed and his room was drenched in darkness. Beside him Tenten lay softly breathing and her hair was loose, cascading down the white pillow. He looked at her and felt a strange tightness in his chest. It laboured his breathing and threatened to grow, to the point where he felt like he was choking. He got out of bed as silently as he could and pulled on some clothes.

He meant to go one floor down, where his mother kept sleeping pills in the bathroom cupboard, but he stopped abruptly in the hallway when he heard something. There was someone in the bathroom. He heard retching and then the sound of something splashing in the toilet bowl. Of course he should have know by now, but his mind was sluggish from sleep still, and he made for the closed door.

When he opened it there was Hinata, dressed in a top as white as her face, and looking at him with large, anxious eyes. Neji stopped immediately and threw down his eyes violently, as if he had disturbed something infinitely intimate.

'I'm sorry.' He said and meant to close the door again when Hinata replied.

'That's okay, stay.' Her voice quivered, but was solid enough to convince him to stay.

He closed the door behind him and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. The lights were off, but everything was bathed in a grey sort of visibility. Hinata looked a him shyly and then, with awkward movement bent down over the tap to rinse her mouth. When she stood up again she didn't look at him directly but inspected her hands with an embarrassed blush on her cheeks.

'Are you sick?' Neji asked, who thought of himself as a clever guy and had managed to link the sounds from before and the smell that filled his nostrils now.

Hinata shook her head immediately.

Then what?'

She bit her lip and looked at the wall, through which there was the cold light of morning seeping in. It illumined her face which suddenly looked hollow and sad. Her eyes were almost transparent in the light.

'No Neji I'm not sick, and you aren't either, so I don't know why you started taking those pills again.' She said in a soft voice that nevertheless shocked him with determination.

She looked at him and took his face in her warm, dry hands. He met her eyes and there he saw something like pity, but more like compassion. There was also concern, and love above all. Love. He smiled a watery smile at her but didn't speak his mind. Hinata sat down next to him, with just their shoulders touching. They were quiet for a long while before Hinata finally broke the silence again.

'That time in the garden house, you weren't wearing protection were you?'

Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she looked at her arm in the pale blue light.

'No.'

'I figured.' She said and she carefully parted the bangs that hung over her forehead with her hand, closing her eyes and curving her mouth in a bitter smile.

'You want to know why I've been puking every morning for the last couple of weeks?'

Neji's eyes widened with realisation. He had been a fool not to notice. Not to even consider. Her was a selfish, spoilt fool.

'Are you…?' He said and glanced at her stomach, he couldn't finish his sentence.

She looked at him with that strange look of pity, compassion and sadness again and nodded her head slowly.

'What are we going to do?'

'I don't know.' Her voice broke.

'I don't know.'

Pearly tears spilled finally over her round cheeks and drew silver patterns before dropping of her chin and dampening her top. Neji had never felt so horribly guilty in his life.

-

She fell asleep against his shoulder after she had stopped crying gradually. He stayed awake, partly because he had to support her weight with his own body and partly because couldn't have slept even if he had lain in his bed. He felt strangely lucid in his head. It was like he was breathing different air. Some things had been slowly dawning on him as the sun rose higher in the sky and the light went from cold blue to a pale yellow.

If they did nothing, if they let it be, in a few months time Hinata's stomach would be swollen. And in even more months time he'd have a child. _They'd _actually have a child. He had difficulty imagining himself as a father, or even his aunt and uncle as grandparents. He thought about his own childhood and suddenly remembered how he'd never really known his mother, who'd died before he was four, and how his father had died not even a year later. He felt a little sad now. He would have liked to ask them for their advice. He would have liked to hug them or shout at them, anything.

Of one thing he was mildly sure. Hinata wouldn't tell her parents. She was the kind of girl who kept her own secrets, passionately. Her past actions had only proved that. When Neji was first adopted by his aunt and uncle he remembered having been surprised about how they treated their daughter. Back then they had still been strangers to him. They were never really cruel to Hinata, not explicitly, not in her face. They were masters of insinuating the worst though. Neji had realised before she had, because he was a year older, how they were damaging her. Still he had never really done anything about it. Should he have? Then would Hinata have told her parents? Wasn't it shameful? Could she actually live with the fact that her cousin's offspring was growing inside of her?

Neji shuddered. He didn't want to think about that. He knew how guilty he was already. He knew how much he was to blame. He would help her. If not, he'd die.

-

The same bathroom. The same pale, morning light, only this time Hinata's eyes were open. She was very much awake.

'Will it work?' She asked him in a tiny, timid voice, though there was something in her eyes that told him she was going to do it regardless.

Neji took the little bottle of pills out of the cupboard and inspected the label. After a few seconds he founds what he was looking for and pointed it out to Hinata, who sat with her hands in her lap on the side of the bathtub. He didn't say a words, there was no need for him to show his concern for it was already apparent enough in everything he did. He was sweating in his shirt and his hands itched.

Hinata took the little bottle and tried to twist open the lid, but she couldn't make her shaking fingers grip it right. She laughed self-consciously and held it out to Neji, muttering a nervous 'sorry'. Her cousin took it again and twisted the lid off with equally unsteady fingers.

'How many do you think I should take?' She asked him.

He shook his head, shrugged his shoulder but opened his mouth and stammered:

'I usually take two.'

Hinata nodded her head and turned the bottle, dropping two pills on her palm, and then hesitated. Of course that meant nothing to her. She wasn't taking the pills for emotional stability, or even to treat a headache.

'Twelve should do it?'

It sounded like a question. Neji couldn't reply so she shook out a couple more pills until the bottle was half empty.

'That's a bit more than twelve.' He muttered and she looked up at him immediately.

He couldn't read her face, though there may have been something accusing in her eyes and on her mouth. She held the pills to her lips and threw back her head as she swallowed them. Three times to empty her hand. Neji passed her the glass of water he had been so uncomfortably holding. It was sticky with the sweat from his hands.

She sighed and closed her eyes. Slowly she slid back and took place in the tub, her elbow hung over the edge and she rested her chin on it, staring at nothing in particular.

'What's it supposed to feel like?' She whispered.

'Everything gets sort of cloudy and there's a humming in your brain. It's not unpleasant. But that's, I mean, I've never…'

'Taken so many. I know. Sorry.'

'Don't be.' Neji said directly after. It was still his fault, hearing her apologise was just disgusting.

He sat down in front of her, in the tub as well. She looked at him sadly, and pulled at the grey top she was wearing. Her legs were bare, there were Goosebumps on her skin. Neji saw it and, after a moment of hesitation, caressed them with his hands. Carefully he looked at her again and now there was a smile on her face, gentle and forgiving. She closed her eyes and sighed again.

'I think it's working.'

Then, suddenly she frowned, drawing frightful lines on her white forehead, knitting her dark, full eyebrows. The corners of her mouth pulled downward.

'Is it supposed…to hurt…like this?'

Neji sat up immediately and bent over to hold her round, beautiful face in his hands.

'It's okay' He said breathlessly but he wasn't even convincing himself.

He was scared. He was scared shitless.

'Auw.' Hinata moaned and she leaned forward to rest her head between her knees.

Neji felt her burning up under his palm, hot and fast, like a kettle on the stove. He jumped out of the tub quickly, and franticly searched the tiny room for a towel to wet. When he'd finally found one Hinata's insistent moaning had become a steady sound in the background. He held the towel under the tap and jumped back in the tub, behind her this time. He took her in his arms and rocked her slowly as he placed the towel around her head. She was still hot. It wouldn't go down. The drops that slid down her back and arms dampened his shirt. Both of them shivered together. Hinata clung to him, desperately. He couldn't see her eyes but they were dazed. The clear grey had turned dull and unfocused, the white around her iris was all covered with tiny lines of red. She couldn't stop the shaking in her hands as she started to scratch her skin.

Neji's grip on her tightened, he clutched her almost painfully.

'Shit, No!' He swore and felt his eyes tear up.

'No!'

As if screaming would help him now. At worst it would wake his aunt and uncle or his cousin. Then what would he do? How could he possibly explain what was happening. Neji was pulled back to harsh reality, demanding his attention, when Hinata whined in the most pathetic voice he had ever heard her speak in:

'Neji, I can't see. Help me! I can't see. Everything is blurry.'

Her broken voice finally released the sobbing that stuck in his throat. He murmured in her ear between panicked breaths and pauses, nothing that made sense, just things that would occupy his mind, anything to keep from thinking about how this whole thing may end. She was still shaking, more violently now, in such a way that her crying had almost stopped. Her lungs were aching with the exercise but now the pain was somewhere else and it was freaking her out. She heard Neji say sweet nothings into her ear, felt his breath on the side of her face; He was saying about how they used to do this all the time, sit in the bath together. He told her he loved her, numerous times.

To Neji it felt like forever, sitting there with his cousin in his arms, holding them together with just the sound of his voice and the strength in his arms. Both of them were almost in a trance. Hinata had closed her eyes, her breathing was shallow. She had gone over that edge, beyond what she was capable of. Her consciousness was slowly slipping from her as everything around her grew darker and darker, more quiet.

The last she felt was the horrible pain in her chest and stomach, the strain of the muscles in her limbs, and the warm wetness that spilled out of her.

Neji felt her go suddenly limp against his chest and felt suddenly so incredibly afraid. Never in his life had he felt this kind of mindless, choking fear before. A feeling that struck him like a physical punch in the guts. Then he felt the warm water against his thighs and feet. He first thought the tap was on but when he looked down he discovered that it was red. It was blood.

Neji swore, and actually, though subconsciously, screamed Hinata's name in her ear. He got up out of the tub jumped in again, in front of her, feeling how his shorts stuck to his skin uncomfortably. His hands hovered over the motionless form of his cousin. Her head was back, resting against the edge and she was drenched in sweat and water from the towel, and now the blood that gently seeped from between her thighs. He opened the tap and let the water drain the blood, not realising how much noise he was making. She was all he could think about: Hinata and how she would not stop bleeding.

He took her face between his hands, her skin a deathly shade of white, her forehead still wrinkled as if she were thinking very hard about something. Her wet black hair stroked her cheeks but he wiped the bangs out of her face and desperately told her to wake up. He leaned above her and picked her up, she was heavy in his arms and he fell down painfully on his knees, refusing to let slip her body even for a second.

It was then, in the midst of his heartfelt sobbing and pointless screaming that the door opened and the worried faces of his aunt and uncle peered in, and behind them, Hanabi. They started to scream.

-

Everything apart from some things that happened afterwards Neji suppressed from his mind. He did remember taking Hanabi roughly by the shoulder though and pulling her away from the sight of her sister, blood-soaked and looking more dead than alive in the bathtub. He also remembered specifically not looking at the bloody mess left by her. He didn't want to know. The ambulance came and picked her up in what had to be the worst 15 minutes of his life. His uncle rinsed out the tub, in quiet shock. His aunt held Hanabi close in her arms on the couch, next to Neji who was still shaking and couldn't stop.

It was still an hour before the sun was well up in the sky, and still many hours after that when they finally received a call from the hospital, informing them that yes, her condition was stable, and that they could come and wait until she woke up. It had been a close call, the doctors told them, and asked whether they had any questions. None were asked but Neji saw his aunt and uncle swap serious glances and he knew exactly what they were thinking. His uncle had to fill out some forms and after an entire day of waiting for Hinata to wake up, his aunt sent him and Hanabi home. She promised to call if there'd be any news.

At home they ate cereal from the box and were quiet most of the time. Hanabi disappeared at one point in the evening, having gone to bed by herself. Neji too retreated and slept heavily and dreamlessly until the soft rays of the sun and the insistent ringing of the phone woke him up again. It was his aunt. Hinata had woken up some time in the night and they could come to see her if they wanted.

So it happened that early in the morning Neji was speeding through the hospital corridors with Hanabi's hand clenched tightly in his. He had only a vague idea of where he was going, but when he saw his uncle stand outside the door to one of the rooms on his left he knew it was fine.

Inside the room everything was white and warm, strangely calm after the previous days. Neji's aunt was sitting on a chair in the corner, her hands uncomfortably in her lap and she actually looked a little relieved at the intrusion.

'I'll leave you alone with her for a second.'

Neji nodded in her direction but it was impossible for him to rip his eyes away from Hinata's. She looked so frail and sick, surrounded by those white sheets and those white walls. But she smiled. Neji rushed forward and sat down in the chair his aunt had just left, though he reached forward and grabbed her hand. Hanabi came forward as well, calm and in control. She hugged her sister and kissed her cheeks.

'Good morning.' Hinata said.

So different her voice sounded, now that Neji had heard it ripped and broken, crying her lungs out. He appreciated it more.

'How are you?' Hanabi asked.

They talked for a while, light-hearted. They acted as if nothing was wrong. Neji felt his palms sweating already and he pulled his hand free of Hinata's.

'Hanabi, will you get us some water please? Or soup or coffee or something?' He asked.

She looked at him with those clever, knowing eyes of her and for a second her mouth pulled to the side a bit, the way that it always did when she wanted to say something obvious. Of course she realised that he wanted to talk to her sister alone. She hesitated. Neji had not been himself lately. But then Hinata touched her arm with feathery fingers.

'It's okay.'

She left. Neji didn't know what to do with himself so he grabbed her arm again and told her the first thing that came up in his mind.

'I'm sorry.'

'Stop' Hinata replied immediately, cutting him off.

She looked at him stern and wise. She wouldn't have it. Neji almost felt like breaking down again. Why wouldn't she scream at him? Why wasn't she angry? He'd rather have her shouting and cursing than this eternal forgiveness of hers. He had completely desecrated her.

'Why won't you let me talk?'

'Because I don't need to hear it. I know why you did what you did, I don't care for apologies or explanations.'

Neji was awestruck. Hinata smiled again and took his face in her warm hands.

'I'm stronger than you think. You didn't hurt me.'

Her voice quivered It sounded truthful enough but some might have said that Hinata only told herself this because she wanted to believe it herself. Whatever the case, they didn't speak of it again. Hinata never told her parents what happened in the bathroom, although they made their own conclusions and praised Neji for his noble behaviour, keeping the secret for their sister and helping her. They cursed her however, for being a whore, and knowing no shame or self-respect. They punished her severely.

Hinata could never leave the house again without telling her parents exactly where she was going. She was forbidden to stay with friends and often was forced to stay after school for extra class. The pony, which she had gotten when she was seven years old, was given to her sister.

Neji however could keep going to swim classes. He could stay out however long he wanted. He could have everything and people always adored him. He could never look his aunt and uncle in the eye again. The was always the guilt gnawing at his heart, and even Hanabi seemed to look at him with scorn in her grey eyes. He felt like he was living one big lie and it exhausted him. It all just seemed to build up inside him, the lust, tension, guilt and secrets, until that day when he bumped into Naruto in the hallway and he exploded.

He could finally be uncivil. Release the monsters in his heart. For once he _could_ be honest and every punch given and taken took some of the pain away.

**-**

**Jeez. I surprise myself. It's like I have this list of trauma and despair and I'm just crossing of topics. I think I managed to cover incest, rape, abusive relationships and drug-abuse. I think alcohol poisoning and cancer is next. This should be fun...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 10_

-

He comes to school every morning, always casually late. Nobody dares to say anything about it. He's got everyone eating out of the palm of his hand. He's handsome, clever, popular. He's got everything.

Naruto sees him arrive every morning because he gets up earlier than everybody else to catch the bus. There is something about him which is alluring, he admits. There is something in those beautiful grey eyes that seems wild and dangerous, that people want to tame. Maybe people shouldn't count on Neji as much as they do. He is unpredictable, like a untamed animal. Still, he draws you in. With that downward tilt of his mouth that gives his face a look of intense thoughtfulness, and the way he moves his long body like an athlete. Apparently he's a swimmer.

'Morning.'

Naruto wakes from his reverie and looks up into eyes deep and black and very much his own.

'Oh, good morning.'

Sasuke looks where Naruto just pulled his eyes away from and makes something of a scowl and a smirk together.

'Where you looking at him?'

'No, he's just…'

'In your direct line of sight. Yeah, I get it.'

Sasuke waits for Naruto to gather his stuff but just when he's about to leave Neji bumps into him, hard and deliberate. Sasuke turns towards him with a look of shocked indignation on his face. No one has ever treated him like that. Neji turns halfway and throws them the nastiest look he can manage.

'Fag.' he mutters to his friends, just hard enough for him to hear.

Their harsh laughter is drowned out by the heavy pulse of Sasuke's heart in his head. What the fuck?! He turns to Naruto with eyes wide with shock.

'Was he….?'

'The one with the silver car.' Naruto answers in a grave voice. It doesn't affect him so much, he grew up having the term flung a t him constantly. He does, however, understand why to Sasuke it's new. Hell, at their last school, Sasuke was Neji. Looks, brains and attitude. He wasn't very agreeable then either.

_Not much has changed. _

Naruto immediately scowls and smacks his head mentally. He can't think that way. He's wrong. Things have changed, he's changed. There is a part of him now capable of love, and it is this part of him exactly that he never wants to lose.

-

The abuse continues, gradually to a point where they're not even trying to be creative anymore and they just become clichés. Pictures in their lockers, names, pushing. It has a different effect on both of them. Naruto withdraws himself into his mind. He grows slowly less bright, like a star that is gently burning up. Other people notice because they've never known him to be anything else but happy. They've never seen the lonely him at all.

Sasuke just loses his mind. When they meet after school and he's in a bad mood still, he's aggressive, and hurts the wrong people. He's also terribly sad sometimes, to the point where he can't speak, can only shiver. There's also grown something distrustful in his eyes. Every time he looks at Naruto there's doubt and silent anger, like he blames him.

He's paranoid again.

-

It started with that, the painful looks. Naruto is sure of it. There's never really been a problem between them like the one there is now. As long as they've been like together they've always _wanted _each other. So when, for the first time Sasuke doesn't respond to his advances, Naruto freezes.

'What?' He asks.

He sits back on his knees. They're in his bedroom. Iruka is outside, doing farm-related work. Sasuke is by the door and he leans on the wall as he pushes Naruto away.

'I don't want to.'

There's a silence after that, heavy with Naruto's shock and indignation. It is in this brief period of time where he contemplates how Neji has made things different for them. He thought they would be strong, last through the ages. He thought, the moment he saw the silver car speed away, that it wouldn't matter to them.

'What's wrong with you?' He tries to hide the hurt in his voice but of course he can't, not completely, he wears his heart on his sleeve.

Sasuke looks at him with the anger that has, over the past few days, become frighteningly familiar to him.

'Just because I don't want to fuck, there's a problem with me?'

He sounds pissed as hell and his eyes narrow.

'No. Of course not. But that's not the problem is it? It's not that you don't feel like it, it's something else.'

Sasuke stays quiet for exactly two second in which he looks at him with the most scornful eyes, and Naruto feels himself die a little inside.

'Don't flatter yourself.'

He pushes awkwardly violent passed him and jerks open the door. He starts to walk down the stairs with angry, hasty steps. It only takes moment for Naruto to realise, then he rushes after him and the blood in his body feels like a hundred degrees. There are words inside his chest that he has to scream. He's never been this terribly angry and hurt before.

'Fuck you Sasuke, you coward. I'm not stupid, I know you're scared!'

His voice is loud and clear in the hallway. He doesn't care that Iruka might hear.

'They're not supposed to matter. We should **be **together!'

This last thing he breathes with absolute conviction. This is his religion. Sasuke turns slowly and his face is dark now. Dark with emotion, anger and pain and fierce determination. He opens his mouth to speak but his voice is more like the growl of an animal driven into a little corner.

'It's wrong, Naruto. Stop lying to yourself.'

It's not the words that get him, he's never been much for words, it's the bitter tone. There's a part of his brain that screams at him to wake up, because this is a nightmare. No way in hell, would the real Sasuke speak those words as he did, with such belief in them.

'YOU STOP LYING!' Naruto screams, hoarse and his voice breaks in the most pitiful manner.

Sasuke walks down the stairs. His dark head disappears around the corner and all that is left now is this pathetic little heap of Naruto who cries and breaks over and over again as he repeats Sasuke's words inside his head. _It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong…_

He hears the door open and the footsteps leave. He sits on the stairs and hugs his shoulders, choking on his sobs. Then, just after the door closes, he hears it open again and Iruka's concerned face appears at the corner. He mutters something at once, and rushes forward to throw his hands about the boy. They sit there like that, on the rough wood, and Naruto shakes as he tries desperately to hold himself together, he doesn't want anybody to see him like this. Iruka rocks him in his arms, awkwardly but with more sincerity than Naruto has received these past few weeks.

-

It's not that Naruto believes him of course. (Though sometimes, when the night is dark and he feels especially small he considers it might have been the truth.) Sasuke loves him. Of that tiny thing he's sure. It's just that, even though he might wish it, it does not take the pain away. Naruto has been disillusioned, and he's never known just how incredibly discouraging that feels.

He had faith in love, absolute and undeniable, (blames Haku for that, partly). He felt indestructible. But as he discovered lately, love is not the all-powerful force of nature he thought it to be. In fact, he's shocked to find how quickly and easily his love turned to hate, and frankly, it scares him. What he doesn't know is that in his case, love and hate go hand in hand. Just because he hates Sasuke does not mean he doesn't love him. The two aren't opposites. Far from it.

Still, in the days after the cruel words were said and the tears were cried, on both sides, although Naruto doesn't know that either, he feels so incredibly abandoned it stings.

-

The day comes that it's Monday again and Naruto, who has lain awake for half the night, refuses to drag himself out of bed for that prick. The curtains remain drawn and the refreshing morning light is refused entry. It beats at the windows with aggressive brightness. It's a headache waiting to happen. Naruto is aching enough, thank you very much.

Iruka comes in and sits on the side of his bed for a while. He rubs his back and gently tells him to get up, and without actually saying it: that it's okay, that the pain will pass. It is clear to Naruto now that Iruka has known about them for a long time. He hardly cares anymore. What others think does not really affect him. There's just that one person who still has the power to harm him with words, and that person has betrayed him already.

In the end he does find the strength to lift himself out of bed, because Naruto just wouldn't be Naruto if not for that foolish, rock solid belief he has 'in better days to come'.

The morning passes in a dull throb that stings tenaciously at Naruto's brain. There's just the heat in his heart and in his stomach that burns his face and just makes him want to scream and punch things, one in particular. Of course he can't concentrate. What are they thinking, trying to teach him how to read graphs and such?

Things would have gone fine probably, painful but without breakouts, if not for what happens at lunch. Naruto sits apart, preferring to stare a hole into the wall than sit and pretend to be jolly with people that aren't even _his _friends. When he finishes his lunch, (he doesn't really eat it, just pokes at it, smashing, cutting and tearing stuff) he walks quickly past Sasuke's table, heading for the exit.

Sasuke holds out his hand and grabs his arm with clammy, determined fingers. He looks up at him and there's a strange mixture a doubt, longing and irritation in his eyes.

'Sit down here.' He says.

Naruto stops without really wanting to and looks down. He feels entirely caught and curses the way his voice will quiver if he speaks now. He curses himself for being such a weak sissy, for how he had to stop because frankly, he could never look away from those eyes. Maybe it's this rage at himself that drives him to say the following words, because he can't really remember thinking about it.

'I thought we were through Sasuke. Thought you never wanted to see me again. Because we were wrong, remember?'

Sasuke rips his arms back and glues it to his side. Now he only looks at him with an accusing angry glare, while he becomes painfully aware of the attention they're receiving.

'Don't be stupid.' He mumbles, but he doesn't sound so convincing.

Immediately after he says that Naruto kisses him, just there, on the lips. He leans forwards and just does it, in front of everyone and no one, because in the end, nobody else really matters. The kiss is right, soft but undeniable. It takes maybe one second. Then he leans back again and pulls his hands back from Sasuke's shoulders, at his side.

'I _am _stupid Sasuke. I'm a fucking moron, still believing in you…'

And then he's gone, walked briskly away through the exit. And everyone is watching, and the entire table is silent. Sasuke burns up like a volcano about to erupt. Suddenly he can't keep his hands from shaking and he'd rather die than make eye contact with anyone. So, maybe five seconds after Naruto's sudden departure, he jumps from his seat and runs after him. Which proves he isn't thinking because what will they think now? The others that matter so much to Sasuke.

-

'What the **FUCK **did you do that for?'

Naruto turns halfway in the empty corridor but doesn't stop walking.

'I felt like it. I didn't want to pretend anymore.' His voice is pure and he sounds gloriously untroubled.

'Well did you think about me? What am I going to say?'

This time Naruto stops, and there appears something of a malicious half smile on his face that completely twists his features and gives him something evil and vulpine.

'Woops! Well, I guess that it's not my problem anymore. We're done, right?'

Sasuke is, to say the least, shocked beyond comprehension. He feels like shit, mainly because he knows that what he sees in front of him, he helped create. He searches for words to harm him, his only retort, but he chokes on them even before they leave his lips.

Naruto watches him struggle with devilish glee. He's almost laughing. Then he steps forward until he stops right in front of him and put his hand tenderly against the back of Sasuke neck.

'Hurts, doesn't it? When somebody you care about screws you over.' He whispers with a voice that can't really be his, it's just too cruel.

-

Outside it is not as warm as usual, and dark. There's a cloud the size of an entire continent threatening to suffocate the sky and drown the earth. Naruto's breath is jagged and painful. He's smiling but for some reason it hurts, and it doesn't feel like regular smiling anyway.

He hopes Sasuke won't come after him. It took all his strength. He's never known that being mean can exhaust you so. Then, by the bus stop, there's a figure waiting for him, that's how it looks.

From a distance he can see that it's Neji. His long hair tied back in that perfectly achieved casual ponytail whips around in the howling wind. For a second Naruto stops and then, he forces himself to walk again. He's not afraid. Neji looks at him and there's a smile on his perfect face.

Neji glories in other people's misery, this one in particular, because now, he can get what he wants.

'He sure dropped you easily.'

Naruto glares at him with fierce blue eyes, but he can't say anything back, because it's the absolute truth and he knows it.

'Were you worth that little to him then? What do say?' Neji demands his opinion.

'It's over now. It doesn't matter.' Naruto says.

'Damn right it's over. Who's going to want you now? I mean, he's not really right in the head either, but you royally fucked up for yourself in there.'

Naruto sits down on the bench and clenches his fists by his sides so that Neji can't see them. He looks at the ground.

'What were you trying to prove?'

'Why are you talking to me!?' Naruto shouts at him, and there's a part of the stress and desperation in his voice that finds vent from when he was talking to Sasuke.

Neji lifts his eyebrows to his hairline and tilts back his head, as if he's seriously thinking.

'Look,' He takes a step closer to Naruto, stands right in front of him now, and there's something different about the way he just moved, something sensual.

'Things like that are supposed to stay secret. He understood but you're just so damn slow… But now you destroyed everything.

Naruto stands up and thrusts his hands into his pockets. Fuck the heavy rain to come, he'll walk home.

-

Sasuke stands there for a long time, in that empty hallway with just Naruto's stabbing words there and his empty presence. He doesn't think about going back. He leaves, immediately, for home. He shuts his eyes on the bus, hard, and tries his best not to think about Sakura, or the others. It comes to a surprise to him that he doesn't have to struggle hard. His mind is elsewhere, equally, if not more, unpleasant. All he thinks about is him, and how now he's lost. How is he ever going to continue on without him, not as a lover, and not as a friend.

-

There's a faint knock on the door, it's Sakura, dressed in pink shorts and white t-shirt with a print. She comes in and settles next to him on the carpet. She hugs one of her knees and inspects the opposite wall.

Sasuke turns his head back to the magazine he was reading, only not really, because he can't concentrate enough. He was flipping through the pages.

'Sasuke?'

'Mmm?'

She breathes in sharply and leans forward to kiss his cheek, then reaches out towards him and grabs his hand, the one that was turning the pages in the magazine, she places it resolutely on her breast. Sasuke looks up surprised, he looks at his hand as if to make sure that it's real. Her breast is soft and hard at the same time, firm, this is the first time that he touched a girl like that. As was expected, it doesn't do anything for him. Except that he suddenly feels fucking angry with himself right now.

His eyes make contact with Sakura's and again he's surprised, there is no doubt in her eyes. She wants to help him? Her other hand starts moving slowly, she touches his knee.

Sasuke pulls away his hand and places it where it was before. He tears away his gaze and fixes it on the pages of the magazine again but he's not reading.

'Why don't you go out with Lee? You know he would never do anything to upset you.' He says.

Besides him Sakura sighs. She plays with the carpet and furrows her brow. Maybe she's hurt? Most likely she's just confused.

'I want to help you get better.'

'I'm not sick.' Sasuke replies immediately. (Isn't he? He's puzzled. What does he believe?)

She smiles.

'You're so certain.'

Then she gets up again and wipes at the imaginary wrinkles in her shorts.

'Will you forget what just happened?'

'What happened?'

'Thanks' She says as she smiles again, gratefully.

'I've got some thinking to do.' With those words she leaves, closing the door behind her softly.

-

Not only Sakura has got thinking to do, Sasuke does as well. He might have vague idea of why the girl behaved as she did. Maybe he does know, but he doesn't really regard it as his business. He is lonesome by nature. He doesn't like to involve himself in other people's issues, nor when they involve themselves in his.

But there's something bugging him. Why didn't he take what Sakura was offering? Wasn't it what he wanted? Wasn't it the exact reason why he broke with Naruto.

He sighs and opens his eyes to the darkness of his room. Outside the heavy heat is leaning on the house in the hot night. He can't sleep. Most things are quiet, more so than in the city, but still there's noise. Sasuke longs for a place where everything is still. Truly peaceful. Though there's a part of him that says he wouldn't be able to appreciate that, tranquillity. He's never happy with anything. In a way he's like a spoiled child, never grateful. That's a trait he should have picked up from Naruto, if he weren't so goddamn stubborn.

-

In the end Naruto seems to come out as the absolute loser. The incident in the cafeteria has shocked everybody, but, for some reason, it's like a big secret that everybody's in on. It's a silent knowing, disgust. To most, Sasuke is a victim, and he himself doesn't know how to handle that. Most of the time he just feels hot and uncomfortable and sort of shaky when it does come up.

Naruto is ignored. In fact, 'the silent treatment' seems to have been reinvented just to suit his case. No one speaks to him. Not even the teachers, who may have picked up on it, or who just feel that there's something wrong with him. The pack ignores him, so do they.

So Naruto, sweet as he is, focuses himself entirely on his work. He helps out Iruka to the best of his abilities. He gets up early and does all the jobs that nobody wants to do. Iruka has doubts now, about hiring a second help. He feels bad for Naruto, no, worse, he knows his sorrow, but he appreciates the help. His schoolwork is lacking though. Homework and such is made, but Naruto's never been the brainy type, and he needs help. Sasuke used to tutor him, but that's over now.

Naruto's looking for a job. He finds that even though he works like crazy all day, doing meaningless chores, he still keeps enough time to sit still and think. If there's anything he doesn't want to do, it's think. He wants to float through life and avoid pain as much as possible. He wants a blur, a slow, steady throbbing that can be ignored if it's there long enough. He can deal with that sort of pain. He'd rather not deal with the sharp sting of memory.

Now he works late, hauling boxes and crates in the local supermarket. It's already dark and everybody left, but the pay is actually quite good, and heavy lifting is good for distracting his thoughts. It's dark outside and in the storage department there's only the sound of the generator and the air-conditioning.

He's almost done for the evening, tired and hungry. His back is strained and his arms are heavy. He finishes up, flicks off the lights and stands for a moment, his eyes closed in the humming silence. It's warm. Summer is approaching. School is almost over and then he'll be free for a couple of weeks. Iruka's not going anywhere. He never really takes a holiday, but with the money he's made, Naruto could go somewhere. Hitch-hike across the country. Maybe he'll just leave.

Outside the breeze is a little chilly, and Naruto isn't wearing a jacket. He huddles inside his sweater and tries to drift off to an almost sleep while he walks home. It's working. The sound of the cars driving past him blurs, as do their bright lights. All he sees is the dark of the night and the bright orange, red and yellow stripes of the cars that screech past him. It all dulls and lulls him more and more to sleep.

At hand grips his arm. Naruto awakes from his daze instantly and swings his body around. It's Neji with a cigarette in his other hand and a strange meaningful look in his eyes.

'You.' Naruto says.

His eyes flit around, looking for danger, an ambush maybe. It wouldn't be the first time. He's actually gotten pretty quick, good at running away, good at taking punches. Tonight though, he feels like crap and all he really wants is to be at home, in his bed (with someone's arms around him maybe).

'What?'

Neji looks at him again, and his eyes are glossy and luminous in the dark. He looks over his shoulder. There are the shiny lights of a bar down the street. They can hear the heavy music and smell the liquor. Some other people are standing outside as well, most with the glowing end of a cigarette floating in their hands. He can't see clearly though, it's too dark.

'How are you?' Neji asks.

'Is this a joke?'

He's quiet, there's nothing on his face that gives him away. He's wearing the mask again.

'It's not a joke. Where are you going?'

'Home.' Naruto responds, not sure whether it was right to say, he doesn't trust him.

'I'll walk with you.' Neji says and he's already put out the cigarette with his foot.

Naruto doesn't get a choice. The other boy walks in front of him, his hands in his pockets and he looks over his shoulder again with that gleam in his eye. Naruto follows. The city is slowly falling behind them and the lights are fading. There are more trees, more pieces of grass. They come to second path that crosses the road and it occurs to Naruto that Neji must live there, on the left side. That's where all the big houses are.

He stops.

'Are you miserable, Naruto?' It's the first time he's said his name.

Naruto doesn't know what to say. Of course he is. He struggles with the words. He wants to make it sound reasonable somehow, as if it's nothing he can't handle. He wants to appear strong. His lips part and he tries to say the words but they're caught in a dry, forceful kiss.

It's Neji who has taken that last step that parted them and has pressed his mouth against his in a deliberate manner. He's very real and very tall. The minute they break apart Naruto knows that this isn't something he can ignore. This is something very secret and dangerous and frankly, he wants nothing to do with it.

The tension lingers. Neji doesn't seem to feel the need to break it. He looks at him and at once Naruto recognised the thing in his eyes, called lust. He wonders why. Why him, why this way.

'You're gay.' He says, there's something of surprise in his voice, something shrill and ironic.

'You're dead if you tell anyone.' Neji replies.

It's weird. Even though Naruto has got something on Neji now, it doesn't seem to matter. Usually, when you know a secret about somebody, you have a certain amount of power over them, not with Neji. He still has that wild thing about him, he's no less powerful now than he was before.

Neji kisses him again, and this time his hands go up to his face and he presses him backwards. Naruto almost loses his balance. He shocked to see the desire and the want on a face that normally doesn't show any. He doesn't know what to think of it. He's still full with the kiss. He liked it. It has been a long time since anybody last desired him. Maybe this means that it's not over for him yet, if there are still people out there that want him.

Neji takes him home wordlessly. They follow the overgrown path, hedges on both sides until the stately mansion appears in front of them. It's all quiet. In his bedroom they make love, and Neji's a little clumsy about it. It's not all that nice for Naruto, but the touches and the kisses do him good. He's missed contact. He's been starved of it and now he'll take anything.


	11. Chapter 11

**Pull The Trigger**

_Chapter 11_

-

Naruto comes home when it's already early in the morning. The sun is just about to rise and the air is wonderful and cool. The breeze clears his mind and right now he can't believe what he did a few hours before. He can't very well blame the heat, or even Neji's gleaming eyes, that would be an excuse, that would be lying.

He walks up the courtyard and avoids looking at the barn which must be just a dark outline against a blazing sky of fire and gold right now. He hesitates before going inside the house. He's filled with the very normal and teenage fear of being caught by Iruka, sneaking in a five in the morning. See, he's not all alien, he's just a boy.

In his room he pulls of his shoes with his eyes closed and falls down on the bed with a long sigh. He sleeps almost instantly.

-

It's almost noon, gym-class, and the summer sun is burning straight overhead. Naruto runs laps just like the other boys in his class. Sometimes he casts longing glances at the players in the middle field, they're playing baseball. While one of the teams sits on the ground and laughs and looks at sky and one by one try and hit the ball, the other team stands aimlessly in the field, hands at their sides, waiting for a ball to bounce their way per chance.

His teacher is a fucking ass for making them run laps in this weather, Naruto thinks. He can barely feel his legs and his eyes are ablaze with a white-hot pain. He hasn't been sleeping properly.

In front of him, because he's lagging behind which is not usually the case, he sees and hears people talking between their breaths. He knows the whispers are all about him. He's careless.

Sasuke has lapped him already and is well out of sight and Neji is playing baseball. Naruto feels a little foolish at times. This whole situation is like some funny movie, him trying to hide his relation with the two people who hate each other the most. It sounds cliché, he could write it down and get it published. This drama in his life is not at all what he wanted. He misses everything. Giving in though would be bad, weak, and Naruto has decided that he wasn't going to be weak anymore days ago, when he picked himself together.

He tries not to think about him anymore. It's working fine, better than he thought it would. That makes him sad again. What will it take for him to forget entirely? Does he want to?

A pain explodes on his nose and he is brutally brought back to reality for a second before he falls backwards on his head and loses it again.

When he wakes up from the blackness, he's only to be blinded again by a violently blue sky. Around him are the curious and shocked and amused faces of those who've seen him get hit by the baseball, and those who haven't, but who'll hear the story in a minute.

Naruto brings his hand up to his face and feels the stickiness. He looks at his fingers and discovers that his nose is spouting blood like a geyser.

'Fuck.' He manages to say, with his hand hovering in front of his face, tasting the bitter substance.

His nose hurts too much to touch. The audience breathes a sigh of relief and disappointment as they discover that everything is fine. His sports teacher wrestles through the crowd and looks at him with an awkward accusing look. It's obvious who's fault he thinks this is.

'Oh, shit. Um, you can go to the infirmary if you want.'

Naruto rolls his eyes, _if you want…_ His teacher looks around and scowls. He sure isn't going to take the boy. Imagine leaving his class.

'You there. Take him to the nurse.'

There's some retort but Naruto can't hear it and the sun and the audience are still obstructing his view.

'You swung the bat, it's only fair. Come on, quick, he's bleeding all over the field.'

The crowd splits up and there's a face, but he can't see who it is, because he's looking directly into the sun. A hand grabs him by the arms and lifts him up. He can see now that it's Neji. His legs won't move but the other boy drags him off, like he's a felon being taken away to prison. When they're out of hearing distance Naruto manages to croak out in in a high and angry voice:

'You hit me with a friggin baseball?'

Neji, who's walking two steps in front of him looks over his shoulder and says:

'I'm pretty good with a bat. You know I could have made the team.'

It's amazing how he can keep a straight face.

The nurse is not there, as always. She spends her time doing drinking games with the principle, or so they've heard. Whatever the case, Neji props him down on a bed and goes through the cupboard looking for gauze or tissues or anything to stop the bleeding.

When he's back at Naruto's side he's got a bag of ice cubes a well. He hands him the cotton to put in his nose. Naruto winces as he tries to push the gauze up his nostrils carefully. He's almost done when Neji pulls back his head and does it over, proper this time and it hurts like hell.

'Fuck! Sadist.' Naruto growls as he yanks his head out of the way and takes the ice from him which he presses to his nose with care.

Neji doesn't move, all of a sudden he's too close. It's not safe. Naruto looks up and meets those storm coloured eyes. He feels so incredibly tired and hurt. He doesn't want to deal with Neji's foul moods, or even worse, the ones in which he seems to lose all inhibition. He wants the pain to stop.

Neji bends down and presses his nose in Naruto's neck; It's awkward because the latter's hands are still holding the ice to his nose, they're in the way. Hands go roaming over his body, down his sides and over his thighs.

'Neji…' Naruto sighs.

The voice comes as a surprise altogether. Since when did this name become such a familiar thing to say, in such an intimate way.

'What happened last time was mistake.'

Neji halters for only a second, then he continues on, all the more determined. He kisses a line from his ear to his mouth and just as they are about to lock lips, Naruto turns away his head. He looks at the floor, lashes covering the blue underneath and hopes with all his heart that they can just pretend it never happened.

Neji takes a step closer, he's between his knees now, the heat is uncomfortable.

'You know he won't have you right?'

Naruto swallows audibly. Yes, he's aware of that, all too good.

'If not him then no one.' He says and it's the absolute truth.

It doesn't mean that he wants him back, or is in love with him even, it just means that if not Sasuke, then no one. It's as simple as that. He feels as if there's still a bond, still, and he can't break that. Only Sasuke can, and he tried it already.

Neji lifts his hands up to his face and turns his head so that he has to look him in the eye. It's all too forced, not real. He presses their lips together anyway. Neji doesn't mind things being forced. His whole life was scheduled and studied. He lives a conscious lie.

It's then that the most horrible thing happens, and you can blame fate or god or whatever you want to call it, but really it's just a coincidence of the nastiest kind. One of those that you can't believe because it's just all together too fucking stupid.

Sasuke walks in. His gasp is loud in the silence and his indignation sucks all the air away.

The two locked together separate immediately, and in Neji's case, he flinches to the other side of the room.

'Speak of the devil.' He says after, to calm himself mostly because he's still getting his heart to beat slower.

It doesn't take long before Neji leaves, shamefully maybe, but it doesn't show. It's only Naruto and Sasuke, only them, always. Just staring at each other's eyes, screaming silent words and confessions. All those things that you can see on somebody's face if you look hard enough.

'Neji?' Sasuke says in the voice of the cheated wife and it suits him perfectly.

Naruto stays dumb.

'You're fucking Neji now?'

Naruto looks up and he sees the hypocrisy of the situation which gives him courage.

'I think you should leave.'

'But he's a dick! He doesn't care about you!' Sasuke shouts.

Why is it that Sasuke's words can hurt him so? Why only his?

'Evidently nobody does. You showed me that.' Naruto replies and his voice is dangerously soft.

'He's an asshole.'

'This might come as a shock to you, to you weren't really _considerate _either. We all come with our faults and virtues, I know that best of all.'

He's slowly getting his breath back and after all those weeks of not talking to anyone his voice is foreign to him.

'What are you saying?' Sasuke asks, it's obvious he doesn't want to understand.

'I'm saying that even though you hurt me, fucking badly, several times, I was still prepared to **be **with you..' Naruto's voice grows louder as he gains confidence with every word he says.

'But I guess that's just me right? If love's for fools and idiots than I must be the stupidest person to walk the earth because I **loved **you, with every single part of me.'

Sasuke can't breathe. He hears the words and he feels horribly guilty. He also can't get past the fact that Naruto is using the past tense, so he says:

'Why would you leave me then? Why with Neji?'

'You prick,' Naruto whispers, 'you selfish bastard. You exhaust me. You think that it doesn't hurt me. You think I'm too fucking thick to understand right? Well every time you bring me down it takes bloody effort to get up again. You know, maybe this time I'll stay where I am, on the ground, in the gutter where you left me.'

Because no words are said after , there's only the harsh silence that rings in both their ears. Naruto leaves. He puts down the pack of ice softly and gets of the bed. He passes Sasuke, who feels the breeze that smells of him, without even looking at him, without saying a word.

-

Both of them know that now, whatever they had is over. To Sasuke, it's obvious that Naruto has moved on, and, although it pains him to say, not even with that much difficulty. To Naruto, it's clear that Sasuke wants nothing more to do with him, he was the one who broke it up the first time, and after the unhappy incident, he knows for sure, that Sasuke will never want him again. They needed a second break-up, they were that tangled up in each other. Really, it was just a mess.

It comes with closure, of a sort, pain and comfort. It's a curious mix.

Naruto tries not to see Neji anymore, but he's tenacious. For some reason, he always seems to know where he is, and that he's alone. Which in itself is not really impressive, Naruto is always alone these days. They say some things and Naruto gets angry only once. They fight but it's not like he imagined.

So only a few half-meant punches are thrown and eventually Naruto allows himself to be wrestled to the ground, where he slumps and closes his eyes and breathes harshly. They're in the forest. It's almost night. He's just come back from work. Surprisingly, it's a little cold. Although both of them feel very little of it, so close to each other.

'You know, I was serious when I said that if not him, then no one.' Naruto whispers in the dark.

'I won't love you, I don't.' He says because he wants to get that out of the way, though it's also a sort of defeat.

He is not ready to start something new, least of all with Neji. But the contact, however, the mutual heat and the intimacy, he can replace, right?

Neji says nothing and gets up with a new energy in his limbs. If you could see his face you'd know he's smiling. He holds out his hand and pulls Naruto up. They walk away, down the path. He's won tonight.

-

The smell of stone and heavy incense and stuffy draperies surrounds him. There's also something like old people and death, but Sasuke's not familiar enough with those scents to recognize them. He turns his head and sees the flickering sea of candles that warms a tiny corner of stone. When he closes his eyes the flickering is muddled and the light become little spots, little orbs, of yellow.

Sasuke likes churches well enough. They're large and lonesome and for some reason he feels himself at home. He doesn't know why he didn't think of going before. He's here now to pray, he thinks. Unlike the others, who cast down their eyes and rest their chins on their chest, Sasuke raises his eyes to green and blue that falls gently through the coloured windows. He takes a breath and closes his eyes.

He wanted to go to confession but it seems silly now and he hasn't got the guts. He doesn't believe in spilling out his deepest, darkest secrets to some complete stranger who'll only judge him in his petty human way, after having said he won't. People come to churches to get judged and forgiven by god right? So why would anyone bother with a man, sinful like themselves?

Sasuke is not a catholic. Nor is he protestant or Jewish or Mormon or Muslim. He does sort of believe in god. He believes in right and wrong, and he does like to think that in the end evil will be punished and good will be rewarded. If some unknown entity, call it god, is the one dealing out these punishments and rewards than so be it.

He talks to him. He asks all sorts of things.

'Was I righteous?'

'Did I do good?'

'I don't feel so good, is that normal?'

'Is it punishment?'

'Do you care?'

'Sasuke? We're going, do you want to stay longer?'

He opens his eyes. It's Sakura. She went with him when he asked her what the shortest way the church was. He feels grateful, because if she hadn't come he'd probably have been here until tomorrow. It's a little addictive, this praying. He's always been a thinker, Sasuke. Most of the time he thinks to much, and too different, so he gets mixed up with the voices in his head. He should learn to be more stable. He should learn to make those several voices just one.

-

The light is bright. Neji's snoring peacefully. He can. He locked the door. Naruto tiptoes around the room and picks up CD's without really looking at them. He's bored, a little. Outside, through the open window he smells lavender and grass and he hears the obnoxiously loud chirping and singing of birds.

He's never been in his room in the morning. Everything looks different in the light. It's spotless. When it's dark there are the shadows and the puddles of clothes left on the ground, but in the morning, it looks like everything has been washed away. A beach, cleaned by the waves of the ocean.

Naruto shakes his head and laughs soundlessly at his strange thoughts. In bed Neji turns and sighs. Naruto would love to sleep as good as him. He remembers he used to. Now he's become an early bird, and no matter how late or early he goes to bed, he wakes with the dawn and is exhausted.

He knows that Neji does not want him to go downstairs and meet his family. That's out of the question. But Naruto decided he is boss of himself and he won't stay up in a room like a good puppy just because he's told to do so. He turns the key and unlocks the door to the hallway.

He steps out, shoes in his hands, and walks soundlessly down the stairs. The house is huge and white. There are pictures on either side of him, black and white photographs or giant colourful pieces that could be people or just stains. There is also one family picture.

A woman, tall and graceful with thin lips and large eyes. She smiles mechanically. Two older men that look alike. They must be brothers. Then there's Hinata, whom he knows from school. She doesn't smile. She looks rather surprised. In front of her is the smallest girl. Black hair, grey eyes, obviously a Hyuuga. She smiles and although she's young, there's something of a woman in her face. She's going to be very beautiful one day. On the far right is Neji. He's almost as tall as his father, one of the two men, and he looks serious. It's a great picture of him. Really.

Then Naruto hears a door shut in a room on his right. He flinches and starts for the front door. He's lucky to find it oiled and soundless. He wants to cross the beautiful lawn and does it barefoot. Just when he's almost at the end of the driveway, where the little path runs, between the high fence and the hedges, and with the tennis courts on one side, he hears his name.

'Naruto?'

Silently cursing he turns and sees that it's Hinata. She wears a brown skirt and a white top. She's barefoot, just like him. She wears ugly, yellow gardening gloves and holds several stems of a plant in her hand.

'What are you doing here?'

He looks at her pleading. _Don't make me say it_. Realisation dawns on her face sooner than he expected. Maybe she's not as stupid as everyone treats her like.

'Oh.' She says, and the way her mouth forms that tiny little O is adorable really.

He doesn't know what to do. He can't very well turn around and walk away. He likes Hinata. She's been kind to him. She plucks at the leaves in her hand and they fall in the grass one by one.

'You know, I like you well enough to let you, but, you're not good for him. Neji is not sick, he's just special.'

Her voice has grown louder. She's confident now. There are maybe five metres between them and her eyes are those of a weary guard dog. She likes to protect those she loves.

'If you hurt him, or if you're only playing, then you can't come here anymore. He's fragile.'

Naruto suddenly has the urge to smile. Here he is, on the Hyuuga's thousand dollar lawn, being told by Neji's tiny cousin, that Neji is fragile. It's absurd. Deep in his brain though, Naruto realises that what she says might be true. He also realises that in that case, it might be too late. Who ever thought Neji was playing with _him_, who ever thought that _he _was the victim, is wrong.

Naruto nods.

'I'm sorry.' He says, and turns to walk back home.

-

After that Naruto doesn't see Neji anymore. Well, he does, but not because he wants to. At school they never talk, so that's fine, and Neji doesn't show up at his house, so he's relatively safe there as well. When he's at work though, in the evening, and when he walks home, that's usually when Neji shows up. He's never in the same place twice and he always wears that victorious, arrogant little smile on his face that tells him he's just playing a game that he's winning.

It's getting pretty fucking complicated, keeping away from him. However, Naruto wouldn't be Naruto if he just said: 'okay, I give up, I don't want the trouble, I'll go home with you.'. He doesn't want the trouble, but he'll take it because he's not just a puppet, and he has his own sense of dignity, and he has a choice.

He chooses to be alone, for Neji's sake and for his own, and because Hinata asked him to. Ever the altruist.

-

The day approaches when Naruto's class prepares to leave for the long awaited school trip. It's just before school finishes. Exams and tests have passed and everybody's elated. For three days they'll be staying in a hotel in the mountainous woodlands north of town. They're going kayaking and hiking, for the sake bonding and learning about nature, and for giving those students that usually can't afford to go on a trip, the chance to feel what it's like to have a proper holiday. Naruto's grateful…

When he arrives at school and sees the large white bus that's supposed to drive them up to the camping ground, he shivers. He doesn't look forward to sharing so small a space with people who'd rather leave him by the side of the road. He also doesn't like the prospect of having to be closer to Sasuke than he can help.

Of course Sasuke will still be angry with him, he thinks. It's not such a big problem because it'll only help him achieve that goal he set for himself, break with all people. A break from Sasuke. Anyway, he's eager to forget all about him, because these periods in between are the worst. Either be with him, or be unaware of him. That's how he'd wish it to be.

He stands apart from the crowd, smiling over his shoulder at Iruka, who offered to drop him of. He'd like to go get on the bus first, choose a quiet spot and close his eyes, pretend to sleep. The fat bus driver holds the cigarette firmly between his lips while he takes over Naruto's bag and with a shamelessly careless manner throws it into the luggage compartment. Then he goes back to smoking the cigarette.

Naruto gets on, the bus is empty and hot. The seats are orange and stuffy and they smell faintly of the hundreds of others that have sat in them before, that and vacuum cleaner. Naruto sits down in the second row because he knows all the popular kids will sit in the back, and the others as close to them as possible. His teacher will sit in front, though he'll read a book, most likely, and will not try and engage Naruto in any conversation. Not if he remains as quiet and invisible as possible.

Gradually the bus fills. Sakura, Ino and Kiba and Shikamaru fill the back. Ino takes up two chairs, as she dumps her huge, pink purse on one. To his great relief, she's saved Sasuke a seat and waves him over as he gets on the bus. They don't look at each other. Naruto looks down his window and observes the faces of all those waving goodbye. His vision blurs and he forces the sounds out of his ears until everything hums and nothing is clear anymore. Then he feels someone standing next to him and his teacher speaking through the microphone.

He says something about assistance, and Naruto doesn't really pay attention, but then he hears Neji's name and his eyes fly open. He looks up shocked as hell. Neji stands in the aisle and holds up his hand in greeting to the rest of the bus. Then he turns and he looks at him in that way again. That vicious, conceited little smile.

'I think I'll sit here.' he says.

-

After a four hour bus trip they arrive at the campsite. There are several small wooden bungalows and two larger buildings, spaced about five hundred metres away from each other. The two clearings are separated by shrubs and trees. The two buildings are rented separately for large groups of people. The cabins are for couples and small families only, but they're empty now as the holiday hasn't started yet.

The site is surrounded by tall trees, evergreens mostly, but the odd beech pops up here and there. They're fragrance is heavy on the hot air when Naruto gets off the bus and looks around. He's pissed, to put it mildly. He's fucking annoyed. He had hoped to lose Neji at least for the three day of the trip. He'd looked forward to the peace.

But now he's there again, his presence hot and demanding, standing next to him. Naruto doesn't know what he expects. Why he came in the first place, although he's betting it's not for the extra credit.

He wanders away from the group a little and stand alone, his arms crossed tight over his chest.

'I'm not sleeping with you. I won't.' He says, quietly, to himself.

The sun breaks through the cover of the clouds. For a moment it lights up the place and it looks nice and new in the sunlight. The buildings are white and the grass is a violent shade of green. Then the clouds push through again and everything is grey and dreary.

They settle in in the left building. The bedrooms are made for three, so that puts Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji together instantaneously. Unfortunate for Naruto, it puts him with a stoic boy called Shino, and yours truly.

Sasuke seems just as displeased with the arrangements as him and he throws his bag on the floor and drops on the bed silently fuming. Naruto is used to his moods and knows he's a sulky kid sometimes, so he ignores with almost no guilt or questions. He doesn't know about Shino. Doesn't really care. It's not his problem that Sasuke's making himself look like a grumpy seven year old.

They eat lunch together on the grass outside, which Naruto likes. There's a strong wind blowing high above their heads, but they're sheltered by the trees. He eats the sandwich, (cheese, cucumber and tomato) and strolls around the forest edge. His eyes are unfocused, on the ground mostly, and he's just dreaming. Then he hears a strong voice in front of him. He stops.

The dormitories are on his right. He walked all the way around the campsite and now he's on the other side. It's slightly smaller, this clearing, but with the same white one-story building in the middle. There's the leftovers of a bright yellow jungle gym, and beyond that, people are playing soccer.

It's the orange uniforms that make him realise. He looks around and his suspicions are confirmed as he sees a couple of guards, (wearing the familiar blue uniforms) stand of to the side, smoking a cigarette, keeping an eye on the boys. He can't help a wide smile flash across his face, though it falters a little as he scans the faces anxiously. If this is what he thinks it is then…

When he finally sees the tall, thin body and that red hair he discovers that his breathing is frantic and he's almost crying. He runs forward and he doesn't really think about the guards anymore, or even the logic of the situation. He jogs to a stop a good couple of metres away from him. Gaara turns around, having heard him coming.

His face remains absolutely passive for about a second and then he frowns. Naruto bursts out laughing. He's just realised how much he has missed that little frown.

'Naruto?'

It comes from his left and he doesn't have the time to spin around before he suddenly has his arms full of delighted, laughing Haku. He pulls back, smiling and shaking his head, as if he doesn't believe it.

They disentangle and step apart, though Naruto's hands are still on Haku's shoulders. He looks over his shoulder at Gaara, whose frown has gone now, and is replaced by the tiniest, pleased little smile. Naruto steps up to him and laughs a little breathless. It's always confusing being around Gaara. He feels like a kid again.

The latter, bridges the last distance between them and takes his head between two warm, rough hands, and plants a kiss on his lips. 'You're mine.' Is what he means by that. Not in a romantic kind of way, (although maybe just a little) just in a protective, friendly sort of way. Naruto blushes and smiles again. It feels like he can't stop doing that and he shakes his head, feeling a little stupid. His jaws are beginning to ache.

'I can't believe it.'

'I missed you guys.' Naruto says warmly.

He takes Haku's hands in his and holds them tight.

'Outside wasn't nearly as fun without you.'

Haku smiles.

'You're a liar, but I missed you too.'

They sit down on the jungle gym and talk for a long time. On the field the soccer players quit their game because of the stifling heat and take shelter in the deep shadows of the trees. Kakashi comes over to them and he greets Naruto as an old friend. His eyes are gentle. You can see that he's glad to see the boys leave the facility and turn out okay.

'_I look okay' _Naruto thinks. They don't know about Sasuke, or Neji. I wear a great mask. Suddenly being happy takes a lot more effort. Haku notices.

'What's wrong?' He asks, soft voice, brown eyes.

Naruto looks at the ground. Now he's sad, about everything really, but mostly about not being happy. He wanted to be happy for Haku, who'll be discharged very soon now, and for Gaara, who may never will.

'I'm sorry.' He says.

'I'm just in a little trouble these days.'

He tells them about Neji, and how it was insane and stupid to sleep with him in the first place, and how he's prepared for the consequences. Haku listens intently, but Gaara gets up halfway through the story and lights a cigarette. Just as Naruto wonders why their not asking about Sasuke, Haku poses the question.

'Does this mean you and Sasuke aren't together?' His voice is solemn, because he already knows the answer and it's killing him.

'No. We're not.'

-

The rest of the day is spent resting and lying about in the sunlight, trying to get a tan. When the sun begins to set Shizune, the school nurse who came along, comes to find Naruto. Dinner is ready and they've been looking for him. She looks a little surprised to find him with the felons, and smiles a little uncomfortable. Naruto smiles back and reassures her that really, they won't bite.

He says goodbye to Gaara and Haku and walks back with her. While they walk back he asks her if it would be possible to give him the day off tomorrow, to catch up with his old friends. Shizune doesn't quite know what to do. She didn't like the redhead, he gave her chills, and although the smaller boy seemed sweet enough, it was obvious enough to see he is different from others. However, tolerant and truly kind as she is, she promises him to discuss it with the other teachers.

In the cafeteria everyone's eating already. They're spread out over two long tables. Naruto tries for an inconspicuous entrance and slides in next to Hinata, on the very edge of the table. He holds his tongue and eats his dinner.

They stay seated for what feels like forever. Naruto plays with his food and looks away. He sits on the very edge of the bench to keep from touching Hinata. He has a strange sort of admiration for her now. He'd rather not touch her, because, whatever…he'd soil her or something. Naruto doesn't really know why himself.

Then his geography teacher raises his voice. He's a nice guy, really gentle and patient, but he's not so clever when it comes to reputation and social conduct.

Really, he should have kept his mouth shut about the juvenile delinquents taking up residency in the neighbouring building. He should have talked about the hiking tomorrow, or the fucking bike ride. Instead he tells them all about being tolerant and calm, and how he'd rather not have them go near the adjacent camp. Then he addresses Naruto, and tells him that sure, of course he'll be excused tomorrow. Right after breakfast, while the others go out to pick up the mountain bikes, he can visit his friends if he'd like. And then he looks at Sasuke and says that he, of course, is allowed to do so as well, since they know all about his history.

Sasuke burns under the curious, judgemental stares of more than twenty pairs of eyes. Fuck. Naruto too, feels like smacking his head. He's empathic by nature and feels Sasuke's shame, although really doesn't understand it. He's thrilled to skip the tormenting exercise, and stay with Gaara and Haku.

After dinner Naruto leaves to his room, to get some sleep. He leaves Sasuke to answer the questions and deal with his own secrets and skeletons. When he's finally in bed and everything's quieting down around him, he allows himself a small smile to creep down his features, and pull at the corners of his mouth.

-

In the middle of the night (he hasn't got a clue of the time, but it's completely dark) Naruto wakes up abruptly. He lies still for a second wondering what woke him when he hears whimpering from across the room and mentally smacks his head as he realises who's making the sounds. He resolves to sleep through it and closes his eyes tight. However, the sounds continue, and although he hates to admit it, they tear at his heart.

Naruto sits up and swings his feet over the edge of the bed. The floor is cold. He immediately develops goose bumps. He reluctantly crosses the distance between Sasuke's bed and his. Sasuke turns in his blankets and sighs in the most pitiful way. His hands are close to his lips but Naruto can't see his face. He hovers over him a little, without touching.

'Hey' He whispers with a glance at Shino's bed, it's all quiet.

'Hey, wake up.'

It's not helping. He reaches out and touches Sasuke's bare shoulder, which has just peeped out from under the blanket. It's hot.

'Come on. Wake up.' He tries again, a little desperate.

This time with result. A spasm pulls through Sasuke's body and then he turns rigid. For a second Naruto thinks he's stopped breathing, but then the pants find a way out of his chest and he heaves with the pressure. He turns his face towards him now, his eyes big and scared, and glossy in the dark. Naruto makes to pull back his hand, but Sasuke clenches his wrist and keeps him rooted.

Naruto back begins to ache as he's forced to bend over. He shifts his weight and immediately the pressure on his wrist increases.

'-don't go.' Sasuke manages to bring, gasping the silence away.

He takes a moment to recover. He keeps breathing hard, but he looks a lot more sane now. Naruto sighs and sits down on the very edge of the bed, as far away as he can.

'You had a bad dream.'

Sasuke doesn't respond. Maybe he's forgotten it.

'I wouldn't have come, but-'

'That's okay.'

Naruto really wants to be in his own bed now. He'd like for everything to be simple. There are to many people in the world, too many opinions, and Sasuke cares about every single one of them. He sighs.

'What did you tell them? The others.'

'Nothing. I don't want them to know.' Sasuke replies, a little bit more aggressive than he meant for it to come out.

'It's nothing to be ashamed of you know. You didn't do anything wrong.'

Sasuke looks at him in the dark, eyes accusing.

'They wouldn't understand. And you don't either. I don't want their fucking pity. I want to get on with my life.'

Naruto shuts his mouth for a moment. This is the first time they talk in a very long time. He doesn't want to scare him off, besides, Sasuke's got a point.

'Does this mean you're not going to stay tomorrow, to talk to Haku I mean. You liked him, didn't you?'

Sasuke's quiet. He did like him. Does that mean he wants to talk to him? See him again? Include him in this new chance at a life he's got?

'No.'

They're both quiet. It's okay that he won't come. It's fine. He doesn't have to talk to anyone if he doesn't want to. Their eyes meet. Sasuke throws down his immediately, ashamed at being caught. He looks guilty. Naruto doesn't know what to do. He's not cold anymore, not really. He looks at the boy in the bed, through his eyelashes. Sasuke's looking a lot less sure these days. He used to walk around with the air of someone who could take over the world with his eyes closed, hands tied behind his back. He doesn't anymore. He's a little more quiet. He's afraid to look you in the eye. He blushes more.

'I'm sorry.' Sasuke says.

Naruto forgets how to breathe. For what? For not wanting to see Haku again? For breaking up with him? For saying those hurtful things he said? Next to him he hears Sasuke sigh and rest his head on his arms.

'That's okay.' He whispers.

Honestly, he'll forgive him always. For anything. Sasuke lifts his head. His eyes are incredulous and big. Does he even know what he was apologising for? Then he laughs and it's a little sad. Soft enough to keep the silence to themselves though. He leans forward and presses a dry kiss on Naruto's cheek, who closes his eyes to the sensation. Now he's got him. Now he would do anything.

'I'm sorry too.' He says with a breath on his tongue and a smile on his lips.

What comes next feels like a dream. Naruto turns his head to the side. Their lips already searching for each other. Sasuke is like water to his parched body, soul. He clings to him, soft and needy. Silent like two ghosts they breathe each other's breath and share a common relief at finally being able to touch again. To rediscover.

-

Sasuke falls asleep first. Warm and calm against his side. They haven't done anything. They remembered in time that they're sharing a room with Shino. Still Naruto feels wide awake and giddy.

He swings his legs over the side of the bed, bare feet on the cold floor again, and walks out the door, closing it softly behind him. When he looks up again, he sees someone's foot disappear just around the corner. Then it's quiet.

At night the white halls have something eerie about them. For some reason Naruto looks at their spotless surfaces in the dark, looks down the long corridor and thinks: asylum. He feels horribly indignant, walking here, a sharp contrast to the warmth and familiarity of the room he just left. Who was waiting for him, out in this corridor? He's not crazy yet right? Somebody **was** waiting.

The bathrooms are on his left. The door is just as white as the wall, he almost overlooks it. It makes a noise when he opens it, the whole building might have heard, and he freezes for a second. Everything remains silent. The dormitories are at the other side of the building. It seems Naruto can be quiet as a ghost if he wants to.

Inside there's the sound of dripping water and the wind howls outside. Naruto takes a leak and washes his hands in a basin on he other side of the room. He looks in the mirror. Sees a round face and tired, glowing blue eyes. He's not really handsome, or tall even, but Sasuke likes him and his kisses are like magic. His skin is bright and tanned, his smile wide and sincere when he flashes it in the mirror.

It's wiped clean off his face though as the shrieking door announces Neji who walks up to him, grave and fucking pissed. His grey eyes are cruel. He's out for violence. Some instinctive part of Naruto wants to cower away and hide in a toilet cubicle, however, he can't very well spend the night there. (He can, he'd rather not). So he doesn't budge and lift his chin, daring.

'You little whore.'

'Don't call me whore.' Is his retort.

Neji takes that last step forward and bridges the distance between them. He envelopes Naruto's shoulders in his hands, and pushes him backwards, into the wall. The latter let's out a gasp as his back hit's the cold surface and he raises his arms unconsciously, making ready for a fight.

'You're a slut. If this is the way that you treat the people who love you th--'

'You never loved me.' Naruto interrupts, his voice high and unstable, but he has to say it.

'You were never in love with me. I'm not an idiot. At most you were in love with us, Sasuke and me.'

Neji's face changes and for a second he's ugly. His mouth a sneer, lips stretched thin across his teeth. His eyes small and menacing. But only for a second though, and he doesn't deny anything. He grabs Naruto by his collar in stead, rips it, and punches him across the face.

Naruto, who was only waiting for it to happen, crashes against the wall for a second time, sliding down to the floor this time. The pain stings and bites, all over his face really, like he was hit by a tractor or something. His eyes well up and colours drift and flicker around the edge of his view. He holds his face with his hands, doesn't look up.

There's a tiny moment where he wants to get up and tear Neji apart, piece by bloody piece, until all that's left of him are these raw, torn bits of flesh. He fights the urge. Bile rises in his throat. He looks up and focuses defiant blue eyes on his opponent. He turns the other cheek.

For a second it seems like Neji is going to hit him again, in that tiny second, Naruto fears for his life. Then the moment passes and nothing happens. Neji unclenches his fist and looks at the ground. Suddenly he burns under the blue eyes on him, out of shame, out of passion. He walks out of the room.

Naruto goes back the desolate corridors some minutes after that. He hasn't looked in the mirror, he doesn't want to see his swollen face. He just wants to sleep, next to Sasuke preferably, but since that's out of the question, in the same room as him is fine as well.

-

**Ugh, what a bitch to write. Anyway, the end is nigh. I just have to come up with an exiting ending. Having some ideas already.**


	12. Chapter 12: The End

**Pull the Trigger**

_Chapter 12_

_-_

In the morning everything seems fine again. To Sasuke, that is. He wakes up and for a moment his arms feel empty, but then he remembers that it's alright. He looks to the other side of the room and sees the comforting shape of Naruto under the blankets. To his left, Shino is already up and straightening his covers. He grunts a good morning.

In the light of the rising sun the room looks a lot better. Tiny particles of dust shimmer in the air and paint it a warm shade of golden. The wall are white and outside everything is green. Sasuke stays in bed until he hears Shino close the door behind him. Then he sits up in bed and throws his pillow at Naruto.

There is no response. He gets out and walks over to him, feeling giddy like a child on Christmas morning. He touches the boy's shoulder and shakes him very gently.

'Wake up.'

Naruto sighs once, very deeply and then he rolls on his back and tries to open his eyes. Tries. Sasuke scares away from the sight of him. His left eye and the bridge of his nose are a deep purple and red. The violent patch if coloured flesh fades out to the sides, where it remains a dull yellow. Seeing it on Naruto's tan, adored face, hurts him physically.

'O my god.'

His fingers flutter over the skin but he doesn't touch, afraid it might hurt. He suddenly very angry, a child on Christmas morning, finding out that his toy has been broken over the night. He forces Naruto up.

'Who did this to you?'

Realisation doesn't dawn on his face before he tentatively feels his eye with his hand. He flinches immediately and mouths: 'auw' silently. He looks away, out of the window. His face is serene under the bruise. He sighs again, wipes his hair out of his face. It's growing too long again, he should cut it.

'Who did this?' Sasuke keeps demanding.

He's close and his hands are on his shoulders.

'Nobody did. I went to the bathroom last night, and I fell against the doorknob.'

Sasuke had not expected the anticlimax. He's completely unprepared.

'You fell?!'

Naruto looks up at him in that way that he has, daring, provocative, innocent.

'The floor was slippery.'

-

Haku and Gaara aren't as easily fooled. Naruto knows he pulled a lot of attention at breakfast, got more and longer looks thrown his way than usual. He was also given an icepack by Shizune, who seized the opportunity to execute her profession. It was a little too late for the ice though, Naruto thinks as he actually feels the swelling throb with every beat of his heart, but he appreciates the gesture.

He looks back only once, when the others get on the bus, all dressed up for a long hike. Sasuke looks at him, dark and brooding, so much his attitude, but he stops his stare abruptly when Naruto catches him do it.

He walks to the little yellow jungle gym that looks friendly and familiar in the sun. He remembers that when he was very young, they used to have a jungle gym at Gravings orphanage.

Haku's already there and he jogs over, smiling. When he gets close enough to see the damage on his face though, his smile fades. He opens his mouth to say something but Naruto cuts him off.

'I know. It's alright. It doesn't hurt.'

Haku shakes his head as he raises his hands to his face, like Sasuke did, but Haku touches the bruise gently.

'It's not alright.'

At that point Gaara shows up around the corner, lighting what's probably the first cigarette of the day. One of many more to come. The light is filtered by the trees and it softens the aggressive red colour of his hair. He stops at about two metres distance when he sees the face. Unlike Haku, he doesn't say anything. He doesn't move his face, but Naruto's known him long enough to recognise that disturbing flicker in his eyes. That harness that takes over.

He walks towards him. Haku takes a step to the side, silent. Gaara's hands are different. He's not shaking, like Sasuke. He's not gentle and sweet like Haku. His hands are rough and warm, and they smell of cigarettes. They hold his face determent. Naruto can't look away, he can't hide or make up excuses. Gaara is the executioner, and he doesn't like to be lied to.

'I'll slit his throat.' His voice comes as a whisper.

He can't talk. He knows Gaara isn't joking, that would not be like him.

'It wasn't Sasuke.'

He feels lighter now that's off his chest. He can breathe again. Gaara looks at him inscrutably. He can't see whether he ever suspected Sasuke or not, but it had to be said. He wanted to hear it.

'Hyuuga.' It sounds like a verdict.

Naruto nods. Suddenly he feels guilty and hot. What are they doing, talking like this, looking at each other like this. They are not really contemplating a murder, are they? He jerks himself free of Gaara's hands and turns his back to his friends. The air is stuffy. He's never really been troubled by cases of hay fever, but now his eyes are watery and his nose itches.

'Let's not take this too seriously.'

Gaara narrows his eyes and flings the cigarette bud to the ground where he smothers it with his foot.

'Too seriously?'

Naruto looks at Haku for understanding, but the boys brown eyes are full of grief and confusion. He is not as troubled as Naruto thought he was going to be at the thought of murder, revenge even. It comes natural for Gaara, who thinks with his heart and his hands, but Haku is the surprise here.

'Look OK, you should relax. I don't want Neji dead or something. He hit me, but he's not the first to ever fling a punch at me. I'm not made of glass! I can take him, if I wanted him punished, I would have done something already.'

That seems to calm both Haku and Gaara sufficiently for them to sit down on the jungle gym, though Gaara lights another cigarette with a frustrated flick of his lighter. The smoke rises slowly, heavy in the warm summer air. Naruto follows it with his eyes and after a long sigh, he sits down on the dry, brown pine needles on the earthen floor.

'I'm sorry.'

'You shouldn't apologise.' Haku says immediately after.

They're alike, the two of them, way too generous with their apologies and affections, liable to get hurt.

'Some people don't deserve your mercy Naruto. You're better than the whole lot of them.' Gaara says in a grave voice.

Naruto just smiles.

-

Sasuke averts his eyes as Naruto notices him looking. A second later he wonders why he did so. The bus gets its engine running and the last students are ushered inside. It'll be a short drive to the point where al the hiking routes start. Inside the bus the windows are down and the shaking of the engine is enough to drown out any noises, so, thank god, Sasuke doesn't have to talk.

He stares out at the blurry green of the trees. Something inside his stomach is not keeping itself still, like it should, it feels like snakes are turning. He can't seem to forget the pressure of limbs against his own, the soft wetness of breath against his chin, and at the same time, it's all to dim and about to fade away. He desperately clutches at those sensation he remembers, but then, doesn't know what to do with them.

He doesn't know whether Naruto will want to see him again, the way they used to. There's one word that defiantly drifts through his mind and he can't seem to shake it: 'brake-up sex'. He's not expert on this kind of stuff, but there is something like that, right? Break-up sex? How is he supposed to know whether this kissing and fondling of last night, belonged to that category? It really felt like an 'I missed you, glad you're back' to him, but what does he know? Maybe they really were break-up kisses to Naruto. He thinks he might die if they were.

The abrupt stop the bus makes catapults Sasuke against the chair in front of him and he only just manages to save his nose by breaking the impact with his hands. It's hot outside and the climbing sun is a promise of only hotter weather to come. He's wearing a faded green T-shirt that he thinks makes him look a little sickly, but he wasn't really focused that morning, so he pulled it on without noticing.

They start walking, enthusiastic but slow, because every now and then they stop to take a water break, or to allow the last ones to catch up, or to inspect an interesting case of flora. After the third stop, Sasuke has had enough of it and keeps walking. Soon there is some space between him and the group and he can hear himself breathe again. He smiles, satisfied with his improved condition, thankful for all the jogging he did the months before.

Just then somebody breaks through to bush behind him and Sasuke turns around like a scare animal. It's only Shikamaru. He raises his sharp eyebrows closer to his hairline and says:

'Oh, there you are. Managed to make some head start.'

Sasuke takes a hesitant step forward again and tries to look less confused. He doesn't know what to make of Shikamaru. The boy is smart, insightful and couldn't care less. They also haven't spoken that much since the incident at Kiba's place, when Sasuke fired a gun and shot his brother in the brain, imagined he did, that is.

His white t-shirt shows wet spots where the strips of his backpack go. The white is almost translucent. His dark brown hair is in a ponytail high on his head. The roots are a little damp with sweat.

'You're quiet. I get that. I hate people who talk all the time.' Shikamaru says in an easy, conversing tone.

Sasuke doubts it. He's seen him with Ino draped around his shoulder, chatting away. Shikamaru loves the attention. He's a good liar though, completely believes what he says. Sasuke wouldn't have suspected him if he hadn't seen them together, but he has, and now he's on edge.

'Anyway, I hate to beat around the bush, so here it goes: what's up with you and Naruto?'

Sasuke hits away a piece of fern in front of him and it cracks further as he crashes through the bush. He doesn't say anything, but he huffs in way that he hopes might discourage Shikamaru. Why's he asking about him anyway?

'I know you two used to live in the city together, where something bad happened to you, because, frankly, you're a head case,' this is where he shrugs his shoulders and raises his hands. 'no hard feelings, I also know that, after, you went to the same correctional facility, only you got out before he did.'

Sasuke has turned around now, his face incredulous. He hopes he'll be able to keep up appearances. Shikamaru looks at him with those dark, inspecting eyes and continues:

'Then you saw him again, and you were surprised. I remember, in the supermarket. You said you weren't friends, but I know that he's** not** nothing to you. Hell, even Kiba picked that up. And here it comes, he kisses you in the canteen. On the lips. Tell me you didn't used to go out.'

Sasuke narrows his eyes. Spot on, congratulations. They have made it way too obvious. He blames Naruto, that boy stands apart, the good way and the bad way. He suddenly hates Shikamaru. He sure as hell will not confess to him.

'No.'

Shikamaru also narrows his eyes. Both of them are determined enough to fight this out. Shikamaru because he likes to be right, and he likes to solve puzzles, Sasuke doesn't know why he fights, but he sure as hell doesn't want to give Shikamaru the gratification.

'Would Naruto say the same?'

'We never went out.' Sasuke finally retorts, after struggling to get the words out right.

It's petty, he knows that. He's like a child. Shikamaru is on the verge of saying something nasty, but he's interrupted by Ino and Sakura and the guide who stumble through the leaves and cry out when they see the two boys, standing opposite each other, angry faces. Ino throws herself at Shikamaru, who directs one last, long, foul glance at Sasuke before disentangling her from his waist.

Sakura smiles at the two and takes Sasuke by the arm. She looks at the two of them a little confused, but she doesn't ask anything. They walk the rest of the way together, to Sasuke's great relief.

-

They come back just after four a clock and everybody is sweaty and tired and silent. The day had gotten hotter, like Sasuke had suspected it would, but the burning glare of the sun and the dusty paths had exhausted him. He had closed his eyes on the bus and had almost drifted off to the shaking of his chair and the humming of the engine.

He wonders if Naruto will still be with Haku and Gaara, or whether he will be in their room. He wonders whether he'll wear the white shirt with the broad collar, that sometimes he sleeps in. He can't wait to run his fingers through damp blond hair and rest his forehead on the place where his neck turns to shoulder.

He feels better when he gets off. Dreamy, almost. The others complain and shuffle back to the main building to take long, cool showers.

-

Shikamaru chooses not to shower right now. He sees Sasuke disappear behind the door to his room and scowls. If there's anything he hates it's liars. He throws on a clean t-shirt and goes out again. He steals a bottle of water from the kitchen and begins to make his way to the other side of the clearing, the part they were told they couldn't go because it would take us too close to where the delinquents were stationed.

That's exactly where he plans to go. The air is still and even the birds are quiet. Shikamaru wipes his nose, bothered by his hay fever. He doesn't have to walk far.

Naruto sits in the grass, in the half-shadow under the trees. The leaves paint him in strange tortoise-shell patterns. Next to him a lanky red-head is rolling a cigarette. The colour of his hair clashes violently with the orange of his pants. Then there's what seems to be a girl, dressed in orange as well, with long brown hair, tied up in a casual ponytail.

_These are Naruto's friends, the people he went to prison with._ Shikamaru thinks. He suddenly sees Naruto as a criminal. He's done something wrong. He committed a crime. How else did he end up in Juvie? And then he realises that it's the same with Sasuke, although the latter's case it doesn't seem as surprising. Sasuke is sort of borderline. He is a little criminally inclined. Naruto though, straightforward and honest, a little temperamental, okay, but pure, what could he have done?

That's when he looks up and sees Shikamaru lurking (that's not how he'd have called it, but to Naruto, he **is **lurking) behind the trees. They look at each other for a long time, and Naruto is confused. He says something to his friends and gets up, wipes the leaves off his but and makes his way to the edge of the clearing.

'What's up? I don't have to go yet, do I?' Naruto asks.

Shikamaru is caught of guard by the sweet and sincere way that he says it. He knows they aren't really friends, but Naruto treats him like one regardless. He's also very aware of how blue Naruto's eyes are, in the sunlight and on that tanned face.

'No, you don't have to go. I just wanted to asks you something if that's okay.'

Naruto's face changes and turns serious very quickly. He's used to all kinds of horrible news, unfortunately. Shikamaru suddenly finds he has difficulty saying what he came here to say. He hopes he's not rubbing salt into old wounds, but the heck with it.

'So I asked Sasuke whether you two used to go out and he denies it, but we know better right?'

Naruto's eyes widen, you can see he's taken aback, but he recovers quickly, and focuses his stare on the trees behind Shikamaru shoulder. He's quiet for a while before finally saying:

'We didn't exactly go out.'

'I don't understand.'

Naruto sighs and he looks sad and confused and a little helpless. There's also something of a smile around his eyes, as if it's all very foolish and he feels a little silly saying it.

'Things were complicated… are. Sasuke, is difficult. We never went out.' He states after laboriously trying to get the words out.

Shikamaru also struggles with his sentences.

'But you were together right, I mean, in the… the… physical way.'

Naruto looks him straight in the eye. He actually smiles a little sad and asks:

'Why do you want to know?'

'Never mind that. Were you together?'

Naruto looks at him funny but eventually gives in.

'I think we were. Yeah, we were.' He finishes with a little more confidence in his voice.

Shikamaru is relieved, because he's right, but he doesn't feel the same way he usually does when he solves a puzzle. He feels embarrassed, and only because what Naruto just shared with him is intimate and secret. He knows that he doesn't deserve the trust and the confidence. It's like he intruded upon something really privet, and although he was told in free will, he feels as if though it would have been better to just shut up. Maybe he spoiled things. Maybe he forced things out into the open, into the spoken word, that never did belong there. Some feelings can not be put into sentences, and people who try don't know what they're doing.

So he nods his head and looks at Naruto one more time, who glances back with those blue eyes of his that show trust and a smile and hope. Naruto prefers not to think about things that much, he'd rather just feel them and react as they come along. That way he's genuine, but sometimes there comes along an occasion where he is forced to think and contemplate. That's healthy too. You can't just go through life dreaming. You've got to keep your head on your shoulders. Naruto is glad he talked to Shikamaru about this. He likes to be confronted. Sometimes he really needs to convince himself.

-

Sasuke's in his room. The afternoon sun illuminates the particles of dust that float in the still air. He's not cold, but his wet hair in his neck bothers him. _I should cut it _, he thinks, and then he realises, scowls and aggressively combs his hands through his hair until it's all spiky and wild. He remembered his brother used to have long hair, sleek and black.

Then Naruto comes in. He looks scared at first, but only for a second, then he breathes and smiles at him again. Sasuke hates the black eye. He hates the way it looks on his face. Naruto stops in front of him, he looks tired and a little sunburnt, just a little though because he is way too tan and anyway, it looks alright on him, cute.

'Your hair…' He chuckles and bridges the space between them with one brown hand that gently pulls at one of the locks of hair.

Then the door creaks and Shino walks in, towel around his neck. He eyes them strangely, but also with a sense of polite indifference. He doesn't stay long, just grabs something out of his bag and leaves again, after nodding at them.

Naruto turns his eyes from the door to Sasuke again, who is moody but tired on his bed. He drops down next to him and falls back with his head on Sasuke's pillow. He sighs deeply satisfied and opens one of his closed eyes to peek at Sasuke, looking at him with confused disapproval. Naruto smiles and straightens his legs, letting them rest on Sasuke's lap.

Sasuke frowns. His hands flutter over the legs that he'd like to touch, but rather doesn't. Naruto turns on his back entirely and lifts one haughty eyebrow in challenge. On his lips there is a presumptuous smile, threatening to grow and burst into full laughter.

Sasuke scowls and puts down his hands on the rough skin of Naruto's legs, just to make him stop. Naruto's got hairy legs, but the hairs are soft and blond, like a golden retriever or something. Sasuke smiles to himself. Then he looks at that angelic face, the one he can't possibly try to banish from his mind, because it's always there, and always tempting, and he feels incredibly sad that it's been defiled like it has.

'I love you.' He says, as loud as he dares and he tries to sound convincing.

'I do.'

Naruto opens his eyes slowly, and he looks at the ceiling. Then he raises his body and leans on his elbows, regards Sasuke with that serious, sweet face he can pull off so good.

'I know. I do too.'

Then he tilts his head slightly, the golden retriever again.

'You didn't have to tell me. I know it already. You don't have to say it if you don't like to say it. I'll love you regardless.'

'Don't you like it better if I do say it?' Sasuke replies, genuinely curious, because you never know with Naruto.

Naruto smiles brightly, and his lips part over his teeth because he can't contain his glee. He blushes.

'Okay. I do maybe.'

'Well then.'

Sasuke is satisfied.

-

It's all a little strange. They have gone from being two complete strangers with only loneliness in common, to friends, to lovers, to something really, completely beyond that. And now, what are they? They broke up. That was painfully clear, to Sasuke, as well as to Naruto. Both of them suffered because of it, but then again, both of them were determined to see it out. Were things really that horrible?

Naruto doubts it, now. He thinks that they broke up because of the insecurities and because of all those fucking opinions, not because it wasn't good. It was mind-blowing. It was addictive. It was sweet and irresistible. There's no question about that. Even Sasuke can't deny it.

Both of them are sitting at the dinner table now. Conversation is soft, everyone's tired. They don't sit as far apart as they used to. Naruto is seated at the edge of the table, eyes on his plate, but there's a smile around his lips as he picks up pieces of conversation around him. Then Hinata asks him something, and he looks up startled and has to ask her to repeat the question.

She looks at him with those large, watery, grey eyes and asks him about his day. Naruto has to laugh, a little breathlessly. He doesn't know where to start. So he tells her the things that come up into his mind, about Haku, and a little about Gaara. Later he realises that he must have sounded a little chaotic. He doubts she knew what he was talking about. But he feels better because he got the chance to say it all the same.

In the evening some people play a card game that includes assignments and a bottle of wine that the old folks have been kind enough to give them before going of to bed themselves. They figured, it's a closed space, nothing dangerous in the house, no knives or bombs or electrical wire. They're in the middle of a forest. How bad can a group of teenagers fuck up, right, with only one bottle of wine.

Kiba shows a whole new side of him, and reveals the stash of hard liquor he brought. He really is the man to go to for illegal commodities. Whether it is guns or alcohol. Whatever. People talk, people drink. They play more silly games. Naruto keeps to himself in the dark of the night on the grass, but he's surprised when Sasuke joins him outside, half bottle of wine in his hands. He's a little drunk already, only a little.

Naruto looks at him, bright eyes in the hot evening air. Inside they see Ino crash down into Shikamaru's arms and kiss him on the lips and they fall of the chair together and continue on the floor. They grin at each other.

'You want to try again?' Sasuke asks him after he's taken a sip from the bottle.

Naruto tilts his head.

'Try what?'

'Don't make me explain myself. I'm too drunk, I won't make it sound pretty enough.'

Naruto smiles. He knows exactly what Sasuke's on about, but he likes to play.

'Try.'

Sasuke scowls at him, but the effect is completely lost, for he's laughing. Actually laughing.

'I know we split up.' He takes a long pause before continuing, and he frowns a little, trying to get the words right.

'But that was my fault. I'm such an ass. I'm a moron.'

'So far so good. ' Naruto interrupts, chuckling and he moves a little closer, subconsciously, his hands claw at the grass.

'I'm serious. I do love you. I know everything we do is a little unconventional' (Naruto laughs.) 'But I miss you. I want you back. I will try to make it work this time. I will. I just had to realise that **they **don't matter.'

'Is that so.'

Sasuke looks at him closely, those black eyes swallowing him whole, a little unfocused. They drift all over his face: mouth, nose, chin. Naruto feels a hot. He has to smile. His jaws hurt.

'I can't see you with Neji again. You'd kill me.' He whispers, head close.

Naruto leans in. He feels relieved. Everything is alright. Neji is an ugly thing in the past, his eye almost doesn't hurt anymore. He barely feels it. All he cares for now is his happy ending. He doesn't mind the alcohol dulling both their senses, or all the shit the has to forgive and forget. He doesn't mind it ending like it does now, seedy, fucking clichés. What matters is that they grew, individually, and now together.

He lifts his hand and rests it against Sasuke's neck, imagining he can feel his heartbeat. Their lips seek out out each other. First they touch gently and tentatively. After that lips wander, and hands do too. There's not the urgent passion of the night before, or the violence or domination that they experienced before that. It's fine, comfortable, familiar, feels like they've known each other for decades. This is a good way to start something again. A little drunk, but sincere and very determined to make it.

Iruka would say: it's a mature decision. Both of them would laugh.

-

The night is warm and sweet summer air clears their lungs, so Naruto and Sasuke stay on the lawn. They fall asleep eventually and wake up in the early morning because of the sun slowly rising over the treetops. The light wakes them up and they untangle, quiet, satisfied and softly smiling. The bottle, they leave on the lawn, but they go inside, to separate beds, to sleep the rest of the morning away.

-

If it was to end this way, all would have been well. Truth is, not everyone has played their cards. The game is not over. Around eleven, when breakfast is over, the bus had pulled up on the gravel driveway. The windows are open so that the air, and some bugs are allowed entry among the stuffy chairs.

They're all waiting, sleepy faces, red eyes, on the grass, bags at their feet. Ino leans with her head against Shikamaru's shoulder, she's got the hangover of the century. Just when they're about to board the bus Naruto spots someone in the distance and he cries out in happy surprise. It's Gaara and Haku, and they look over their shoulder, to good, grey Kakashi who gives them the affirmative.

Haku jogs up to Naruto, meeting him in the middle, and they hug fiercely. Haku will get out in a little while, and he's promised to come and look him up when he does. Gaara keeps a steady walk. There is an enigmatic smile on his usually blank face. Naruto eyes him curiously, but Haku holds him back. Surprisingly, Gaara walks past Naruto, and keeps walking, to the group waiting outside the bus.

They've been looking at the scene and now they look at each other confused. All the while, Gaara keeps marching on. Only five metres away from the crowd, does it become clear who he's been targeting.

Neji glances at Hinata, who looks at back at him, scared, she feels bad things coming. Still, no one is fast enough. Everyone, is taken by surprise, when he walks all the way up to Neji, who regards him with one disdainful look for a second, before Gaara punches him in the face…hard.

A collecting gasp runs through the audience, and jaws are dropping now. Neji staggers, falls back against the dusty white of the bus and looks up with frantic, grey eyes. Gaara laughs soundlessly. He never hesitates, he never stops. Grabbing him by the collar, he tears Neji away from the bus. The latter has managed to pull himself together, if only for a little bit, and he swings a fist at his aggressor. Gaara dodges the haphazard attempt at an attack and seizes Neji by the elbow.

'So this is how you show affection?'

Neji grunts something, but mostly he's too fucking shocked to say something coherent. Some distance away, Naruto has struggled out of Haku grasp and sprints towards the fight.

He's just in time to hear Gaara say:

'At least he's man enough to keep his hands to himself when he gets cross!' Pointing to Sasuke, and now all eyes are on him.

He's white, paler than usual, a thin line for a mouth. Gaara effortlessly knees Neji in the gut, no remorse, no restraint. If there's one thing he's good at, it's hurting other people. Protecting the ones he loves.

'You're an abusive liar and you're not worthy of Naruto.'

Neji groans and falls on his knees, blood tainting the gravel beneath his mouth.

'You never made him happy. You can't even make yourself happy.'

Gaara spits in the dirt and allows his cold, blue eyes roam the crowd until he picks out Sasuke's black ones, wide in fright.

'And they say I'm unstable…'

He smiles a bitter little smile, then turns and faces Naruto, who looks at him, breathing hard in outrage.

'Sorry fox, but you don't know what's good for you, and you would have forgiven this asshole. I'm just putting things right again. Now I want you to live, okay, and don't get involved in any more of this bullshit, it's not good for you.'

He brushes some imaginary dirt of his hands, looks back one more time at Neji, disgusted or pitiful, you can't tell. Then he sighs and look at the trees. The guards come running. It happened so fast. Haku stands there, in between, head slightly tilted. He approved, of course he approved. But Gaara went ahead took the fall, Haku doesn't need three more months in Juvie.

He walks back, calmly, meets the guards halfway and is forced to the ground with unnecessary, frustrated violence. Naruto watches him go, still breathing hard, speechless.

Then he looks at Sasuke, whose dark eyes have been upon him for much longer.

This is it, all cards are played, game is not finished, but Naruto and Sasuke are done, all that's left are words unspoken, by both of them:

_This doesn't change anything. I still love you, want to be with you more than anything. My best friend, rival, lover, best person in the world, most precious. _

_Let's start this again. _

-

**Don't really know what to say now. I guess that's your job.**


End file.
